Neighbours keep asking for favours!

[Popcornlassie28]

My husband and I live in a village around 15 minutes from the local shops etc. We currently have two children and I’m pregnant with our third. We both work (I work shifts) and I’m also studying at uni so I’m always constantly busy being a mother, at work or as a student.

My neighbours are middle aged with no children. One drives and the other doesn’t. Recently due to medical reasons the one who drives has had to stop driving until a health clear.

Since then, I will be home with the children before/after school, getting ready for work or coming off a night shift that morning and SO ready to sleep and my neighbour will come knocking asking to be taken to work often because she’s ’missed the bus’, ‘bus doesn’t run at this time’ etc. They do not take no for an answer and she will return two, three times plus until I answer as she knows I’m home as my car is in the driveway. She is very forceful.

I haven’t minded up until this point helping where we can but it’s getting a bit much. There is never any offer for fuel money either and it’s a 30 minute round trip to drop her to where she needs to go.

In the warmer weather, they will put their heads over the fence while I’m relaxing in my garden to ask for things and ask my children ‘Go and grab Mummy/Daddy’ so they can ask for more lifts/favours. My garden should be a safe haven where my children can play and we should relax without being bothered? Or am I wrong here? I would knock the front door and if they don’t answer I wouldn’t dream of being that pushy.

I have been polite to keep the peace but they are now asking my husband to give lifts at 8am into work on Sunday morning as ‘bus isn’t running’ and even though I’m pregnant ‘Can you pick up the 2 litre bottles of water from the shop for me? They are heavy for me to carry on the bus’. My husband is saying it’s going too far and to start pushing back and being forceful with her.

How can I be forceful but polite? Am I being unreasonable? I am terrified when the baby comes she will be banging the door down to be taken out when I’ve just got them settled and I don’t want to fall out but I know I will lose my temper at this point.

You need to steel yourself and maybe say when you drop them off at the shops/work/back-of-beyond "right, that's 6.50 please, plus a tip - exactly what a minicab would cost you."
Takes nerve, mind.
What entitled bastards!

Please let us know how things go, OP.

Odd username for such a forceful post.

shoulda nipped it in the bud OP, now it's too far gone and you have to try & stuff worms back into a can

@Lwrenn 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👍🏻

I wouldn't do the baseball bat but I absolutely would demand "is that you ringing over and over, how dare you, don't ever disturb me like that again" I would be furious. I've a friend who used to keep phoning on repeat and I told her off. It's so disrespectful and demanding.

Mine would also be a metaphorical/ verbal baseball bat, point being that my instinct would be to shut this down as soon as it started!
Once it gets out of hand it's harder to shut down, the person trying to dominate you has become significantly emboldened and you are stressed and on the back foot.

Love the idea of a ring doorbell - you wouldn't need to go to the door to refuse any requests, and it can capture any bad behaviour (should you need the evidence at some point).

@Popcornlassie28 - any requests this weekend?

I'd be considering a restraining order 🤔

I'm afraid you're just going to have to put your big girl pants on and be tough 🤷‍♀️

No other way unfortunately.

I voted yabu. Because you Are being unreasonable in giving in to their demands. You would not be unreasonable to say no. Give them the number for a taxi, let them know about online shopping.

Give her the phone numbers for some local taxi companies!

Their behaviour is completely unacceptable. Do not worry about being polite, you don’t want them in your life.

Don’t forget the body language : crossed arms and deep frown
and ‘what now’ with a groan and a surprised ‘No’ as in ‘what do you take me for’?

Some posters on here mean well with their suggestions but please do not offer excuses or explanations. Simply ‘ No we are giving you lifts any more. We are not doing it.’ Whatever they say just repeat yourself or vary the words with the same meaning.

• Nope, it doesn’t work for us
• - as I said, we are not doing it anymore

an alternative suggestion ( but not everyone could do this 😊) - next time they approach shout at them ‘DON’T you FUCKING DARE ask for a a favour, a lift or anything else! We are UP to HERE with you two!!’

That’s appalling. I know it’s hard but u have to have a chat -the 4 of u, and just explain that whilst you are v fond of them and they are good neighbours etc. you can give no more lifts. They sound like they haven’t given any thought as to how stretched you are (in every sense of the word). And by the sound of them you will have to be blunt.
Pity they didn’t think that you might need a helping hand!

Yes yes. And then live in perpetuity with horrible stressful relations with your neighbours.

There are smarter ways to be

I agree. That approach wouldn’t work for everybody.

Actually reverse psychology here… you could say. Oh I need to pop out for a couple of hours and DH is out and I’ve got no childcare arranged! You wouldn’t mind watching Hector and Lola would you? Mind you knowing her she’d probably cook and eat them.

Write out an itemised bill for every occasion you can think of when youve given a lift - time, petrol, wear and tear on car. Payment to be made within 7 days. Compound Interest will be charged at 10% for every day after the 7th day. And a note to say charges are going up from today by 50%. Put it through their letter box.

Can you park your car around the corner so they don't know you're in?

I don't think OP is very fond of them.

Nah. Don't understand how they keep coming back to ask for more favours. Stop pretending to be "lovely people". Set boundaries. Be rude if they cross those boundaries. But you must of done a lot of gushing twaddle in how much you're willing to help them. Time to admit a steep learning curve. That you made empty promises. That you can't cope with their demands. And make it clear what you can or can't cope with. "Sorry, it's really impacting on us when you want us to step in for the bus service. We can do it a couple of times a year but not every month." "Sorry it's really impacting us when you approach us over the back garden fence - can you come round to the front door, only on these days/times, because we want to feel we have private space in our backgarden". "Sorry, we've been helpful to previous neighbours, but you want more than we can cope with."

You have to be forceful and say no. Every time.

It may be nice to be on good terms with neighbours, but it is not essential.