People who move from job to job but are never happy. What causes it?

[peashootsalad]

I have had a friend for 2 years. During the time I’ve known her she has persistently changed jobs and I think has had at least 5 (I’ve lost count). The jobs have been in different fields but the issues she’s had are similar. She starts off happy for a few weeks, then starts to complain about how things are run, how incompetent everyone is, she’s the only one who’s any good etc. She gets quite obsessive about it and rants on about how awful it is to anyone who’ll listen. Anyone else know anyone like this? It intrigues me.

She’s not recognising the common denominator.

Yes I know loads of people like this.

In general, they are never happy anyway. The trick is not to bother trying to make them happy.

They're just moaners, plenty of moaners around.

Maybe she's an idealist and hasn't realised yet that all jobs have their rubbish bits and that you're lucky if the good bits outweigh the bad or you hit on a group of colleagues who make things bearable. Fair enough that she moves on rather than moan and do nothing about it though.

“If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole.”

Victim mentality, huge egos and thinking the world owes them a favour.

At 42 I don’t think my brother has ever held down a job for more than a year.

of course it’s always everyone else’s fault

The longest I’ve stayed in the same role for the same company is 13 months. That’s only because I now have children and need something part time that works around them. I don’t like working and I don’t like any job enough to stay there ages and ages

I leave a job only when cannot , make it one more day, due to verbal, racial or other abuse for example. These things actually happen to me. I have seen many lovely people and variety of colleagues and I am always loved wherever I go, however when the manager is abusive, you have to go.

@MiddleagedBeachbum You have described her I think.
She also puts ridiculous amounts of posts on Facebook and then comments on her own posts if she thinks she’s not had enough likes which seems odd to me as well.
She massively exaggerates about things and gets angry if you try to correct her. Just wondering if these things point to a personality disorder.

I was going to say this. Usually when everyone else is the problem that's not actually the case. But I know a fair few people like this.

One of my best mates hops around business development jobs and never seems to last more than a year as she takes the piss and watches Netflix/goes to gym etc while wfh. She's just got a new £70k job however so doesn't seem to be an obstacle to her moving on tbf.

honestly I don't think corporate culture or hierarchies suit everyone, it would be weird if they did.

I personally hate working within any kind of structure for too long especially one whereby I feel there is a power imbalance. I also hate the idea of always working to get paid, making the big money for other people. I can do it for a while but after a bit it starts to annoy me - I feel restricted, I see issues with the business that make everyone unhappy, hate office politics etc etc. So I choose to freelance. It's not ideal and my ideal job is not to have to work for anyone, even clients (although I value the experience, money and some of the working relationships I have) but to work on my own creative projects. I am working on it!

It's a case of square peg round hole TBH. Maybe these people would be better off in a creative, self directed field, or running their own business or something completely different.

Not everybody likes being a wage slave or part of a hierarchy.

To expect everyone to fit in and conform I think is pretty weird.

Yes I know someone like this.

Every job he’s ever had, after 2 weeks he could run the place better than the owners or the managing director.

Never lasts longer than 18 months anywhere.

People are different.

It CAN be a sign of ADHD...(not saying it is). But novelty is needed to hold attention so lots of ADHDers change jobs frequently.

I used to change jobs a lot before becoming a lecturer. Now I get enough novelty from the changes in students, the opportunity to work on my specialist interests in the form of different research projects and getting to teach different modules from year to year.

Being stuck in a repetitive job, with the same colleagues, in the same environment for years on end would have made me actively suicidal.

Some people like a "portfolio" career rather than a job for life.

Of course it could be something else, personality problem, struggle with authority etc.

But there's nothing inherently wrong with it imo.

how incompetent everyone is, she’s the only one who’s any good

There’s nothing inherently wrong with changing jobs frequently. It’s when in every single job the person has the same complaint (above^).

The problem lies with that person.

Over positive. Always wishing it was better.

The only job held down in my 30's for nearly 5 years throughout a credit crunch - fear kept me there. It was actually the sort of place I use to dread going back into after holidays etc, had depression episodes. Crazy.

When faced with bad news, us job-hoppers cope. I've even been told off for my 'bad CV' by the Jobcentre before now (couldn't make it up) but I've never known them complain as I don't stay out of work long.

Then I think about some of the s*itshows I've escaped that normally end in beautiful redundancy only, after I've left!

My colleague couldn't cope doing 2 days on their own last week, kept going on about it, I didn't retaliate and neither did I do the same when on my own for 3+ weeks. Then I see emails trying to stich me up and think I'm best of out of it. I'm rather proud I got a job back in January to start next month calm and controlled, that's some achievement for me. A whole years contract, gulp.

But novelty is needed to hold attention so lots of ADHDers change jobs frequently

This is me and I didn't know why until I was diagnosed. I could manage a year or so, two at the absolute most, before becoming bored with a role. Luckily, I joined an organisation that has a lot of varied roles within it and have done nearly all of them! I've been in my current role longer, just because it's wfh and it suits me.

But I come across people who have worked in the same role/office for 20 or 30 years and I just can't imagine. That would be my idea of hell.

My XH was like this. He'd change jobs every couple of years - it only took about six months for 'everyone else to become an arsehole.' He HATED being told what to do - which is a bit of a disadvantage in any job really, unless you are the CEO (which he wasn't).

But then, I am ADHD and hate changing jobs. But then I've always had jobs where there's been an element of random every day, which is probably why I stay.

I know one (met him in retail - I was PT while at uni, he was full time) who has crippling social anxiety which makes him rude, yet persists in applying for customer service supervisor or assistant manager jobs because he won't take an entry-level salary to retrain. He always hates the next person up (store manager) because he thinks he's better.

I'm the opposite - I was at my last place 12 years, although worked in 2 totally different areas.

Unrealistic expectations, and a lack of perspective. I just go in, do my job well, leave and forget about it. And as long as I am generally OK with work, that's all I expect.

Well - your mate sounds a bit of a tit (with the face book update), but, in principal, and if you can afford to, i think there's nothing wrong with persevering to look for the right job if you're able. Why stay where you're unhappy if you can go?

One of my mid 20 somethings went through about 8 jobs in 3 years, slightly different fields, but each time she left them wanting her not to go, and trying hard to keep her. Each time she went to a new employer with honesty about why she'd left the last place and still flew through the interview processes.

She hates stupid, inefficient, illogical and unproductive (management) set-ups and just can't tolerate working under idiots. Unfortunately it would take a couple of months for it to show up - and she'd be off. She finally has settled down and been in a job for 3 years now where she's happy and climbing up the management pole herself. But she did change departments VERY near the beginning of working for even this company because her direct manager was a prat 😂

Some people take a while to find the right job. And some people don't really want to work at all.

I know a couple of people like this. They also keep moving house, never satisfied never happy. You can't move or change jobs and leave your problems, personality behind, but they can't see that. If you can't have what you like,you need to like what you have

It really depends on the sector.

I work for charities and the staff turnover is incredibly high because of poor pay and shit management.

The organisation I am with as the worst staff turnover I have ever seen. It employs about 50 staff in total and we seem to be losing 5 people a month. New starters don't stay long and now long term employees are leaving too.

Very common in the sector for people to move every 2 year due to poor conditions and lack of opportunity to progress/be paid better.

This has been the case in every charity I have worked for in the past 20 years. I have also seen countless examples of bullying and bad management/governance.

I am job-hunting again because I was lied to at interview when it comes to flexible working, pay is not keeping with the cost of living and I am expected to cover several roles but have just been refused an upgrade in my job title to reflect this.

Same with a friend of mind who is an excellent and committed teacher: she prefers to do supply teaching due to the appalling way she has been treated in more long term roles by management and the kids...

So yes your friend might be flaky but equally these days there is little loyalty from staff towards employers and vice versa.

Sometime you have to change jobs to get a better deal and life is to short to putting up with employers who don't do anything for their staff.

Sometimes it can be a cycle - I know someone who moved jobs loads, in the first couple she really did have some toxic managers. In the next few, they weren't, but she was so twitchy and traumatised she saw problems where there aren't any and became a bit victimy. Then, in the same way that nasty abusers prey on vulnerable people, toxic workplaces can hire vulnerable employees, because they don't notice the red flags at interview.

So it is possible that someone has genuine problems in every job. But also that they may well be very moany by that point...

I know someone like this too. Job is always good for the first month, then the complaints start. To me, they're part of working with people, we're all different and there will always be personalities that we don't gel with.

Im able to put it aside and do my job, but I guess not every one is able to.

I think it must be exhausting though, this particular person can go ages without finding another job, and they talk about how stressed they are about money. But the cycle goes on.

I unfortunately see myself in this post.

I grew up in a very unstable home, Dad was in the army, so we moved every 6 months to 2 years...he was also violent and I remember us leaving in the night to get away, then again with another of my mum's unsuitable boyfriends later on.

I went to 12 different schools. I am sure I am repeating childhood patterns, and often wonder why I can't just do what everyone else around me does. It eats away at me, but most jobs feel soul destroying, and I dream of quitting....then I do, eventually; every time.

Despite this, at one point in my life, I was doing very well in my career (promoted, worked abroad, lots of money as an international teacher for two stints of three years). I am very academic and managed to get a First Class BA, MA and PGCE all off my own back, with no help. I seemed to have gotten over my issues and was doing well.

After I had emergency surgery in late 2015, (ectopic pregnancy) and as a result was left infertile, I have not been able to last in any one job, and am deeply ashamed at this fact.

I just walked out of a long term supply post last week, after having books thrown at me, and students wreck the room I was in, as well as shout/swear/leave the room/call me names/refuse to follow instructions. I was waking up shaking in the night and had panic attacks. I got signed off sick and then quit the post. I hate myself again for this :(

Since 2015/16 I can't seem to cope in any job, nor do I make effort with friends etc. I drive myself mad.

However, I can cope with free lance work, where I dictate how much work I do, or which jobs to take or turn down. I am back in the UK now, btw. Skint, obviously.

I plan to go abroad and teach internationally again but I worry I won't be able to due to lack of a long term teaching position and references (most schools abroad want a solid two year stint in a school with references as most recent post).

I am considering CBT or hypnosis as I am mid 40s now and sick to death of quitting everything.

I think I lack the necessary resiliance maybe? The ability to put up with the repetitive nature of jobs and the mundanity of the routine of work??