To be upset at being called milk machine

[PeachShark]

MIL has referred to me as milk machine twice.
On one hand she generally has no filter and this could be just seen as her odd sense of humour.
On the other hand she doesn’t like me taking DS when he is due a feed and will try to comfort him herself - ignore me when I say he’s due a feed or tell me to give him a minute - then when I come to take him says “where’s the milk machine, milk machine he wants milk” feels to me as if she doesn’t want to acknowledge that maybe DS wants his mummy and I am more than just a bloody milk bottle to my child?

Do you reckon it’s loaded? Or am I reading too much into an innocent but not so nice joke…

That's really very unpleasant and offensive.

Her behaviour around giving you back your baby/letting you feed and comfort your baby is fucked up too.

Honestly, why are so many mils mental like this. They are an embarrassment to woman kind.

I think I would go for "don't ever call me that again", with a protracted hard look.

If she protests, just keep repeating it.

If she calls you it again, leave immediately.

Some c*nts need trained. Since they cannot act like decent human beings themselves.

😂😂
Please do it, OP!

It is rude but I'm inclined to think she thinks she's being funny, I don't see this as malice personally.

Thanks for the responses, interesting to hear different perspectives. Obviously from her point of view she would say it was absolutely meant as a joke but there has been a lot of things said and done that makes me feel like it’s not that innocent. But it’s not unlike her to say outrageous things in general! (Eg, yesterday kept saying to DH “I have no idea how you both made such a beautiful baby” he said it was like she was basically calling us ugly the way she kept saying it!

Just for some context as to why I feel defensive towards her, just a couple of examples of things she’s said (and this is only to do with breastfeeding - there’s been much more but we’d be here all day)
She has said the quality of my breast milk might not be good enough (DS always had steady weight gain so was no reason to be questioning this in the first place)
Also said that I should pump and give DH bottles because what would we do if something happened to me or I ended up in hospital… she never pumped and her DC never used bottles 🤷‍♀️ I think the reason she wants me to pump is just so she can give him a bottle and it takes me out of the equation when we’re over.

@preggo39 she breastfed her DC for 2 years! It’s clear that she hates when I have to take him for feeds. She used to being in control of everything and it’s something she cannot control/ take over.

@moonfacer we see them once a week, sometimes more. We live pretty close so a weekly visit is expected - and I know they’re hoping for more when I return to work.

It might be an older person's view that they think it's weird you're not bottle feeding. Of the older generations in both mine and DH family, I got the impression that breastfeeding was for "poorer" people (their opinion) and we surely had enough money for formula. I also had the same when I used a sling, as if "people will think you can't afford a pram" even though we had a pram!!

Sounds like she doesn't want to lose control to the next generation.

Try to ignore her and do your own thing, BF if you want/don't want, your milk will be absolutely fine, assuming you are yourself healthy and not suffering from malnutrition, which I am sure you are not, and even then, the milk takes the best / most appropriate for the baby as your body did when you were pregnant

She's extremely rude.

My baby dd's grandparents (maternal and paternal) are all in their late 40s and early 50s. Maybe that's the same for OP? Yes they're an older generation than mine, but they don't think breast feeding is weird. Age isn't an excuse to say hurtful things.

Id just stick with a "the word you're looking for it Mommy"

And when DS can talk he can call her Nanny Bat 😂

She is not being funny, no excuses, just rude!

Reply with "Yes, and round the corner there is chocolate cake. Want some?"

This exact thing happened to me when DC1 was born! I wrote a thread about it and got accused of being a troll. It definitely was loaded in my case as my MIL whyen batshit crazy for about a year!

Why would anyone think this ok?

I just wanted to say how amazingly you're doing breastfeeding your child in a society where 1% breastfeeding at 6 months. Speak to your husband, I actually would tell my husband to put his mother in her place. Raging over here ...

It sounds pad tho she has form so wouldn’t take it personally

You don't like it and it's legitimate to ask her not to do it. The lament of every bully is "it was a joke". Jokes mean people laugh together not at each other.

TBF, DH still calls me "Jugsy" in the privacy of our bedroom. DS is now 29. It didn't bother me, it might have if he had used it in public and laughed.

That's all very nice and dandy as long as it's SELF-deprecating humour. Did your parents and/or their parents habitually make their "wry" jokes at the expense of other people?

I don’t think it’s that deep but I’d be very upset too. I’d bring it up next time she does and say something though, it might clear up the air about wether it is as deliberate. No offence but some older people are a bit weird and blunt and eye roll inducing, I know that’s not nice to say though

My DM and her friends apparently all formula fed after a few weeks and see nothing wrong with that especially as like in my SIL’s case she finds it hard to breastfeed so hand expresses milk
and uses formula.

I’d just ignore her.

Yes. Themselves, each other, anyone. It wasn’t supposed to be mean, it was based on (to them) an understanding that it wasn’t to be taken seriously.

This is excellent advice. My mother says weird shit like this ("it was a joke!") and this is the tactic I will now use.

You’re going to have to stand up to her sooner or later or it will just get worse. She will criticise what baby is wearing, what you’re feeding him etc. If mine had said she will mash up a banana for my child when he needed feeding by me I would have made sure she didn’t.

You need to do it when you’re in your home as it could be taken as rude to question her in her own home. Do it when you’re on your own territory but firmly and politely put your foot down.

That's a rude and weird thing to say.

What did your husband say about her comment?

She has said the quality of my breast milk might not be good enough (DS always had steady weight gain so was no reason to be questioning this in the first place)

I don't know why ppl are giving her the benefit of the doubt ...she's an absolute bitch.

And trying to get you to express and use bottles ...alongside not wanting to give your baby back to you just confirms she wants to play momma to the baby, have control etc and cut you out. She's one of those freaky, possessive, domineering women who want to take over with babies and re enact being mothers even though that ship has long sailed and they're not the mother. It's creepy and sad, but the worst part is the abuse - which it really is - they mete out to their unfortunate daughters and daughter in law's. It's also not fair on the child; not being held by their Mum when they should be, being forced onto bottles so mil and others get to feed them etc.

Does she have any hobbies, friends, interests, work,?. ... I usually find women like this don't .... Otherwise they wouldn't become so obsessive and possessive over their grand kids.

Just tell her not to call you that, it's not funny and you don't like it. Firmly and calmly. As other posters have said, if you don't stand up to her now, it will get worse in time!