Can I actually afford it?

[Thisisembarassing]

Another child. I have 2 already. I really want another but there’s been a lot of posts lately about this sort of thing and it’s got me second guessing my own financial security for another child whereas previously I thought it would be fine.

mortgage 4 bed- £1400 a month
council tax 160 a month
elec/ gas- £160 (very energy efficient house)
food £500 a month
car insurance £80 a month
neflix- can’t remember £16 a month?
internet and phones £60
childcare £600 (funding we’re lucky that the nursery is one of the cheapest in the area but one of the best, it’s attached to a school so they do the funding very fairly, so we actually benefit from the government funding quite heavily)

income £6k

lifestyle. We like 2 abroad hols a year (nothing really extravagant, but we deal hunt and get a free child place, we go for wherever we get a deal, normally spend 2.5k on the hols) and a UK city break (nothing fancy premier inn and do tourist stuff, Edinburgh flights are free through work, london etc) and a UK hols (haven, butlins etc)

we save £50 for each child a month and now we can get CB again will save that equally for the kids. There are progression opportunities at work. We both have good parental leaves 6 months FP and phased return to work at full pay and 30 days hols each.

we save for us too, probably around £700 a month.

we both get bonuses too, probably between 10/20% of salary depending on performance and pay rises above inflation.

space wise even though we’ve enough bedrooms we might struggle but could make it work.

we already have a 7 seater car.

its fine right, this works? Honestly before MN I’d have thought this is fine, but since joining not long ago, it’s actually got me worrying. I cant think about moving up yet job wise either, just took a promotion at work

Yes, by a country mile.

I used be a financial advisor 6 months living cost is what was advised to keep in cash savings

If six months is good, thank goodness I could go for 4 yrs.

We're financially in roughly the same position. Our income is slightly lower than yours, but our mortgage is 500 pounds cheaper than yours.

We've just had our 3rd child.

I think you'll be fine, but I agree with a previous poster: Don't base your decision on future earning potential, that's not a given.

You have to be willing to accept that you will have less money with 3 kids than with 2 and you have to be fine with it.

My three have cost more in time, emotion and money as they have got older. I almost wish for the days when £100 at nursery per day covered them all day and included all their meals.

Im not sure how old your children are but the costs for us went up and just kept climbing from KS2.

I have an answer for most things asked because I’ve made myself think about them lol. But PP is write it’s more prudent to plan for now, as is now rather than on securing a new role down there line when that’s not a given. But the day to day expenses of 3 kids, surely can be more than the £1k a month were up til this month (our contract has been amended to reflect funding).

i definitely don’t want to be the type of parents mine were BUT they were well off too, proportionately more so than we are. We went on 3 holidays a year, private school (played half arsedly piano, cello and saxe, did dance, horse riding, swimming, tennis).That’s why I say 2 hobbies max because when I got to my teen years, i was burnt out. So all in moderation. I had a lot, as did my sibling and truthfully I think it ruined my sibling, they are very entitled and can’t hold a job down, thinks everything should be handed to them etc. I had to learn that life isn’t like that, it was a hard lesson. But that’s the reasoning behind some of my parenting choices.

If you save 4 years worth of cash in an instant access savings account, you’re missing a trick, that money could be working a lot harder for you. YES we’re in a high interest rate environment now, but still higher than target inflation, so the rates aren’t as appealing as they look initially.

rates for everything will be coming down and soon. I’d look at an investment. Managed fund, tax wrapper, diversified asset class and location.

@Thisisembarassing it wasn't a criticism that you have an answer for everything, I think it shows which way you're naturally swaying too, it's why we post on forums, to challenge our thought process.

It ultimately comes down to what kind of lifestyle you want, and how hands on you want to be, there is no right or wrong answer. You have enough income for this to be a choice, which is why you're struggling most likely, but it's weighing up what it is you want for you, your DH and your kids, ultimately a 3rd will be a sacrifice because what you'll spend on a 3rd could be spent on something else, but it's also an addition, so which is worth more to you. There's a reason MN is awash with "shall we have a 3rd" threads!

Four yrs is nicely tucked away pulling 5% atm.

@Mycatmyworld

🤣🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

I know babe, this is the thing isn’t it. Heart v head.

I mean you have a very good income and nice lifestyle. You can definitely afford it. The question is, do you want to? Do you want to cut down on all those lovely leisure activities?

How can you feel poor? A little bit nuts and tone deaf considering some of the posts on MN.

I think you can more than afford a third, especially if you do keep climbing the ladder.
Ultimately it’s down to - do you want a third? You can clearly provide for them, you have space for them (a bedroom/car) and you seem financially savvy. If you want a third, go for it. I’d not change having three for the world 😊

(Grew up an only child and knew I wanted at least 3. Income circa 95k for both so not massive but comfortable, we all have different priorities in life and wouldn’t life be boring if we were all the same?!)

Only you can figure it out. We have decided against a third due to financial and practical reasons. If I wanted to I could afford it but i don’t want to take the time and financial opportunities away from the two children I have.

I also feel poor on mumsnet!! I earn 40k and feel like it’s peanuts compared to where I should be, I totally understand what OP means by feeling poor in comparison.
I’m clearly not in poverty, but it’s crazy how my reality is so far apart from a hell of a lot of posters on here!

Out of curiosity, what are these costs? I have two and don’t find it an issue, currently surviving on one income. They’re both pre school age though. The second one is using all the first ones hand me downs (from clothes to cot, car seat , everything!) we got lots of generous gifts from grandparents - very lucky! Which means more than enough toys. We’ve had to reduce holidays because obviously they cost! So we used to travel a lot and now we don’t really. But what else do you start paying for after ks2? They’re in school most of the year.

On mumsnet, not in real life. I’ve seen posters say income similar to mine is very low. Posters on 500k a year saying they can’t afford what they want etc . Point was that in this forum, it can make pretty well off people seem not so well off

@Lelophants take it with a pinch of salt when people say they cost more, yes teens can be expensive but it is largely discretionary, people spend what they can and want to, childcare is never discretionary. The kinds of things my pre/teens cost me are more expensive holidays, branded clothes, school trips, the clubs they do, it still doesn't touch the sides of the £1000 per child per month cost of childcare, and if it did, I could choose to reduce it, unlike childcare. That's why we keep saying it depends on the lifestyle the OP wants, there is no doubt the OP's income is enough to clothe and feed a 3rd child (and a lot more!)

Depending on how old you are partly but you need to consider your pensions too. University isn't cheap so saving more per child is pretty essential too.

Also remember children can get sick, a third child could have disabilities, 3rd could be twins or triplets that happened the next town along! You could get sick ... you get my drift things happen don't assume everything will stay the same.

I was heavily pregnant with number 2 when dc1 was diagnosed with autism aged 2 - things happen as I said

My 2 children are toddlers and the third one is a baby, so not at the teenager state yet, but I assume: refusal to wear hand me downs from older siblings, expensive hobbies, larger food bill, pocket money, money for trips ect.

Uni will be a discussion of wants and needs as and when because i don’t think one should be shoehorned into uni and doing a degree for the sake of it and if one of my kids know they want a professional job that needs some degree/ any degree but not a specific one, then home is the way forward.

pension is covered with our jobs, our industry is strong with benefits so we have generous employer contributions of around 10% (mine slightly less and DH’s a bit more) so that keeps ticking.

I think a lot of it is your attitude to saving. Our take home is 9.5k/month with bonus that’s around 30-40% but we’d find 3 a stretch with what we want to save and put into pensions. Others on our income or yours, would think 3 kids is completely fine.

And this is why I said I feel poor on Mn

It sounds like you've thought a lot through, OP, and head versus heart is sooo hard when you feel the pull.

You'll manage your money in whatever way necessary. Holidays etc tend to scale back anyway once children are at primary and second school.

You'll make the finances work, I'm sure.

The only other thing I would say to consider is the uncertainty of your third child. It sounds like your current two are healthy and the circumstances enable both you and your DH to have fulfilling careers.

That is not always the case. We were told there was a very small chance of a condition I had worsening with a third which could impact the child's health, it was a tiny chance but we decided to focus on the good fortune we'd already head.

it's worth considering how you would cope if a further child had additional needs.