Neighbours keep asking for favours!

[Popcornlassie28]

My husband and I live in a village around 15 minutes from the local shops etc. We currently have two children and I’m pregnant with our third. We both work (I work shifts) and I’m also studying at uni so I’m always constantly busy being a mother, at work or as a student.

My neighbours are middle aged with no children. One drives and the other doesn’t. Recently due to medical reasons the one who drives has had to stop driving until a health clear.

Since then, I will be home with the children before/after school, getting ready for work or coming off a night shift that morning and SO ready to sleep and my neighbour will come knocking asking to be taken to work often because she’s ’missed the bus’, ‘bus doesn’t run at this time’ etc. They do not take no for an answer and she will return two, three times plus until I answer as she knows I’m home as my car is in the driveway. She is very forceful.

I haven’t minded up until this point helping where we can but it’s getting a bit much. There is never any offer for fuel money either and it’s a 30 minute round trip to drop her to where she needs to go.

In the warmer weather, they will put their heads over the fence while I’m relaxing in my garden to ask for things and ask my children ‘Go and grab Mummy/Daddy’ so they can ask for more lifts/favours. My garden should be a safe haven where my children can play and we should relax without being bothered? Or am I wrong here? I would knock the front door and if they don’t answer I wouldn’t dream of being that pushy.

I have been polite to keep the peace but they are now asking my husband to give lifts at 8am into work on Sunday morning as ‘bus isn’t running’ and even though I’m pregnant ‘Can you pick up the 2 litre bottles of water from the shop for me? They are heavy for me to carry on the bus’. My husband is saying it’s going too far and to start pushing back and being forceful with her.

How can I be forceful but polite? Am I being unreasonable? I am terrified when the baby comes she will be banging the door down to be taken out when I’ve just got them settled and I don’t want to fall out but I know I will lose my temper at this point.

Jesus what absolute piss takers ! It’s true the old saying .. give someone an inch and they’ll take a mile ..
Id be raising the height of that garden fence for starters if possible .. there’s a hint for a start ..
Tbh she sounds like a nasty piece of work demanding favours with menaces .. I’d be sending DH round to say you have some pregnancy complications and can no longer do favours /ferry her around with a firm please stop harassing us

OMG this is one reason why I don't become remotely friendly with new neighbours. Just say hello and move on. This couple are taking the piss out of you @Popcornlassie28 You are literally going to have to say 'no I'm not doing that. I have too much going on to keep giving people lifts and doing favours.'

We had new neighbours move over the road last summer, (a couple - aged 30-ish, no kids, Louise and Ryan...) TWICE they said - once him, once her , a fortnight apart - 'you can mow our lawn if you like!' when DH was mowing our 2 lawns. DH just said 'er ha ha' and carried on, coz it's banter right! People say that! Ditto when I was planting bedding plants and seeds, she said 'your flowers look nice... fancy having a go at our garden beds?' I just just smiled and said 'erm her ha ha...' #awkward

Then Ryan's parents (who lives some 100 miles away) came to visit them one day, and his dad came over to me when I was pulling up a weed or two, and said 'feel free to help Louise and Ryan with their garden. They don't 'do' gardening. They need the help. They are very busy people.' I thought 'well wtf did they get a house with a garden for then?'

I instantly popped into the house and grabbed a leaflet that had been put through our letterbox from 'Dave the Gardener' advertising his services, and said 'pass this on to them. Quite honestly there is zero chance of us helping. We have a huge garden of our own (corner plot,) and we struggle with our own garden. We used Dave here when we were both unable to mow the lawns for a few months. He's fab.' He just said 'oh' and walked off. Didn't thank me for the leaflet, and actually seemed annoyed I had said no.

Also, Louise saw me coming back from a walk a couple of times - and said 'been anywhere nice?' I said 'yeah a walk in the woods...' She said 'next time you go, let me know, you can take Charlie with you, (their dog,) he loves a walk in the woods.'

So this random new neighbour who I am pretty sure didn't even know my surname, my DC names, or anything about me, and who met me 2-3 months before, thought it appropriate to tell me I can be her free dog walker, as well as her gardener. I said 'oooh no thanks, I don't want to be responsible for someone else's dog.' 'Oooh that's fine' she said 'don't worry, Charlie will be OK. Just knock next time you're going.' Didn't even register the fact I had said NO.

It gets better. Around October/November, Louise said she and Ryan are trying for a baby. She and her parents (who live around 80 miles away,) were on the driveway when I was cleaning the car, and she said 'it's OK that you live 2 hours drive away, we have Sabre over the road there to do babysitting!' (I work from home and am often in, and apparently this means I can babysit some random fucker's kids.')

I said 'ha ha, I don't think so. Done my childrearing, and done it for 25 years. I'm in no hurry to look after anyone else's kids.' She said 'awww when our baby is here you'll think differently. Old people love babies.' 'Old' people?! We are not even 55 yet! I actually just walked off. Absolute fucking nerve. She will get a short shrift if she tries to dump her baby on me (when she has it.) I have no interest... not a single jot... in looking after someone else's baby. Only my own grandchildren when - or if - I actually have them!

We have put a gate at the bottom of the back garden now, to avoid going out the front, so we don't bump into them. (They live opposite.) Summer's on it's way, and I KNOW the 'fancy doing our garden/ weeding/ planting/ sowing/ mowing the lawn, and walking our dog' comments will start.

That was a bit long sorry! The cheeky neighbours the OP has reminded me of the CF couple across the road! BE STRONG OP. Say no, no, and no again, and then say NO some more. Be prepared for them to resist, but stand firm.

Why do you care about remaining polite when she doesn’t . ‘No!’ When she begs and wheelers and complains about your kids ‘this is irrelevant I said NO. Now kindly please go away and don’t ask again as my answer will not change. I have no more time to stand here and debate this!’ Slam door shut in her face!

Talk about taking advantage! I would just be honest and say 'sorry, I can't, I only have a short time before work and I need to rest because I'm always rushing around and I'm pregnant.' Or something to that tune. Just don't do it. If it carries on, stop answering the door. They will have to get a taxi.

Your neighbour’s sound like right CFs @SabreIsMyFave 😮

@SabreIsMyFave - yeah the “old people” comment would have been the final straw for me 😳…. Rude tossers .. next time they try to speak to you .. pretend not to hear them and if confronted another time apologise and say now you are “old “ you are also deaf

@SabreIsMyFave my jaw is on the floor- WTAF? how do people have the nerve to spout this rude bullshit

I'm very curious to know what would happen if your neighbours moved next door to OP's neighbours! Imagine that- it would be absolutely hilarious 😂

@SauvignonBlanche · Today 16:05

Your neighbours sound like right CFs @SabreIsMyFave 😮

They are, they're shameless! As I said, they don't seem to be able to take no for an answer either. I have been firm and said no, but I think it will escalate to me being abrupt and rude if they carry on with their cheekyfuckery!

@Rockschooldropout

@SabreIsMyFave- yeah the “old people” comment would have been the final straw for me 😳…. Rude tossers .. next time they try to speak to you .. pretend not to hear them and if confronted another time apologise and say now you are “old “ you are also deaf!

LOL, good idea. I might do that.* * Saying 'old people love babies' is a huge and rude generalisation anyway, but we're not even old. Middle aged? Yeah! Old? no! Anyway, you're as old as you feel!

I know right! As I said, the parents seem just as bad. 'They are busy people, they don't DO gardening - So you can help them!' As I said earlier, don't buy a house with a garden then! Nitwits!

And LOL yeah I would love them to move next to the OP's neighbours. 2 sets of CFs together!

Don't say sorry, don't apologise and don't discuss.

'No. Cannot give you a lift, got too much on. If you have missed the bus again I am sure you could order a taxi.' (Tone is important - shut the door without a discussion)

If she keeps banging on the door like a demented toddler - treat her like one.
'What is wrong with you? Get a taxi or wait for the next bus. Sort yourself out fgs- I am not your mother!' (again - shut the door to avoid discussion)

if it keeps going 'and what part of no, you are not getting a lift from me, are you struggling to understand.'

I agree with this. Tell him to be as forceful as need be - they need to be told that they are completely out of order.

The next time they came to my door I would list the reasons you are no longer available to help them. Maybe they would get it then. If they continue, do what others are saying, just say no, say bye and close the door. As far as the garden goes, I would tell them you enjoy privacy when you and kids are in the yard and would appreciate them respecting your wishes. Good Luck

Open the door, don’t wait for them to say anything, and just scream, fuck off, fuck off, fuck off, as loud as you can over and over again. Close door. Job done. Most likely forever. 🤣

Don't apologise for yourself to people with this level of audacity. You'll have to do a hard no, possibly more than once. Don't make an 'excuse' as they'll tear it down. Say 'We can no longer provide transport for you. Here is the number of the local taxi company.'
I'm not great with garden details but I noticed a man on my street bought some bamboo cane fencing stuff and is growing things up it; perhaps raising your boundary fence is wise here too, especially coming into warmer months.

Agree with @telestrations - I think your DH should do it in person. I'd worry that if a letter were sent, the CFs would see it as a sign of weakness and still try and worm their way back in. No need to be nasty, just a simple: "We can't offer lifts anymore for personal reasons."

@SabreIsMyFave amazing. We had some new neighbours move in and they immediately said to my friend their NDN about babysitting, she put a stop to that straight away. She’s the person who has made comments about me taking her kids for whole weekends so her and DH can go on a city break.

Sorry I can’t remember OP, do neighbour ever ask when your DH is there or ask him? I’d be getting him to have a word as well.

Don't even respond to the request, just demand she stop what she is doing.

Hi, could you give me a lift / go to the shops?
Why did you continue to ring the doorbell when I didn't answer? This has to stop.

Why are you looking over the fence this is disturbing our private family time?

Come on kids into the house, keep going.

And so on. She is outrageous. Zero tolerance.

Channel your inner Phoebe (from Friends) 'Oh I wish I could... but I don't want to' 😁

-No
-That isn't convienient
And then briskly change the subject
- hasn't this rain been awful. Must get back to work...
Or set a timer to ring seconds after you answer the door - and hurry away to deal with it.

softer (risky with CFs) :
-not today
-not this time

Next time you give them a lift, explain the seatbelt isn't working on the passenger side and swerve the car hard into a lamppost. It might cost you a bit in car repairs, but will be worth it.

@LiesDoNotBecomeUs YEP. That Phoebe gif is funny!

I think you need to be prepared that this could turn very nasty. And it is of no fault of yours. She sounds unhinged and ready for battle.

This ⬆️

She’s forceful in the way she will ring the ring doorbell, then bangs my other doorbell and then bangs the actual door
If anyone did that to me I'd answer the door with a baseball bat in my hand, that's where you're going wrong OP

I actually clicked YABU because I can't believe anyone is wet enough not to have said 'Tough Shit, Mavis. That's not my problem - call a taxi' when you say she returned several times.