Should I report a whatsapp group to my son’s school ?

[M2BANTRIM]

So I am a mum of an 11 year old boy and about a year ago we decided to get him a cellphone so that he can have access to his homework which is usually sent on a school app and we downloaded WhatsApp for him as well . As a backstory we are from a southern African country I do not want to mention living in the UK so WhatsApp allowed him to keep in touch with grandparents and extended family . About a month ago , he told me that he had been added to a group chat and within minutes he was crying hysterically. He showed me his phone only to discover that a meme of a black boy with bulging eyes had been sent on the chat and someone had captioned my son’s name . This sent me into a rage and I managed to contact the boy’s mum who had sent it and she apologised and the son did as well and I just decided not to further escalate it . So my son doesn’t really open his WhatsApp and can go for 3-4 days without been on it and I can check on his 'last seen' . I discovered that he had over 900 messages and I saw he had been added to another group chat and these are kids aged between 10-13 and the chats were horrifying . One girl sent a picture with her mouth wide open and was saying something along the lines of how she is good at oral . The kids were throwing insults at each other including use of the n word , b word , c word it was absolutely vile . But none of these were directed towards my son . I immediately removed my son out of the group , took screenshots and sent them to my phone and deleted everything from my son’s phone and changed his privacy settings that don’t allow him to be added to a group without his permission first . So my question is will I be unreasonable to take the screenshots to the principal and have these kids dealt with ? In another chat one girl told another girl to delete herself because she was a c word ? Should I ignore this or take it up to the principal ? At the end of the day I do not want to be labelled a Karen but at the same time these kids are very unhinged . Please help

It's Pandoras box.

What is a school in reality to do as I would think having a discipline policy about messages sent away from schools environs is near impossible to produce or enfoece. I think this is a societal problem we all need to deal with and it's rubbish.

In reality the parents that allow unrestricted or unmonitored use of mobiles are probably not the ones that are going to be overly bothered with discipline their childen. Unfortunately in this world there will be parents that are bullies themselves and will absolutely sent their child is a problem.

Surely all a school can do is do some hand wringing and send out general earnings about the dangers of SM?.I don't think this in reality changes the dial much.

YABU for using “Karen”.
YABU for allowing your young child to have a smartphone.
YABU to think it’s the school’s job to solve this situation when they are already stretched.
YABU to think the group age range is between 10-13yo when you have no idea who is behind the phones.

Every single drama at my children school has WhatsApp in the mix, every single one!

That said definitely report to the school, some children might be at the school and their parents might not be aware.

When you get to high school, please ask your kids Pastoral Care teacher what percentage of their time is wasted dealing with social media squabbles and nonsense, then ponder why the schools are doing the parenting and not the parents. It won't be long before someone comes along to say schools should teach responsible use of SM and whatnot. Hey why not. Add it to the pile.

What do you want the school to do that the police, the parents and the government either can't or won't do? Children then parents then the social media companies then everyone else. That's the line of responsibility here. No age checks required? Why not? Why not KYC for social media? Oh but privacy...blah blah blah, don't care. Stop sending racist exist garbage then.

Yes, school needs to know. This is unacceptable.

the group chat function is one reason why a minimum age of 16 (EU) or at least 13 (WhatsApp’s own policies IIRC) is incredibly important imo.

Already existing group dynamics seem to be made so much worse by the fact that it‘s virtual / not face to face. Combine that with poor impulse control and a lack of understanding about consequences (which is to be excepted seeing as they’re children / teens!)…

I would have gone to the police with the black boy photo.

Definitely go to the head / DSL (safeguarding lead) asap. If the response is not adequate, go to the chair of governors.

You could also consider going to the police.

Take your son off of WhatsApp (he can contact family via Messages or other means or on your phone) and monitor his phone use daily and also talk to him about school life - what the kids write on sm is going to mirror what they say in the 'playground'.

Yes, the group is disgusting. But who gave this young child access to such things? YOU did.

Surely you knew about the risks of giving him a phone? If you really had to give him access to Whatsapp (and that age limit exists for a reason), why didn't you investigate the privacy settings first?

If parents don't parent, there's little schools can do.

It seems that originally it ('Karen")was a tool for silencing women who abused their white privilege in a way that men did not seem to do. If that is true, then it is something that needs to be addressed rather than pretending it doesn't exist.
We call on all men to change toxic masculinity. Perhaps all women need to change toxic femininity rather than say there is no such thing.

Sadly it has evolved into a criticism of women who complain much more than necessary and make a fuss about nothing. It has become a popular term because many people recognise that woman. Do they recognise her because they are misogynists or because she exists? Do they recognise her because the world allows men to complain as much as they want and silences women?

In some ways it is like the term cock-lodger, although 'Karen's' genitals are not referenced. That is a sexist term. It is a vulgar sexist insult. But it is a sexist term we are happy to use because it describes a type of man most of us are very familiar with. Why didn't we just use the already insulting term that was applied to similar women: gold-digger? Perhaps it wasn't rude enough.

It is like another MN classic: man-child. Once again a useful term. We all know what it means and that it is not good. But why reference gender? What was wrong with child? Are there no woman-children? If so we never hear about them.

But a thought for the OP. Consider not reporting if that would bring misery to your son. Boys have never liked tattle-tales and being one attracts bullying. I imagine that having a mother who is a tattle-tale could attract bullying too. Sometimes of course we have to do things that correct, challenge or even provoke bullies. But if so, your son is the one you will be bullied, not you.

Like you I think the racist picture is appalling and you dealt with that in a way you thought appropriate. I think you dealt with it well. But more importantly, does your son agree? Or would he like to take it further? This isn't just your decision. It is also his. Of course, you as the adult have to guide him. You have the final say, but it is his world and he has to live in it. What does he think?

What are you expecting the school to do about it?

Sadly another parental responsibility abdicated.

Absolutely report to school- they’re used to things like this .

It's so difficult, as a social worker within education, yes it does take up an insane amount of time. Sometimes full weeks for the investigations into who did what and when.

The Police don't seem fussed at the moment which is a shame, even when there are actual offences on the phones. I know there is a huge focus on not criminalising young people which I am behind, but there needs to be some response.

Social media is a scourge, it's shocking and young people are being exposed to such graphic violence and pornography, and quite frequently images of CSA also. It's disgusting and hard to pinpoint as well due to the nature of Snapchat and WhatsApp encryption

FYI Seesaw can be accessed on a tablet, don’t need a phone.

Yes, report. This is one very good reason why kids should not be on social media.
My beautiful, clever and bubbly niece has a dumb phone and it is the best thing her parents have done.
Some of her friends have had horrific things happen that required reporting to the Police.
You could report to the Police too, Op, though the school will have a policy and know what to do.

@Jeannne92 what immature kids dare put on big WAp groups is often a far cry from what they'd dare say out load and defo not in play ground. They don't filter, have bravado, don't think about offensive stuff, think it's funny & forget their digital footprint.
They sometimes use language they don't fully understand.
Yr6/7 is notorious for this and it calms down by Y8 and gone by Y10 as others have said. Schools do help educate kids on this as it's their world now. Yes parents should check phones but lots don't.

This is why young children should not be given a smartphone. The school should not be setting homework electronically, that's not on at all, as it makes smartphones seem necessary.

The Stick to Bricks campaign is brilliant, kids needing phones get given old-school phones that have calling and texting only, no Internet access.

@Pottedpalm we deal with this at primary school. It’s modern bullying and affects what goes on in the classroom .

This worries me for my own kids. The sexism and racism they get exposed to from other kids is so frustrating. Why have we as a society not improved?! Definitely report to the school. And well done for keeping an eye on his online activity shame the other parents are not doing that

My boyfriend works in a secondary school and honestly he’s told me about at least 3 incidents like this since September. It’s mental! I teach UKS2 and it’s so depressing to think that my class will probably end up being exposed to this in a few years. Definitely tell the school about the racism and you can mention the rest of the chat.

I’m not sure what point you are making; that school should deal with it? The issue in general is dealt with in assemblies etc, of course. And yes, it affects what goes on in school but it really can’t be the remit of the school to deal with Incidents occurring away from school. Just interviewing 50/100 children involved in an incident such as a PP described will take days. Schools cannot deal with this.

My husband has said the same thing . He really just doesn’t want us involved and I tried to rationalise why I wanted to report but he is not keen and says this might make our son a target again .

Report to the school DSL

@Pottedpalm

There are screenshots so won't take days. And this is racism and sexual content for children. Doesn't matter how much time it takes to deal with it's not ok to do nothing

The school need to be aware but why are children using WhatsApp? The parents have to take some responsibility.

There are clearly numerous children in these groups how are they going to know which parent notified the school?

They aren't going to be announcing who it was