People who move from job to job but are never happy. What causes it?

[peashootsalad]

I have had a friend for 2 years. During the time I’ve known her she has persistently changed jobs and I think has had at least 5 (I’ve lost count). The jobs have been in different fields but the issues she’s had are similar. She starts off happy for a few weeks, then starts to complain about how things are run, how incompetent everyone is, she’s the only one who’s any good etc. She gets quite obsessive about it and rants on about how awful it is to anyone who’ll listen. Anyone else know anyone like this? It intrigues me.

Same with a friend of mind who is an excellent and committed teacher: she prefers to do supply teaching due to the appalling way she has been treated in more long term roles by management and the kids...

@Startingagainandagain
This I feel deep in my marrow. I will only do supply in UK schools. It is like a war zone in some schools

I had a friend like this. Each job also involved her raising a grievance, getting union involved. As a pp said, she never recognised the common denominator .

Some people just don’t like working. It’s just an unfortunate fact that we have to, to be able to live.

There was a thread on here a few weeks ago asking what job people would do if money didn’t matter. IIRC, me and lots of others would like to work in a bookshop. Or be a dog walker, however there’s so many dog walkers my way, it would be very, very difficult to make a living at it. Not many bookshops, apart from the wonderful one in a nearby town, that never seems to have vacancies 😢.

I always wanted to do beauty therapy, but that wouldn’t have done for my parents; I was ‘clever’ (not really, just went to a shit school and looked brilliant next to most, had 6 A-C GCSEs) and so would go to sixth form and do A-levels. They weren’t for me, can’t do the work, tried since when older and still can’t do it. I do now have an OU diploma though.

Left sixth form and went to a more vocational college. Again, wanted beauty but was told by their course adviser that I’d be better doing hair & beauty which I didn’t want to as I’m crap at doing hair. I was persuaded into media studies and left after a year. Couldn’t afford uni, parents wouldn’t have been able to pay anything, although on paper they could.

DH offered to buy me a shop if I wanted to still do beauty a few years ago when we were both made redundant. However, it would’ve taken me at least 2 years to qualify and there are so many beauticians/nail shops near me, I’ve missed the boat sadly.

I’d love to work for myself but I don’t have a skill to sell. The other ideal would be working PT, but those roles seem very hard to come by too if you’re applying ‘off the street’ as it were.

Just wanted to add here that it's not always because the person thinks they're better than everyone else, ego thing etc.

If you saw my resume you'd think the same - the longest I've ever been in a job is 21 months and most I've averaged about 1 year-18 months, but it really really gets me down. To the point where I'm currently really struggling with my MH because yet again I've started a new job and yet again it doesn't feel like a good fit because of my own doubts about myself and my confidence, so I'm off sick waiting for a GP appointment to try and get to the bottom of why I find it so difficult to stay.

I've had CBT, talking therapy, art therapy, all to no avail. It is completely paralysing feeling like your job isn't right (or you're not right for the job) and going round and round in circles trying to find the right fit.

Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer but it's not always as clear cut just from looking at CVs.

But I think the issue comes when some people look at what they want from "the right fit". If it's (like my ex colleague who recently left) to feel never stressed but also sufficiently challenged, to have entirely supportive and friendly colleagues, exactly the right amount of hours, great pay, benefits and opportunity for progression, either a short commute or no commute if you want WFH, plenty of holiday, and bonuses - it's really hard to find in one place.

I work for a small family company with the perfect part time hours, 15 minutes away, but the tradeoff is that the pay is average and there are no bonuses.

Am I your friend? Perhaps she just finds it harder to accept mediocrity (or worse) than others..

I think there's a few different types of people who job hop regularly.

1 - those who genuinely just like change, low boredom threshold

2- those who chase every salary increase - some with good reason, others who just always think they are worth more. I've seen people more for a worse overall package just for a minimum increase is salary & most likely will be eroded by the increased travel cost

3 - those who really cannot stand taking instructions cannot get on with anyone

4 - the over promoted - we had a senior manager once who was shit- goes on PIP and moves, it keeps happening- he has a great cv but it's not good enough at the job and everyone keeps managing him out when they find out

'Twitchy and traumatised' .. well that just sums me up completely. Was in a job that I absolutely loved and i was very good at.It was perfect. But management were absolutely awful. Bullies, Threatened by me. The people above them couldn't act because they'd been with the company too long it very nearly broke me. I had to leave a job I loved. And now I trust nobody. I can't stay in a job for any length of time. As soon as it starts to be less than perfect, I'm off looking for the next thing. I hate it. But I cant be any different now. Hard work doesn't pay off, that's a complete fallacy.

For me it's none of those - it's because of a mix of imposter syndrome, feeling like I've chosen completely the wrong career, and reaching burn out very quickly which then leads to looking for new jobs and leaving. My job is very niche, took a long time to train for but has ended up in reality being completely different to my training, which ends up making me feel completely inept. I have worked with such wonderful teams (and usually stay in touch with at least one person from each job), the pay is really good, on paper it is very interesting, however I find it intensely challenging and out of my comfort zone all.the.time. The nerves and anxiety I felt when newly qualified have never ever gone away (and I've been qualified 10+ years). However I'm so stuck now I don't know what else I can do!!

Sorry to go on, I obviously need to talk about it 😂. Don't mean to hijack. I guess I'm just saying it's not always about chasing promotions or not being able to get on with others or follow instructions. I can do all of that, it's my own internal struggles which lead to me leaving.

@cakewitch bless you, that sounds awful.

I got made redundant from my dream job right out of uni (before retraining) and I think that has impacted my confidence hugely, I'm always expecting the worse so perhaps it's self-sabotage leaving before I can be made redundant

@OnTheFerry could you look at what your transferable skillset it?

Are there any parts of the job you like at all and could thry be used in other industries etc?

@Freckles81 we had the same childhood and I too job hop and struggle to stay in one home and one job.

I am learning slowly that it pays off to just stick and tough it out. I don't have roots or a "home town " but I feel I'm getting there and I'm currently in a role I've been in for a long time now and I like it.

I am always on indeed looking for more though.....

Shitty nasty managers

The first couple of years in a job are always the hardest - you are new, you need to prove yourself to the team, deliver. Some buckle and quit. I've toughed it out and worked my ass off, got results, now I'm very settled 7 years in, register pay rises, regular bonuses, set my own annual targets. Nothing worth having comes easy and I've seen a lot of quitters that then moan about their situation. Your life is your responsibility, ride out the storm into the rainbow or sink. There will always be someone to replace you.

I'd never had a job longer than 15 months until I got my current job. I've been here 6 years! I just took a while to find something that hit the sweet spot of salary, work/life balance, flexibilty and interesting enough to hold my attention. I just kept going until I found what I was looking for.

@Freckles81 I couldn't cope as a teacher either, and have tried out several different, unrelated jobs - and that's without having experienced what you have in the way of adverse experiences. I do have ADHD (symptoms of trauma can align with symptoms of ADHD).

I hope you do manage to find the right kind of support. I just want to send you a huge, virtual hug and say you have nothing, NOTHING to be ashamed of. X

Hear hear @Freckles81 (hug)

There was a period, a couple of years ago where I'd had 4 jobs in 2 years. The first I'd been in for 20 years (redundancy), the 2nd involved working with some of the worst people I've ever met and the 3rd stressed me out. I've been in the 4th for almost 2 years now and love it, but I also understand the appeal of switching jobs.

BIL is like this. He had a brilliant job for a decade which he left shortly after SIL married him to pursue their dream of living abroad. It totally buggered up his career and since then he’s gone from job to job. There always seems to be something against him - a bad system, a bad boss, bad words said against him. Tbh I think he probably just doesn’t want to work anymore and would be far happier on the dole!

Bullying, ADHD, you can be sniffed out a mile if you are different?

Reading all this with interest and @Freckles81 ‘s words resonated a lot as I’ve a similar background.

I was academically strong but had zero support to follow an academic path. I went from job to job - night school here and there, got a first class degree etc but by that time I was having to pay more bills and I became a serial job flitter - 2,3,4 years max. It wasn’t a superiority thing or reluctance to be told what to do (maybe, in truth, that was exactly what it was). I just always suffered from jobs having little meaning, at least to me. I worked hard at first, then less so, and as my commitment to organisations waned, I guess my militance started. Just complete lack of desire to do more than what’s asked of me.

I see it in my managers. They keep me on in roles that are ‘beneath me’ (don’t mean to sound like an arse) because I am reliable, and, on paper, articulate, but always want to push me up into roles that are more stress and more, well, grief (cue: meaningless). I’m not a company person but also don’t have a trade to make my own.

I realise this isn’t the fault of so many roles I’ve earned at interview. The disillusionment soon sets in, or I get burnout. My party trick is what job haven’t I done.

However I’m finding some new success in something totally unrelated with my jobs, yet, ironically, have really fuelled. Thank god, or I’d be a lost and miserable sod forever!

Good on them for not staying in a job where they aren't happy.

This is just like me! My current job is my longest serving (3 years) but before that my longest was one year. I just get bored. Like you my current role is WFH which I think takes the edge off it.

This is me,I'm autistic and also have Adhd

Another p with an adhd diagnosis here, and who has thrived since figuring out that I need unpredictability and change to be part of my role. There is something about having the job role right that allows me to relax and build relationships, so that I can be happy in a role long term. Plus, you know, I got a lot better at picking bosses.

But my background is employment law and I have also come across a significant minority of people who just can't settle in work. My tuppence worth observation is that they very often haven't had a disaster to learn from. They hop, and then fall into something else and don't learn from it or progress, but also it never really goes wrong.

Most of us are a bit like this before we grow up, but eventually we have something that puts our mortgage at risk or we have kids or whatever it is that tells you 'next time, I have to make this work.' And most of us find that when the chips are down, we can.