Neighbours keep asking for favours!

[Popcornlassie28]

My husband and I live in a village around 15 minutes from the local shops etc. We currently have two children and I’m pregnant with our third. We both work (I work shifts) and I’m also studying at uni so I’m always constantly busy being a mother, at work or as a student.

My neighbours are middle aged with no children. One drives and the other doesn’t. Recently due to medical reasons the one who drives has had to stop driving until a health clear.

Since then, I will be home with the children before/after school, getting ready for work or coming off a night shift that morning and SO ready to sleep and my neighbour will come knocking asking to be taken to work often because she’s ’missed the bus’, ‘bus doesn’t run at this time’ etc. They do not take no for an answer and she will return two, three times plus until I answer as she knows I’m home as my car is in the driveway. She is very forceful.

I haven’t minded up until this point helping where we can but it’s getting a bit much. There is never any offer for fuel money either and it’s a 30 minute round trip to drop her to where she needs to go.

In the warmer weather, they will put their heads over the fence while I’m relaxing in my garden to ask for things and ask my children ‘Go and grab Mummy/Daddy’ so they can ask for more lifts/favours. My garden should be a safe haven where my children can play and we should relax without being bothered? Or am I wrong here? I would knock the front door and if they don’t answer I wouldn’t dream of being that pushy.

I have been polite to keep the peace but they are now asking my husband to give lifts at 8am into work on Sunday morning as ‘bus isn’t running’ and even though I’m pregnant ‘Can you pick up the 2 litre bottles of water from the shop for me? They are heavy for me to carry on the bus’. My husband is saying it’s going too far and to start pushing back and being forceful with her.

How can I be forceful but polite? Am I being unreasonable? I am terrified when the baby comes she will be banging the door down to be taken out when I’ve just got them settled and I don’t want to fall out but I know I will lose my temper at this point.

This is on YOU. Where is your voice, your mouth and you own ability to be an adult? I'm not being harsh, I'm being realistic. No one can be 'forceful' if you set your boundaries.

Answer the door, and say 'I have two babies and I'm heavily pregnant. Why do you think it's ok to ask this of me?' I guarantee you that will shock them enough to never ask again.

Just keep saying no. Don't have to be rude, can just say it's not convenient atm etc. Don't give reasons, it's none of their business. Absolutely stick to it, they'll soon get the hint and give up. You must stick to it though. If they're put out who cares, they certainly don't care about you and absolutely know they're taking the piss. This makes me so angry because I would have been like you a few years ago, too embarrassed to say no or doing it because they will go on and on until you do it. It's because you're kind and like to help. They sound horrible people. Say to yourself that from today that's it. Rude fuckers

I’d say ‘my husband and I don’t run a taxi service. Here is the number for the local taxi company’ hand her the number and shut the door.

if she knocks again say, ‘look I’ve given you a number please use it, and if you continue knocking I’ve no option but to report you to the police. Now please kindly go away I’m busy’ and shut the door

For God's sake can't anyone say no any more? Id be saying LOOK neighbour. I work. I'm pregnant and I've got my hands full with the kids. I have enough to do and you ll have to ask someone else. I haven't got time to manage your life as well as my own. I'm afraid you will have to stand on your own two feet.

I'm an NHS diabetes specialist podiatrist and one of my patients lived in the house opposite. She would forever be sending her kids over to say mum isn't well had cut herself, is having a hypo etc. I went round there are said in no uncertain terms that I am not a 24 hour podiatry call out service and I'm entitled to my time off. Any problems outside of normal service are dealt with by 111 or A&e and I made this very clear to her

Yes I'd be massively direct here "please leave me alone" and put up a tall fence.

Stop worrying about being nice, kind or polite as your neighbour has a brass neck as long as a chimney!

When my 2 DC were little I wouldn’t have had the time to run people around! I didn’t have time to even sit in the garden! It was constant cooking meals, tidying up, household chores and entertaining & enjoying time with DC.

OP, with a job, being pregnant and having 2 DC already how on earth do you have half an hour to drive randoms around? Do you mobile your kids in the car and take them too? How strange.

Tell them no. You are tired, busy, cooking, not safe to drive as finished a shift, no money for petrol. All of those and more.

*pile your kids in the car …

Why are you worried about inconveniencing her, by not running errands at the drop of a hat … when she has no regard for you?

why even THINK you should do anything for her?

ehy be such a doormat? Why why why

People who ask for a reason when you have said no are just looking to start negotiating

which is why all the 'oh I'm really busy' / 'about to give the kids tea' just doesn't work.

dont try to explain

But first she has to tell her not to come round!!!!!!!

YABVU OP. You should be at her beck and call whenever she needs it. You should drop everything to cater for all her needs and whims. Drive her to Scotland if she wants, cook all her meals- she shouldnt have to lift a finger. Heck, if she needs a kidney at some point you shouldnt hesitate to give her one of yours- after all thats what "nice" people do isnt it?

At the niceness awards you will be sure to win- they will give you a trophy and maybe a bunch of flowers which will make it all worthwhile.

Just say no. They are incredibly cheeky. Sorry it's not convenient and you don't have time.,

Just tell them your car is broken. Every time. Even if they've seen you just come back in it. It was fixed before but it's broken again now. Every time.

Any other reason - you're busy/tired/don't want to - they'll have a work around, and it sounds like you're too tired to withstand the manipulation! Take the car out of the equation - no car available, no lift.

"I said no, please don't ask again." Repeat a few times.

Then get an injunction.

Or put good old pregnancy hormones to use and...

"I said NO you mad bat now fuck off and don't ask me again!"

Or a middle finger from your living room when she's poking her face over the fence could work either.

The absolute brass neck of some people! You’re clearly very polite and have been very patient. Don’t even say sorry at the start of any sentence or end as you have nothing to be sorry for. A simple “no, I can’t” and leave it at that. They’re grown adults and can get deliveries or get themselves to work without calling on the help of a neighbour!

🤣

💯 this is harassment and slore gives good advice.

Make sure you keep a record of every single incident too, as another pp suggested.

Don't bother with excuses anymore, just a clear no and to stop with her behaviour. Then involve the police from the first time she goes against what you've said

Why - OP perhaps needs the door bell for the postie, visitors, tradesman? Let's not revert to the Mumsnet trope of hiding and never ever answering the doorbell. Just say no m, no explanation required

You need to be really direct with people like your neighbour. I agree with pp who said don’t explain, apologise or discuss it - just ‘no, I can’t’ or slightly more polite’ no, it isn’t convenient’ and immediately close the door (even if she’s still talking). If she’s over the fence and continues to ask ‘like I’ve already said it’s no’ then ‘what part of no don’t you understand?’ followed by ‘I consider this to be harassment’. She’ll probably give up once you’ve said no a few times.

@Popcornlassie28 is the medical condition that stops her driving called being a cheeky fucker?

I think you should take the initiative here. Both you and your husband knock on their door and ask to speak to both of them together. Say that you will not be offering any more lifts and that if they persist in hammering on your door when you've said no the you will report her to the police for harassment. I'd do it with her husband there so that he is also clear what she's been doing and to make him feel a sense of joint responsibility. Say your piece, then leave. If they're spluttering and asking questions, say "we don't want to be rude or have any bad feeling but you have to stop. That's all there is to say." Then leave. And never answer the door to her again.

Oh don’t be so mean to her. She’s your neighbour! I think you should do the errands, £2 per mile, cash in advance, and you’ve got a free slot two weeks on Thursday at 1pm, right?!

#bekind 🤣

I think YABU but because you have been too nice for too long! I'd start by putting a sign on the door that says please don't knock/ring the doorbell at the times when you are resting/about to be and do not answer the door at all. You could also get a Ring door bell so you can see if it's them and not answer or tell them through the doorbell you're busy. I'd tell the kids to say mummy says sorry she's busy if the neighbours try to get them to get you to do things. And if they do manage to actually grab you in person I'd just say I'm so sorry, we've got a lot on at the moment and can't help. If they argue just keep repeating and say sorry I have to go now and go.