For having a go at dh? Always "coming down with" whatever sickness I have

[27Bumblebees]

I woke up on Saturday morning feeling really terrible. Achy joints and pains in my lower abdomen like needles in the ovaries. We were heading to a nearby city for an event in the car (which I was already nervous about being well enough to attend) and told dh I was still feeling rough. He replied saying how he's also not been feeling well.

Every single time I'm sick, he also miraculously comes down with what I have. It's infuriating and means I can't just get the rest I need without him making a point that he too is coming down with what I have (despite no symptoms). Eg when I had covid last, he was convinced he was going to get it/ coming down with it despite never testing positive or having symptoms.

So this time I was just so annoyed, I said "ugh that's a real bloke thing to do". I regret the man bashing, but there is history too. What should I have said? He was acting so wounded after i said that.

Just tested positive for covid, so am legitimately sick, and he's doing it again. Negative tests for him and the 3 kids but he's sure he's "not been right".

For context, when he is really sick, I let him rest, sort the kids out etc.

Would love to know the actual psychology behind this.

One thing that really grinds my gears is when I say how tired I am, DP often replies ‘what about me?’ I’ve had one undisturbed sleep where our toddler has slept through the night since she was born. DP on the other hand was telling people she slept through the night at only a few months old 🤔

I had an ex like this, I was never allowed to be unwell. He was actually nastier to me the more unwell I was which made me feel worse. If he had so much as a toothache the house had to come to a standstill to tend to his every need.
I remember when I was heavily pregnant & even after DD was born, he was incredibly demanding & selfish. Tried ordering me about to 'get this' or 'pass him that'. He would stay in bed until 3pm each day.
Men are disgusting pigs.

I have settled youngest dc overnight since she was born, she's 18mo, as cosleeping and bf to sleep gets us all the most sleep. But I'm still tired from not having a full night's sleep for 18mo. He tells people she sleeps through until 6 and he gets up with her, like he's the father of the year and I'm the lazy bitch sleeping in. I always pick him up on that though.

This morning I had to beg him to take her at 4.30 after settling her overnight, still feeling terrible. He did take her in the end (after 7.5hr uninterrupted sleep for him) but then had to go back to bed when I woke at 6.30 with the other kids, until almost 9am.

Not one kind word has been said since I started feeling rough on Saturday. He just keeps telling me to take medicines that won't help (I'm on paracetamol and ibuprofen), and giving me jobs to do "once I'm better", like I'm not going to be busy with the kids and my own work when I'm better.

Uuuggghhh what am I doing.

I totally feel your pain. I've done every night waking since DC were born, not by choice. If I ever say I'm tired, not once has DP replied anything other than "So am I." It's the same with illness, if my throat is sore, so is his.
I wonder if they think they're empathising but just getting it totally wrong?

I always remember the first time my ex-Dh did this when we were dating. In the honeymoon period I got a terrible flu and his reaction was just to be angry. I actually thought he would be super caring and kind. But he resented it so much. Of course I got better and forgot all about it...until the next time.
Developed hyperemisis in first pregnancy with dc1 and his reaction was the same. So at 6 weeks pregnant I realised I had married a jerk! Very bad days.
Took me ages to leave, but I wish 23 year old me had known what a red flag was when I got that flu.
It was always 'coming down with' aswell, it never actually turned into symptoms.
You can try to puzzle it out and bend your brain to understand. But the explanation is sadly that he is (hopefully only partially and not all the time) an a$$h*le.

Just because you haven't experienced something doesn't make it abnormal

Pleeeeeease tell me you pointed out the obvious to her? Please?!

If he collapsed then I doubt that's faked!

It was if she did everything.

@gannett

The MN approach to illness is just one of the most bizarre things.

It’s not the ‘MN approach’, it’s the approach of some men who can’t bear to take any responsibility for housework and childcare, especially when their wives are ill and resting.

I've never actually met anyone who fakes illness to the extent that apparently all your husbands do (and would think it was borderline psychotic behaviour).

I’ve never been strangled or slapped by a male partner but that doesn’t mean many partners don’t abuse their wives.

Your experience isn’t the only one, so your post is absurd.

Wow you must be a genius doctor being able to diagnose strangers on the internet like that.

This.

My Dh was like this when the kids were small, his sick days almost always fell on the weekend as well. He also got sick for at least a few days every time we went on holiday when the kids were under 8. It infuriated me so much I tested it once by telling him I felt flu-y when I didn’t. Sure enough, the next day (a Saturday) he couldn’t get out of bed.

But I’m not sure it’s intentional. We were, to be fair, both at the end of our rope physically at that time. Neither of us slept properly, we didn’t get enough exercise, we drank more than we should have, etc. we found young children really draining. I think it was a stress reaction because it was a bloody nightmare.

I’ve now got cancer and he’s an absolute dream despite having just been diagnosed with Crohn’s himself. Couldn’t be more supportive and not a hint of trying to claim the same.

I have ulcerative colitis. One of the symptoms during a relapse is extreme fatigue because your colon is unable to absorb any nutrients. This means I am exhausted by 3pm. I take medication but it can take time. DH actually suggested I request my colon be removed in order to ‘cure’ my disease because he didn’t like making his own dinner. I had to reiterate the part the colon’s function is to absorb nutrients and without it, I will always be tired.

DH did this while I was pg and got very short shrift from the midwives!! He couldn’t understand why complaining that he had a bit of a cold (a long time pre-Covid) was inappropriate when I’d just been admitted at 32 weeks pg with bleeding.

It doesn’t stop him from doing it now too though.

My ex used to do this to me too. If I had a headache, he had migraine etc. His illness was always worse than mine.
I had dreadful issues with my gall bladder resulting in eventually having it removed. He then tells me he is having the same symptoms and took to his bed! Fifteen years post divorce he still has his gall bladder.

I'm deviating here but it reminded me on the time when I was secretly pregnant and had a zoom call with my male boss. He asked me how I was and I said I was unwell (morning sickness) and he said he was too, maybe we had caught the same thing... I said it was unlikely...

But he probably does have it if you do? We all got Covid last year and the two that tested negative were the worse (I’m defending him because dh generally announces he’s sick just before I’ve gotten sick but we both end up sick and he regularly says ‘why are you sick every time I’m sick?’ He once did his back in on the same day I started feeling back spasms (wish I’d told him before he said it) 🙈😅)

Why would you BU for having a go at him about something you don't like him doing? Of course you're not unreasonable if it annoys you.

ODFOD. Try telling folk whose loved ones died of COVID it's all a con.

My stbxh would always always always be ill that day after me.

Invariably.

It's like he felt he was owed a day off because I'd been ill.

God I'm glad to be rid of him.

It’s typical man thing to not have to want to step up and look after the kids so of course they have to be sick too