In laws staying for 10 days

[twotoddlersandanewborn]

My in-laws live abroad and have booked tickets to come and visit for 10 days. We have recently moved house and will have a guest bed in our youngest sons nursery, however, not set up yet. We have been sent links to the two "beds" they would like for when they stay.

When they visit there is no helping out with the little ones and more sit on the sofa and observe with a drink in hand. I have no control over the tv, what we have for dinner and I am left to tidy up the dirty plates/hoover/clean the bathrooms after each use. I find myself constantly biting my tongue over comments about how we do things and the typical "oh his feet are cold".

My Fiancé and I were due to have a chat about the visit, although, he has already told his dad to book the tickets and all is dandy.

They are good people, just slightly over the top and I completely appreciate they live away and it will just be sheer excitement but the thought of 10 days under the same roof makes me very frustrated. To top things off, they have an occasion at the end of the 10 days and will be back staying with us for another three nights before flying back home.

AIBU in suggesting they break up their visit by staying elsewhere for part of the trip? Or do I just suck it up?

Let your fiancé run round after them if they're that lazy, honestly. And what's all this about beds - they think you're going to buy special beds for them?!

i would offer to pay for them to stay in a hotel/air bnb. I couldn’t stand what you have described.

They sound entitled and demanding and lazy. Why aren’t they washing up their own plates? Does your fiancé expect you to clean up after them and cook for them? Because if yes then he’s as bad as them.

They really should stay elsewhere.

I think you need to speak to your fiancé and see what he thinks - it’s not worth causing upset. I can absolutely see from your point if view that it would be better if they were to break up their trip, but if they live abroad and don’t come I’ve very often, maybe better to put up with it?

Make him do all the work since he didn't bother coordinating with you. What do you mean by saying you don't get to pick your own dinners? Hope it's not that they place an order which you then dutifully fulfill. Again, all that should be on your bloke. Get a screen for your bedroom and maybe book a weekend away for you and the kids out of tge ten days. Cab you visit your own family? If you're quick about it, you could claim it was already being planned so if only you'd been consulted...

His parents - he can tidy the plates and do the cleaning.

They sound like hard work. I'd be asking DF to book them into a nearby hotel and arrange to see them as and when it suits you. 10 days is an imposition, and they sound difficult.

Airbnb all the way or tell your fiancée that that he’ll be doing the running round. 10 days is way too long to host anyone, imo.

How much hosting does their son do?

"really looking forward to having you come to stay. I'm just doing the grocery order. I thought we could cook Monday, Wednesday and Friday - DH said he'd love you to cook his favourite meal from his childhood on Tuesday like old times - what shall I add to the order for you to cook? Would be a great help as we're out that day"

Also book a one off clean for 5 hours one of the days they are here and let DH pay for it.

They are not your IL's.

They are your Fiancé's parents, let him do the running around.

As for beds, I'd get them to order and pay for them and have them delivered to your address, but there's no way I'd be paying for them out of any household money.

Yep, it's too much and they are being selfish even thinking about putting that on you. I would not only be frustrated but really angry, it's so, so inconsiderate!

Thanks all.

@Sapphire387 They want two single beds and when we suggested the one that clips together to look like a double they weren't happy.

Everyone heads through to the living room after dinner which I get but I will always be the one to tidy up. Maybe if I joined them someone else would do it, however, there is never an offer to help me when I'm slaving away. I was heavily pregnant at Christmas hoovering around everyone whilst my PIL lifted their feet so I could hoover around them 🙈

At Christmas, they stayed at my Fiancés brothers flat as we had just moved in and it was bliss - we saw them during the day, had dinner and they would head home meaning we had at least some space. Maybe I should suggest they stay there as it is empty...

My Fiancé really doesn't see my view point and thinks I'm being extremely unreasonable. My toes are already curling at my FIL screaming at the football on the tv and telling me off for saying "shhhhh" because our children won't hear a "bloody" thing 🙃

Let them stay at your friends brothers flat. They sound very demanding and inconsiderate. I am perplexed to why you would contemplate this?

Consider whether you want to marry this bloke...

You already have a DH problem.

Holy hell OP, if there’s a vacant flat then definitely get them to stay there! Perhaps spin some yarn about the new baby keeping everyone up at night “and you’ll both at least get some sleep if you stay at fiancé’s brothers place instead”

I'm glad I posted for advice and opinions as apparently it's very normal for family to stay and it doesn't matter how long...

We had a lot of guilt trip at Christmas about my Fiancé's brothers flat -

"It's so cold and nowhere near as cosy as yours"
"Oh I so wish we could just sleep here"
"There is no Wi-Fi and the tv is terrible"
"Not waking up to the boys is a shame isn't it"
"I can't believe you are making us go back there"

The list goes on 🙄

I'm going to have a chat tomorrow with my other half and try to sort it all out 🤞🏼

Normal for who, your fiance,,?

Make your DF clear up and cook for them as technically they are his guests. I certainly would not be clearing up for them. They sound demanding and lazy and not good people at all. The nerve of suggesting you buy beds for them is ridiculous. Suggest they use their other sons vacant flat and tell them you cannot afford new beds for them.

Who cooks for them? Why don't you get to choose meals? Surely guests eat what they are given or make other arrangements. There is being a good hostess and there is being walked all over by demanding lazy people. They should be helping with housework and the children if they are staying with you. Also a 10-13 night visit when they came over at Christmas time too is way too much. You have a DF problem if he does not consult you.

Omg just No! When they get their beds they will visit even more often

Everyone heads through to the living room after dinner which I get but I will always be the one to tidy up.

OP, do you see that your fiancé is a massive knobhead for leaving and leaving it all
to you?

Does he clean and cook for YOUR relatives?

10 days would be out of the question. You have a fiancé problem.

Umm, this isn’t great. I wouldn’t say this.

I was heavily pregnant at Christmas hoovering around everyone whilst my PIL lifted their feet so I could hoover around them 🙈

Was your fiancé bedridden?