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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I report a whatsapp group to my son’s school ?

295 replies

M2BANTRIM · 11/03/2024 22:30

So I am a mum of an 11 year old boy and about a year ago we decided to get him a cellphone so that he can have access to his homework which is usually sent on a school app and we downloaded WhatsApp for him as well . As a backstory we are from a southern African country I do not want to mention living in the UK so WhatsApp allowed him to keep in touch with grandparents and extended family . About a month ago , he told me that he had been added to a group chat and within minutes he was crying hysterically. He showed me his phone only to discover that a meme of a black boy with bulging eyes had been sent on the chat and someone had captioned my son’s name . This sent me into a rage and I managed to contact the boy’s mum who had sent it and she apologised and the son did as well and I just decided not to further escalate it . So my son doesn’t really open his WhatsApp and can go for 3-4 days without been on it and I can check on his 'last seen' . I discovered that he had over 900 messages and I saw he had been added to another group chat and these are kids aged between 10-13 and the chats were horrifying . One girl sent a picture with her mouth wide open and was saying something along the lines of how she is good at oral . The kids were throwing insults at each other including use of the n word , b word , c word it was absolutely vile . But none of these were directed towards my son . I immediately removed my son out of the group , took screenshots and sent them to my phone and deleted everything from my son’s phone and changed his privacy settings that don’t allow him to be added to a group without his permission first . So my question is will I be unreasonable to take the screenshots to the principal and have these kids dealt with ? In another chat one girl told another girl to delete herself because she was a c word ? Should I ignore this or take it up to the principal ? At the end of the day I do not want to be labelled a Karen but at the same time these kids are very unhinged . Please help

OP posts:
Evenstar · 11/03/2024 22:33

I think you must speak to the school as soon as possible.

CharlieCookWroteABook · 11/03/2024 22:33

Yes, of course you must.

Daffnee · 11/03/2024 22:34

11yos should not be on WhatsApp. I’d report to the school but as much for the children’s protection and well being as to have them “dealt with”.

Stonehill · 11/03/2024 22:35

Absolutely, email all those screen shots to the head teacher today. Make sure you put a warning in the heading of the email. Good on you for keeping on top of what your son is being exposed to online.

TeenLifeMum · 11/03/2024 22:36

Yes! Dd had a class WhatsApp and the racism was awful so we reported and dd left the group. We now have the rule that there’s no groups over 4 people - dd very happy with this guide.

Pottedpalm · 11/03/2024 22:36

I am of the opinion that school should not have to deal with what goes on on social media. So much time is wasted in this stuff by senior staff when the priority should be teaching.

Smartiepants79 · 11/03/2024 22:37

Yes. Report.
Take screen shots of everything and then get your son off WhatsApp.
How has he been added to these groups without your knowledge?
Is this a middle school? The age ranges involved seem unusual.

Bringtheweatherwithyou · 11/03/2024 22:37

Why is homework sent on a Whatsapp group?
I
Your DC shouldn't be in any groups that aren't absolutely necessary and those approved should be monitored by his parents.

Smartiepants79 · 11/03/2024 22:38

Pottedpalm · 11/03/2024 22:36

I am of the opinion that school should not have to deal with what goes on on social media. So much time is wasted in this stuff by senior staff when the priority should be teaching.

Sadly, when the only common denominator is school then the duty of care falls on them.
I agree it shouldn’t but it does.

crumblingschools · 11/03/2024 22:39

Please don’t use the misogynist term Karen.

Would be good to give a heads up to the school

Purpledragonz · 11/03/2024 22:39

Do it OP, next thing you know one of the children sends an inappropriate picture of themselves and it is shared, and on the Internet forever at the disposition of perverts.

Something similar happened to a 12/13 year old kid when I was in middle school. His picture was leaked and it all got out of hand very very fast

Pottedpalm · 11/03/2024 22:39

Smartiepants79 · 11/03/2024 22:38

Sadly, when the only common denominator is school then the duty of care falls on them.
I agree it shouldn’t but it does.

Do you mean legally?

lala567 · 11/03/2024 22:40

I wouldn't tell school about the chat but I would about the racism.

Calamitousness · 11/03/2024 22:40

@Daffnee is spot on. This is incredibly worrying.

Pottedpalm · 11/03/2024 22:41

Ate they all from the same school?

M2BANTRIM · 11/03/2024 22:43

I want to clarify the homework is sent on an app called SeeSaw but he has WhatsApp to use when we contact family as we are not originally from the UK and all our family is in the southern part of Africa

OP posts:
TheGoogleMum · 11/03/2024 22:44

Yes please do tell the school. I also hate the use of the term Karen, but telling the school won't make you one, it is safeguarding. It's so easy for these things to escalate to sharing porn and snuff films, just takes one bad kid to disturb all the others and get a skewed sense of what's normal

M2BANTRIM · 11/03/2024 22:46

Smartiepants79 · 11/03/2024 22:37

Yes. Report.
Take screen shots of everything and then get your son off WhatsApp.
How has he been added to these groups without your knowledge?
Is this a middle school? The age ranges involved seem unusual.

Like I said I regularly check and when I saw that he had over 900 messages then I opened his whataspp .

OP posts:
Applesan · 11/03/2024 22:46

You should report this to both the Head Teacher and the safeguarding lead. I would arrange to meet with them in person and show them photos of all the screenshots you have taken.

Schools are 100% responsible for protecting the children under its care from racism and sexual abuse. An 11 year old boasting about anything of a sexual nature is a big safeguarding red flag and needs to be followed up. Discrimination as experienced by your son is vile and totally unacceptable. The school is 100% responsible for educating its pupils about anything like this

MegBusset · 11/03/2024 22:46

Yes I would, and in fact did report as a safeguarding concern when one of my DC was added to a similar WhatsApp group. Would contact the DSL (designated safeguarding lead) and share the messages with them.

M2BANTRIM · 11/03/2024 22:47

Pottedpalm · 11/03/2024 22:41

Ate they all from the same school?

No . Some are post primary kids but some are from a grade 6 class making the age range between 10-13

OP posts:
dutysuite · 11/03/2024 22:50

I’ve been through the school WhatsApp drama with my children at this age. One boy in particular really bullied my daughter on the chat and when I spoke to his mother about it she was apologetic but it made the boy up his bullying at school and online instead. I had to go to the school in the end.

Mauvepink · 11/03/2024 22:56

Yes, absolutely screen shot and report. This can’t carry on and parents need to be made aware by the school also.

Elzibells · 11/03/2024 22:58

Google Molly Russell or Mia Janin. Both cases where bullying and targeting of individuals in a school/social media setting have resulted in suicides.

It's very important this is reported.

Dacadactyl · 11/03/2024 22:59

Yes. Let the headteacher know.

Year 6 whatsapp groups are like a war zone.

I had to remove my son from all of them because i felt they were awful (but nowhere near as bad as the things you're saying)

Parents...you need to monitor your kids phone use!!!

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