To be upset at being called milk machine

[PeachShark]

MIL has referred to me as milk machine twice.
On one hand she generally has no filter and this could be just seen as her odd sense of humour.
On the other hand she doesn’t like me taking DS when he is due a feed and will try to comfort him herself - ignore me when I say he’s due a feed or tell me to give him a minute - then when I come to take him says “where’s the milk machine, milk machine he wants milk” feels to me as if she doesn’t want to acknowledge that maybe DS wants his mummy and I am more than just a bloody milk bottle to my child?

Do you reckon it’s loaded? Or am I reading too much into an innocent but not so nice joke…

See her much, much less. My one grandmother was awful to my mother just because she could. My mother was young. We didn't see them for a year. My dad called and told them to get their act together, or we wouldn't be back.

FTR, both my parents were young, but I always respected that my dad stood up to his parents for us all.

FIRMLY tell her to give you your baby so that he can be fed. I hate when people do that shit.

I agree with pp comment, when she calls you a milk machine - answer back I'm his mum and he needs me. Say this whilst simultaneously taking your baby away from her.

Oh you just need to blank her when she does this sort of thing - like you would a toddler saying swear words. Because I understand, I'd hate it too (like I hated trying to express milk, so stopped). It's rude and dehumanising.

So she comes looking for 'The Milk machine' go in, don't meet her eye or talk to her, take the little one and go for a feed. If she makes the comment some other time, immediately turn and talk to someone else. That comment never happened, and the person who made it is temporarily invisible to you.

Mine tried to give my DS a nickname I hated. So I just never used it, ignored any comment she made using it, and whenever she used it at DS I immediately spoke to him and used his real name. She dropped it eventually.

You could start by referring to her DS as "spunk machine" and see how long it takes her to stop being a twat.

When she comes to take baby from you keep saying "Yoda's here for you 😊 old yoda wants a cuddle" etc. wrinkly old ballsack also works

I would tackle it head on. “No I’m not a milk machine, I’m his mother.”

I've been known to call myself my babies own personal cow 😂 no one else does though, they just say he wants food and comes to find me. You need to stick up for yourself and tell her to stop.

I've read a few threads on mumsnet recently about MILs making these sorts of comments about their breastfeeding DILs. It seems like an attempt at manipulating you into feeling bad about breastfeeding, and sly undermining. I think the point is to make it difficult to call her out on it because she would just say she was joking and not to be so sensitive.

Either it's down to jealousy (did she not breastfeed her kids? Is she jealous that she can't do everything for your child that you can do?) or she objects to breastfeeding for some other reason. I think there was a time when women were encouraged to used bottle over breast.

Whatever it is, it's totally out of order. She should be supporting you with motherhood having been there herself, not engaging in petty playground jibes designed to make you feel bad when you're already vulnerable. If it were me I'd be having a strong word with DP and making sure he nipped it in the bud. And if she didn't, I wouldn't be going to her house.

And @CleftChin suggestion is good - completely ignore her every single time. That'll annoy the shit out of her!

😂😂😂

ALL of us ??!

YANBU Op (from an older generation!)

Yes, it's loaded. She clearly has silly issues around breastfeeding.

I'd tell her I'd prefer to be a milk machine than someone full of vinegar and spite.

@PeachShark - how well does she take it when the ‘jokey’ comments are directed at her? My suspicion is that she would take it very badly - so it’s fine for her to make jokes at other people’s expense but she is too sensitive for the tables to be turned on her.

I think I’d be blunt - “MIL - I’ve told you I hate being called the milk machine - it is not a joke, it is hurtful and dehumanising. I assume you want to have a decent relationship with the mother of your grandchild, so I suggest you knock it off pronto. If you can’t treat me with respect and decency, you’ll be seeing a lot less of me and of your grandchild.”

This could be loaded but to me it sounds more like a way of using humour to acknowledge the relentlessness of breast feeding especially in the early weeks - something it sounds like she should be well aware of.

Humour as a way of coping with the hard bits of life seems to have taken a battering in recent years as so many people focuses on the literal rather than wryness or the deprecation, etc. But I suspect thats what you’re missing when you think she’s being insulting. That was the way my parents were to a great extent and, especially, their parents. They had a lot of dark spots to cope with and that was one of the ways they got through it. It’s supposed to take the edge off, a joint acknowledgement that things could be better but you’ll get through it anyway.

That’s just going off your post and not knowing her for years as you obviously have. Is she actually really judgy, or does she make comments you find shocking but carry on helping/being friends with/etc. whoever you thought she was being mean to? Does she say stuff about herself as well as others? Does she argue with people disagreeing with her or does it not really matter to her because it was never meant to be taken literally?

Even if you decide it isn’t loaded, it’s still a good idea to say something to her - if only along the lines of “I really don’t like that MiL, could you stop, please.” - rather than let resentment and dislike build up.

A midwife referred to me as a cow,I think I prefer milk machine tbh.

Speaking as a midwife that is shocking and I hope you reported it.
@PeachShark Tell your mother in law that you do not want to referred to like this and to please stop.
I will never understand the bizarre attitudes towards breastfeeding in the UK.

Tbh that was the least of my issues with the treatment I experienced by midwives. It was 23 years ago, I hope things have changed.

Just tell her bluntly that you dislike it, it isn't funny and to pack it in pronto as it is disrespectful.

I didn't breastfeed, but would never have referred to friends who did in any such way.

How old is this older generation though? In her eighties or older? Fair enough. Younger, then no. I'm a grandmother and I'm 45. I don't consider myself an "older generation" yet.

Milk machine is so so much better than 'bile machine'

That's a horrible expression, very derogatory; I would try to be very clear that you don't want to be called that.

She breastfed her for 2 years, she's fine with breastfeeding - a good trait in a MIL.

She is also a grandmother. Most of them are absolutely batshit over their grandchildren. Totally batshit. Devoid of all reason and crazy in love.

My own mum never allowed us to sleep in the bed with her. Ever. Then I had children and she trained them at a young age (whenever they were staying at her place) that whenever they woke in the night, not to bother mummy. "Just hop into bed with nana." I vote not to rock the boat.

No it's not bloody well fair enough. There's not a point at which ageism is fair enough.
My mum is just about to turn 80 and she doesn't say 'weird shit'.

Call her on it every time. Where's your husband when she's saying this? Why isn't he standing up for you?

Urgh. The sad woman is unhappy you are doing something she can’t. You are feeding the baby and you are comforting the baby in a way she can’t and she doesn’t like it.

Next time say to her, “why do you keep saying that?”. I guarantee she will give a faux “I don’t know what you are talking about”. Then say you don’t like it when she calls you names. She will be uppity that she has been called out but you will have done it in a way that only she looks bad.