People who move from job to job but are never happy. What causes it?

[peashootsalad]

I have had a friend for 2 years. During the time I’ve known her she has persistently changed jobs and I think has had at least 5 (I’ve lost count). The jobs have been in different fields but the issues she’s had are similar. She starts off happy for a few weeks, then starts to complain about how things are run, how incompetent everyone is, she’s the only one who’s any good etc. She gets quite obsessive about it and rants on about how awful it is to anyone who’ll listen. Anyone else know anyone like this? It intrigues me.

I know about four people like this.

One really enjoys the learning/getting to grips with it at the start then gets bored. Once they realised this about themselves they used it to their advantage and began seeking out promotions and progressing pretty quickly within the one company - prior to that they job hopped quite a bit.

Three of them basically think they're better than they are. They don't have the skills, qualifications or experience for the type of job they want but feel that they're way above the type of job they're qualified for. We're all mid forties now so have seen this pattern repeated quite a lot as they go from job to job and it's always someone else's incompetence that is the reason behind their leaving. There's very little self-awareness!

@OnTheFerry - what you describe sounds just like me.

Here are my thoughts on being a moaning job changer.

I feel like I am being crushed by going to the same role day in day out. It gets harder each day to go. I think everyone thinks I am shit and wish I would move on. (No one thinks this) Externalizing the issues by fixating on ‘something wrong’ helps to cushion my fragile ego - because I simultaneously feel wretched. Why can’t I just get on and go to work?

Here I am burning out again…which happens when my physical body steps in to give my mind a break.

There is something hopeful about applying for a new job - a chance for a re-start. For a while I experience a golden period where I am leaving one but not started the new one. I feel mentally free from expectations and I always start to enjoy my job and wish so much I had been able to approach it with the ‘care-less’ attitude.

Wow..my post is bleak….

There are some people who blame their unhappiness on external things such as jobs and just fixate on this without realising they have things they need to sort out in themselves first and foremost. I’ve known people like this with where they live too, constantly moving because the next house or job will be the one that makes them happy.

I think people have too much choice these days

People can move around easier. So they do.

There used to be a recession in ireland ten years ago and if i was offered one job , I would have snapped it up.

Now irelands economy is booming. Rheres loads of jobs

I was recently offered two jobs and I agonised for weeks over which job to take

The indecion was awful. It kept me up at night.

Added to that there are thousands of remote jobs in my area in europe now

I've sometimes debated with myself for days. Should I stay in irelamd, should I move to uk, should I move to spain. There is too much choice!

I was like this and still can be. I find the same workplace gets stifling over time. I hate it and wish I wasn't that way, I know I'm the common denominator.

Had a good little role where I moved around to many different settings and that really suited me. I also freelanced and have had unconventional work which also suited.

Contemplating returning to work after time off to raise small children. Not sure what to do! Maybe work from home, at least I like it here!

I don't think there is anything wrong with people having issues conforming to the mundane work structure. Some corporate sectors are truly miserable and I can't comprehend how everyone isn't up in arms about the way we live tbh.

Don't feel guilty or ashamed, maybe you just haven't found a sector that you can feel passionate about yet. I grew up in an army family and could never imagine staying in the same job more than 3 - 4 years. Quite telling.

This is a relative of mine! We have the same profession, although years apart in terms of uni graduation dates. My longest job was 8yrs in 1 company, hers was at most 1yr! She has moved within months and changes to very different areas of our profession often. As a child, she was diagnosed with ADHD, but now believes she has bi-polar or autism along with multiple other health issues.

OP- To answer your OP, my relative either becomes overwhelmed by responsibility of the job, feels she can't cope, perceives others don't like her or has other health concerns that take over and make her go off sick.

Yep, adhd here too and have had loads of jobs.

What I should have done is get a job with both structure and danger, then it would have been fine. Not suited to an office.

But there does come a point where if the issues follow you, you have to think about why! Sometimes it is them, sometimes it's you.

This is me and I have recently realised it's probably because I am autistic and/or ADHD. Waiting to be assessed.

I just can't cope with the amount of time spent at work, the repetition, the amount of talking to people, the office politics, the corporate lingo, it's all so mind-numbing and dehumanising. It makes me literally suicidal, so after a certain amount of time I always end up having a breakdown and having to not work for several months to recover. Oh joy!

I think what the OP describes of her friend is very different from many of the examples that have been given in response.

I have changed jobs quite frequently - I had a spell of working as an interim - it gives you a lot of confidence, so I'm confident in my abilities to find another role, I'm also fortunate enough to not really need the money, so if I'm not being respected and treated well, I prefer to move on.

Recently found something I'm enjoying, so hopefully will stay for a while.

Tbh I don't think there's anything wrong, from a competency standpoint, in always changing jobs. Unless you work in a field with a real shortage due to low pay and bad conditions, most decent jobs have hundreds of applications. And employers don't like job hoppers! So you must have something special that allows you to get hired, again and again.

In fact these days people are encouraged to keep switching jobs for higher salaries... also some industries are short-lived like start-ups.

It's the moaning that's the issue.

FWIW I also don't like working, but the fear of not having any money outweighs it! I don't feel like I fit in anywhere. The corporate world is just people BS-ing, arguing, doing things that don't matter for illogical reasons like politics and power games.

I chose my current field because it has good potential for contracting. Being employed is great for maternity benefits and the like but I don't think I'll ever return FT after children. Contracting in between the summer holidays, mat cover etc is all I'm aiming for.

Her unhappiness clearly doesn’t stem from her employment.

My ex was like this, didn’t like authority, knew best, wanted to be treated like a god, found fault in folk. Best behaviour for a year in each job then started his strops with them.

It's very common in teaching to switch every 2 years.

For many staff, this can be chasing promotion, and a part of my job switches were exactly that.

Staff turnover, even in management, also means that a school can go from a decent environment to a toxic one very quickly, and students can turn from well-behaved into barely controllable depending on who is in charge of behaviour.

You could toughen in out, but who needs daily abuse in the hope that the next crop of management or colleagues is any better. So you keep moving until you get the rare opportunity to work in a school that never advertises unless someone retires, because those schools are so few and far between.

ADHD or autism.
I say this as I get incredibly depressed in dull environments and people where I am have decided I'm different.
Too invested in work
Too chatty anything.Not your typical woman.
Perhaps your friend needs a different career that engaged her strengths.

Oh dear! She may well be the common denominator. But, I also agree with her. I myself don't move, I've been in my jobs for 7 years, 13 years, 3 years. But each place had massive problems and was very badly run. Aren't most places?

I get bored. I am not good at climbing the ladder so it's easy to make more elsewhere.

It could be. She sounds like a friend of the type that can be a good laugh, but best kept at a bit of a distance. She'll be complaining about you when you don't meet her expectations.

However bad she is I don't think you should be armchair diagnosing her with a personality disorder unless you're a qualified psychiatrist.

Agree with this...

Are you sure you're her friend @peashootsalad ?

You've been quite disparaging about her on here. It doesn't sound as though you like her very much or that you're coming from a genuine place of concern.

That was me. I'm a perfectionist and simply can't tolerate incompetence, poor systems, etc. Probably due to being ND. I always started a new job full of enthusiasm, puts lots of time/effort in, way above the requirements, and the became disillusioned and frustrated being "trapped" by the surroundings as I'd want to change things, do things in a more efficient way, get ever more annoyed by colleagues who would be slow or make mistakes, etc. I usually stayed 1 to 2 years, but often would be looking for new jobs after a few months, in fact the "worst" was when I started looking for a new job within the first week! Despite all that, I never had a day of unemployment, not even after leaving school, as I left on a Friday and started work on the Monday. Even when I've had enough and start looking for new jobs, I always stayed there, doing the job to an acceptable standard (although I'd stop going the extra mile and just "cruise" like the other staff). Even in jobs I was generally happy with, I'd be forever changing things like moving desks - I just couldn't settle! When you spend 35-40 hours of the week in one place doing the job, I think you need it to be "right" for you - maybe part time working isn't as bad??

My "cure" was going self employed and starting my own business, which I did 25 years ago. I chose my own office to rent, bought all my own equipment, chose my own client base, set up my own systems, etc., and it's been ultra efficient, and in those 25 years I've changed very little - my desk is in exactly the same place with the same view! I have software that I choose myself so works for me, along with a self-built database as none of the off the shelf databases did what I wanted, so I taught myself and wrote my own. It's so liberating not to be told what to do by bosses (often incompetent) or having to work alongside people who don't pull their weight or be constrained and struggling with dysfunctional software or unreliable equipment. I'm 60 now, but would happily carry on working for another 10/20 years, just as long as my physical and mental health enable it, as my working environment is perfect for me and I no longer have that same urge for change that I suffered when working for others.

I do think that those who are ND can really struggle with people and systems who they think aren't efficient/competent/reliable - they're just not programmed to "sit back and think of England" when it comes to the workplace and put up with it and take the money.

I dont think we should put up with shit jobs if we have options.

I have ADD and I like efficiency and improvement, watching waste every single day winds me up. I've had a number of 'corporate' jobs now and I'm STAGGERED at the waste involved in companies I previously saw as respectable. Cost of living, environmental problems caused by over consumption and then we have this repeated over and over. It knocks me sick. I cant bear to be around it and contributing to it. Others dont seem to give a shit - just turning up every day to cash the paycheque.

In my case it was because I hated working.

As I come from a poor council background, there was no encouragement to study, do well at school etc.

So leaving school with hardly any GCSE’s meant low paid, hard work jobs. I remember college turning me away as I didn’t have the minimum grades for any course. I eventually found an apprenticeship in a nursery so the year after I was allowed in college due to me having work experience.

i was only allowed to do one year though as my mum wanted board money, so I fell into the trap of low paid jobs like nurseries, care work etc.

i married a high earner and haven’t worked for about 12 years.

i wanted to be a paramedic, but there’s no way I could go into that without resitting my G.C.S..Es.