Can I actually afford it?

[Thisisembarassing]

Another child. I have 2 already. I really want another but there’s been a lot of posts lately about this sort of thing and it’s got me second guessing my own financial security for another child whereas previously I thought it would be fine.

mortgage 4 bed- £1400 a month
council tax 160 a month
elec/ gas- £160 (very energy efficient house)
food £500 a month
car insurance £80 a month
neflix- can’t remember £16 a month?
internet and phones £60
childcare £600 (funding we’re lucky that the nursery is one of the cheapest in the area but one of the best, it’s attached to a school so they do the funding very fairly, so we actually benefit from the government funding quite heavily)

income £6k

lifestyle. We like 2 abroad hols a year (nothing really extravagant, but we deal hunt and get a free child place, we go for wherever we get a deal, normally spend 2.5k on the hols) and a UK city break (nothing fancy premier inn and do tourist stuff, Edinburgh flights are free through work, london etc) and a UK hols (haven, butlins etc)

we save £50 for each child a month and now we can get CB again will save that equally for the kids. There are progression opportunities at work. We both have good parental leaves 6 months FP and phased return to work at full pay and 30 days hols each.

we save for us too, probably around £700 a month.

we both get bonuses too, probably between 10/20% of salary depending on performance and pay rises above inflation.

space wise even though we’ve enough bedrooms we might struggle but could make it work.

we already have a 7 seater car.

its fine right, this works? Honestly before MN I’d have thought this is fine, but since joining not long ago, it’s actually got me worrying. I cant think about moving up yet job wise either, just took a promotion at work

I think you also have to factor in that there's a possibility of becoming a single parent in the future due to relationship breakdown or death of a spouse.

Obviously we all hope for the best, but my own mother became a single parent of 4 children at 36 due to divorce.

One of our friends died in her thirties of breast cancer. Her husband is now a single parent to their 3 children.

My cousin is also a single father to his 3 children.

I'm aware that I took a risk having a 3rd child. I close my eyes, hope for the best hehe. :D

How sad, I’m sorry for the loss of your friend. We have LI to cover the financials but the emotional there catastrophic.

the health thing if the child has additional needs, i mean it is rolling the dice each time you have a child isn’t it really (i know it’s not you who mentioned this but I’m just commenting here)

I mean it is rolling the dice each time you have a child isn’t it really (i know it’s not you who mentioned this but I’m just commenting here)

It is, but the difference when you're having additional children is the impact it has on the pre existing children, and the more children you have, the higher the challenge faced with additional needs. I think we all go for the first and even the second baby without thinking about that very much, but I know when I was weighing up the 3rd I thought a lot more about the impact of a child with additional needs, I suppose because I had "gotten lucky" previously, but the stakes were now higher due to having children to already think about, and the gain was (for me) lower. I appreciate not everyone is as risk averse as that, but that was one of the big differences for me when thinking about the third. Plus I was getting older which added more risk in that area.

It's already been mentioned but teenagers are very expensive - laptops, trainers, uniform, school meals, clothes, phones, driving lessons, activities, school trips all add up. Not to mention university costs.

But it's worth considering the time needed to juggle 3x DC with different activities. Even if you limit extra-curricular stuff you potentially find yourself and DH trying to be in 3x places at once.

I have friend with 3x DC and they are frequently taking one to a football tournament at one end of the town while the other tries to get to dancing competitions and theatre lessons. Rugby is at a different time to football and even though two play football, the age gap means that they are never home or away at the same place at the same time. Add in birthday parties for friends, the odd school event, play dates, swimming lessons and music/choir practice for one who is particularly talented and it takes some major juggling.

Easy to say that you won't let them do too much but lots of this is fairly normal stuff that their friends do and where they build friendships and their social groups.

We have three and the same income as you. We don’t feel stretched, but we have a very low-key lifestyle. We spend very little on cars, clothes, going out. We spend no more than 2k a year on holidays. The thing we do spend money on is extracurriculars, which really do add up with three. I am currently spending about £400 a month just on clubs/tuition/music lessons. School uniform, bus passes and sports equipment are also a big outlay.

Where do you tend to go on your hols for spending £2k?

You can afford it. It sounds like you’re a logical person with your head screwed on. Do it if you want to.

I would if I were you….but I wouldn’t if it were me in that situation. But that is for other (environmental, state of the world etc) reasons.

Of course you do and this space wise even though we’ve enough bedrooms we might struggle but could make it work makes no sense.

Our income is just over half of yours and I'm pregnant with #3! Of course we don't have a lot of things you listed such as holidays or a large mortgage/4 bed house, or a 7 seater car etc, so our outgoings are comparatively a lot less. But I'm confident we can make it work although we may need to tighten our belts a little further as the kids get older if we don't manage more career progression/pay rises. But hopefully we will and it will just balance out.

this is going to sound obnoxious but whilst we have a 4 bed, we use one for WFH, and we don’t really have another space in the house to wfh which is 70% of our jobs

Why does it sound obnoxious 😄?

Like I’m whinging about a 4 bed? Thing is to get what we want we’d need a 5 bed esp future proofing for parents etc but the cost of those houses 😅

I think it's reasonable. A lot of people WFH, and need proper set-ups to be able to do that.

Loving the " we have a low key lifestyle" and then mentioning £2k in holidays and half a grand a month in musical tuition. 😂

I’m not saying my approach is correct, but when I was planning how many children to have I thought long and hard how many I can handle on my own? Partner and support aren’t guaranteed forever or for as long as I wish, so for me was important to understand how far am I willing/ is realistic for me to stretch kids-wise.

I would have a look for an imaginary holiday for 3 school aged children for half terms children for next year. Look carefully to make sure you’re split over 2 rooms. The holiday you booked is very cheap.

My friend is paying £2k this August for 3 children for a week in haven and that’s before the cost of food and activities.

2k does not go far for 5 people!

What I’m trying to get across is that we pay out loads for clubs. When you have 3 kids the downside is that if you want them to do extracurriculars you may not be able to also afford two cars, cars that are not old bangers, new clothes, eating out etc etc. That’s fine for us and we have a great life but the OP is clearly spending a fortune on holidays so it’s something to consider.

Off the top of my head for my eldest: activities and competition travel and entry fees (competes to a high level in netball, gymnastics and swimming). School trips (overnight and travel costs), tutoring, iPad (a school requirement), pocket money, shoes (including for school, sports, leisure etc), clothes and make up etc. Other things like mobile phone and fun activities with friends (cinema trips or going to coffee shops) etc.

My middle child costs a fortune due to her love of horses but she is autistic and it’s more than a hobby. She also costs a lot with sensory occupation therapy, SALT, ed psych, play therapy etc. Then there are some of the other costs incurred by my eldest to take into account for her.

Youngest comparatively doesn’t cost as much but is only in KS1. Very keen on tennis and music though which is starting to add up.

Then there is the emotional time and also time spent helping with home work and just chatting about their days. I had to stop working full time a long time again because of my middle child who is autistic and couldn’t attend any wraparound or holiday care. Financially that was a big and unexpected hit as it drastically decreased our income, although I accept we would have had three lots of wraparound and holiday costs to add in if I was working full time.

This is a very important consideration. Kids cost a lot more when they turn 18 and thereafter.

I'm budgeting at least £6k/year parental contribution for DS when he goes to uni (according to the MSE calculator).

We have 2 home offices and they are 100% needed now. Couldn't run either of our jobs from the kitchen table, and nor would I want to. It's a big consideration for house viewing now and basically means we can't move as would need to be looking at 6 bed houses to improve on what we have (bought as 4+study)

Tbh I think this is probably unrealistic for most and whilst I’m saving for my kids I’m not sure that money would be best spent going to uni for the sake of it

The havens for august are around 800 that I’ve seen, we looked into taking a friend but went against it, that was Devon cliffs

ive had a look last week of august and I can still get a nice enough hols 2 adults 3 kids, but now just breakfast for around 2.3k, 3 and a bit if I want AI, I’ll look in May. Oddly oct was looking more expensive than august

Well, no, but DS doesn't want to go to uni for the sake of it - he wants to go because he's academically very able, and wants to experience studying a particular subject in greater depth, and so that he can then go on to work in in a particular field.

thats good! I was also academically able (I have 3 degrees, luckily didn’t pay for the last 2) but I definitely went to uni for the sake of it.
where possible I’d be encouraging my kids to stay at home, but also dh and I have always fancied getting a BTL house, so maybe one of those could be an option if one of the dcs was absolutely dying for a course that they couldn’t study close to home. Though the only course I can think of there is marine biology