For having a go at dh? Always "coming down with" whatever sickness I have

[27Bumblebees]

I woke up on Saturday morning feeling really terrible. Achy joints and pains in my lower abdomen like needles in the ovaries. We were heading to a nearby city for an event in the car (which I was already nervous about being well enough to attend) and told dh I was still feeling rough. He replied saying how he's also not been feeling well.

Every single time I'm sick, he also miraculously comes down with what I have. It's infuriating and means I can't just get the rest I need without him making a point that he too is coming down with what I have (despite no symptoms). Eg when I had covid last, he was convinced he was going to get it/ coming down with it despite never testing positive or having symptoms.

So this time I was just so annoyed, I said "ugh that's a real bloke thing to do". I regret the man bashing, but there is history too. What should I have said? He was acting so wounded after i said that.

Just tested positive for covid, so am legitimately sick, and he's doing it again. Negative tests for him and the 3 kids but he's sure he's "not been right".

For context, when he is really sick, I let him rest, sort the kids out etc.

Thing is, there's a high chance he will get covid if you have it so it's not unlikely

Next time have period pains and see if he copies

My dad does this when my mum is ill, it drives her nuts!

Sure, but to complain only when I mention it? Otherwise seems fine and testing negative. I know viruses are shared between family members, and if he becomes ill I will support him. Last time I had it, my daughter caught it and he didn't, so it's not always a given. It feels almost like he is minimising my own sickness.

I'd always say my illness was something like period cramps or anything that only women can get, regardless of what was actually wrong with me !

It's either that or you need to ask him 'How are you feeling today, while smiling at him. Wait for him to say 'fine' or 'good', then say 'Well I feel crap, I'm really feeling ill'.

That way, he can't suddenly 'feel ill' when he's only just declared himself feeling 'fine' !

My DH does this. Last year when I had Covid and tested positive he spent the next three days doing Covid tests (negative) and then said the tests must be broken as he was SURE he had Covid. Infuriating.

My ex did this. His belly hurt worse than mine after my c section.
I think it's that they fear actually having to be the person putting more into a relationship than they get out. Like "oh no, I'm going to have to help her, no I can't possibly, I must always be the one being cared for.... I'm more poorly"

Ex.

It’s definitely a man thing, they seem to think women can manage whilst feeling ill. When we had Covid I was last to test positive despite feeling unwell, so I was the one cooking, walking the dog, up and down the stairs with drinks, food and medication, sleeping downstairs to try not to catch it. By day 4 DH gets up, says he’s feeling a bit better, but in reality just needed to watch football on tv downstairs, so I went to bed and slept solid 18 hours, then tested positive next day. Neither DH or 2 adult children asked how I was, or if I needed anything.

I think some men are subconsciously affected by others being ill. My DH is a bit squeamish and he will sometimes feel sympathy pain. So, for instance, an F1 driver recently had apendicitis and he acknowledged it was ridiculous but said he felt pain in that part of his body! He wasn't looking for sympathy or to get out of anything. I'm definitely not saying that there aren't plenty of men out there looking to pull a fast one!

I see. Yes this sounds shit.

Can you ask him why he does it?

You should tell him don't worry, you don't have to pretend to be ill. I promise not to ask you to help lighten my load while I'm sick.

It's not subtle of course but 🤷

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/munchausen-syndrome/overview/

Always say it's period related

My husband does this every time. Funny that he has no issue letting me crack on with everything including feeding him etc but on the very rare occasion he has got what I've had he obviously can't function at all. Every bloody time!

Yeah, just call it out.

I’ve stopped being nursemaid to DH when he’s unwell - he gets meals and I’ll bring him a drink every now and then, but I just get on with it.

when dc was a toddler we all came down with norovirus. Guess who has to do all the cleaning up and sick child caring while the other play in bed groaning in agony 🙄

I will. I'm the past with this sort of thing he's just denied he does it, argues and then gets cross at me accusing him. So not exactly open to discussion..

Sounds so awful.

My dh has been short with me all day, having dared to ask for help. Its against my nature not to care for the people around me so I hate the i now don't think I'll want to give any sympathy whatsoever when he is next unwell. Feels like a fast track to resentment, but it's bubbling up inside.

Mondays are my workday when the kids nanny comes, so if course we had to cancel her and I got to look after a 1 and 4 year old on my own. What a prize!

Illness top trumps is what it's referred to in our house.
My DH is exactly the same, turns every mention of feeling slightly unwell into a big competition that he just has to win. Very draining.

I think I would just ignore him mostly when he announces he's sick the same time you are. Also why did you have to cancel the nanny?

Because I have covid. It's the agency policy, and I can't expect her to come and expose herself as she is looking after children with other families. We're not in the UK in case this is not the standards way of working over there

That was in re ply to the post below asking why I cancelled the nanny

Yes I think you need to pursue it. Don't let him gaslight you or whatever its called

Yep. Whenever I'm ill and need some rest, you can put money on DH suddenly having symptoms and obviously being far more poorly and unable to do anything.
He does have a health condition and and it is hard for him, which makes it difficult to argue but sometimes, I want to shout, "just let me be bloody ill in peace for once, it's not all about you!"

My husband does this. Every. Single. Fucking. Time.
If you have young children, I strongly suspect it's to stop you expecting them to take over the care.