For having a go at dh? Always "coming down with" whatever sickness I have

[27Bumblebees]

I woke up on Saturday morning feeling really terrible. Achy joints and pains in my lower abdomen like needles in the ovaries. We were heading to a nearby city for an event in the car (which I was already nervous about being well enough to attend) and told dh I was still feeling rough. He replied saying how he's also not been feeling well.

Every single time I'm sick, he also miraculously comes down with what I have. It's infuriating and means I can't just get the rest I need without him making a point that he too is coming down with what I have (despite no symptoms). Eg when I had covid last, he was convinced he was going to get it/ coming down with it despite never testing positive or having symptoms.

So this time I was just so annoyed, I said "ugh that's a real bloke thing to do". I regret the man bashing, but there is history too. What should I have said? He was acting so wounded after i said that.

Just tested positive for covid, so am legitimately sick, and he's doing it again. Negative tests for him and the 3 kids but he's sure he's "not been right".

For context, when he is really sick, I let him rest, sort the kids out etc.

I used to work with a woman who did this. You’d never tell her you were feeling under the weather as she would then say “Oh God, I don’t feel right either” and would then call in sick to say she had “What XYZ has”.

Competitive sickness.

My husband does it every time he even thinks I’m going to be ill. If I come downstairs looking pale, he’ll make sure he gets in that he’s not feeling great.

If I say I’m tired, he’s more tired and not sleeping at all, despite the fact I can hear his snoring through the bedroom walls.

One of my parents is seriously ill at the moment and between work commitments, attending hospital appointments and and daily treatment appointments I don’t have an inch to give. Obviously this is the time that my husband has decided his “backs” playing up, he’s having a “hard” time in work and whatever else takes his mood to trump everything.

It’s incredibly childish and selfish.

As a consequence of my parent’s illness I’m facing genetic testing, with quite serious surgeries if I have some faulty genes. I haven’t bothered telling my husband whilst I wait for results because it will just be about him and I’ve resigned myself that if I do need surgery, when I’m discharged I will need to either book into a hotel or beg a friend to take me in for a week - otherwise I know I won’t get time to recover mentally or physically.

I felt like this Friday but to be fair he is ill enough today that he is off work. Definite irritating assumption though that when he is ill everything is totally awful and so he just vanishes off to bed leaving me who is also ill to deal with DC

my partner does this! He also without me saying anything about me is always ill or not right or feeling off. I ignore him now 😂 he soon forgets about it. Sometimes he uses it as an excuse to be a lazy shit and I just say welcome to my world no time to be ill. World doesn’t stop because I’m not 100%. Sympathy is limited to serious illness else I’m convinced he’d never get up or leave the house

Mine does this too but to be fair I just tell him he’s coming down with a bad case of hypochondria, and he has the good grace to giggle at himself and crack on as normal. Laugh it off.

This one one of the reasons I left my dh, not because he was sick, but because what was the point of the relationship if the one person who is meant to love you and care about you, isn’t able to put you first for a couple of days. It’s selfish pure and simple and gives an insight into how they really feel.

Wait until chemotherapy is kicking your ass and you get to hear about headache/achy back/feeling under the weather...

I feel your pain. If I get something after DH, I obviously don’t have it as bad as he did because he couldn’t get out of bed.

If he gets something after me, there’s no way I could have had it as bad as him because be can’t get out of bed.

The reason I have to get out of bed is because he does fuck all when it comes to taking care of DS. The reason he can stay in bed is because I am too fucking considerate.

3 days of induction in hospital followed by an emergency c-section, baby in neo natal and me with several conditions and literally a constant flow of people in my hospital room for a week and barely any opportunity to eat. However, I had no idea how exhausting it was for him doing the 20 minute journey to the hospital at 10am and them back home at 7pm every day!

You're lucky. My husband isn't like this but my Dad is. I once had a rare bladder inflammation condition that caused extreme pain. When I complained about it, doubled up in pain, he told me his bladder was coincidentally inflamed too and hurting even worse.

He didn't have an inflamed bladder condition. He'd literally never had bladder pain before. He just had to be the illest - he was worse with my poor Mum, who did everything for us when she was sick.

I feel you.
Sometimes you just want to be able to be ill without DP (suddenly) having a list to present back to you.
See also: competitive tiredness.

Ofc DH is more tired than me. I mean, I get up 45 mins later than him to get child to nursery 5 days a week, and I'm only up with baby around 3x a night. It makes sense he automatically gets lie ins at the weekend where I have to ask/tell him for me to have a turn.

I just take myself off to bed when I need to (children permitting). He has to step up when I'm not there. He's not one to volunteer but will do when he has to.

I mentioned to a 'friend' that my brother was in intensive care and suddenly she came up with her dd1 having been in a hit and run and was now on life support! She said they'd have to decide whether to turn it off. She also said she'd been looking after her dd's baby dd. I was surprised she wasn't at her dd's bedside but I knew she was estranged from her dd and hadn't seen her gc in months. Anyway I didn't see her for a while and then I saw photos on sm of her gc's birthday - she wasn't in them - but her dd was looking perfectly healthy (about 2 weeks after our conversation)!

My husband had back pain and cramping when I was heavily pregnant. Six weeks after the birth of our son, he collapsed with exhaustion 🙄. I had done everything and was teetering towards PND because our baby wasn't feeding properly. He was carted off to hospital for tests, myself and baby in tow. I'm currently perimenopausal, I'm waiting for him to start with that next 😬😬. What a tool!

I started peri 8 years ago and explained the symptoms to DH...his reply 'well I'm convinced men go thru similar because I've had/got XYZ too'. I nearly nutted him.

It took a long time before he realised just how severe my symptoms were and he now makes sympathy noises when I have a shit day rather than making it all about him. Pathetic tho.

My boyfriend does this, it's seriously infuriating. I'm currently pregnant and he's also apparently been experiencing some of my pregnancy symptoms 🤦🏼‍♀️ love him but it drives me insane!!

I'm going to say these exact words to him. Thank you!

Oh wow that is awful. I hope you make a good recovery

I hope you are recovering. Sorry to hear about the chemo.

I once spent time in intensive care with double pneumonia and meningitis. When I was finally released to the ward to spend almost 3 weeks in total as an inpatient my MIL visited and spoke the immortal words, 'I think I've got what you had', which utterly enraged me!

I'm pretty sure she didn't. I spent several days in a coma with Doctors telling my DH there was a 70% chance I wasn't going to make it.

This is absolutely crazy but such a man thing to do!
myself and DH have somehow never suffered with the same illness together, even covid and stomach bugs!
I’d definitely complain of PMS symptoms and wait for him to “catch them” 🤣

After 9 months of tests and worries of serious health issues and battling on I have now been diagnosed with hypertension (as opposed to heart problems so small win) 3 cysts (not breast cancer) stress related palpitations (not arrhythmia) and stress in general..
. Oh and 2 fractures after a fall. All appointments alone. Never hinted at any support as he lacks empathy.. Dh decides he needs antidepressants.. Fair enough mh is still real. But... He is actually fuming I have also got low dose meds for sleeping and relieve stress.
.. Like he is the only one needs them
. ...

My ex did this and my dad used to do it too. Also competitive tiredness.

I think it’s because they were mollycoddled by their mothers and can’t stand the thought of having to take the reins.

It's male panic. They're scared shitless of having to cope. Pathetic specimens ( yes I'm single by choice )

It's so sad reading these examples of absurdly hypochondriac/competitive/Munchausen men. (And one female partner too.)

I'm wondering what would happen if the women in these relationships just stayed in bed, recuperating, when they're ill. In mist examples here, it sounds like they all end up doing everything while their partners moan.

There is always something wrong with my DH, sometimes it's real (he's had genuine issues), sometimes it's imagined.. I think the genuine issues are fueling the imaginary ones and god forbid I'm ill he's obviously got it too and a million times worse and needs rest etc and I'm expected to just carry on... Dickheads.. 😂

Eurgh. I have one of these pathetic bastards at home too.

I did it yesterday afternoon. DH was very short with me, his in laws (who did the heavy lifting with the little kids) didn't say a word to me, and as soon as I came out of the bedroom I was treated like I'd made a full recovery and thrown kids and jobs.

I asked dh in bed "you seem pretty annoyed with me, why?' And he snapped that i was being really unfair projecting on to him. End of conversation.