To get DD a drum kit?!

[LittleDrummerGirrl]

Not really an AIBU as we've already got it but after thoughts on considerate usage really!

DD is 10 and has been learning drums for 18m and has been keen for her own kit for yonks, but I have always said no: We live in a terrace, don't have the space, need to prove you're committed (time wise) etc.

Well almost on impulse I have bought her one for her birthday 🤷🏼‍♀️😂 reasons being she never commits to anything and we've been impressed at both that and her ongoing progress, plus have moved house (still in a terrace but now has her own room)... It just seemed right.

However, we are Still in a terrace and have only just moved in so I really don't want to piss the neighbours off too much! 😂

Suggestions from those who have experience both sides appreciated! She hasn't been given it yet but gets it later today (tomorrow at the latest)...

Name changed as quite outing if you know us (or are our new neighbours!!) 😁

It's not just the house attached to you. Drum sound travels! When I walk past a second at school where someone is having a drum lesson, I can hear it from quite a distance before I reach the school. Agree with everyone else, get electronic ones with head phones

I HAVE ALREADY BOUGHT ACCOUSTIC, ELECTRIC NOT AN OPTION.

DD WILL PLAY FOR 10-15MINS AT A REASONABLE TIME, PREFERABLY AGREED WITH NEIGHBOURS.

WE WILL GET SILENCER PADS THAT REDUCE NOISE BY 90%.

I'M NOT ASKING AIBU BUT POSTED FOR TRAFFIC.

Hardly anybody seems to read properly these days so don't know why I'm bothering posting anymore but maybe caps will help 🤷🏼‍♀️

More thanks to suggestions 🙏🏼 I'll look up those brush type sticks, to whoever recommended them!

🥁🥁

I HAVE ALREADY BOUGHT ACCOUSTIC, ELECTRIC NOT AN OPTION.

Why not?

The simple solution is sell the acoustic and buy an electric one.

Repulsively selfish 😆😆

They are so so loud. Your home is your castle etc, but they just really are just
too loud, even for your daughter tbh who will need ear plugs so make sure you get her some. I have a decent electric kit with mesh heads and it’s great. I hire a drum kit at the local music studio when I want to play acoustic.

Drum friend of mine lives on a small holding in the middle of nowhere. She went to a
neighbourhood drinks and was introduced to the farmer her land adjoins at the back. He said “oh! You’re the family with the drum kit!”. This guy is probably three miles away. They are that loud.

Even with silencer pads acoustic kits are loud.

Sell the kit, get an electic set.

My friend that had a drum kit had her room soundproofed so you could do that for a conversion. My ex plays drums in a band and they are exceptionally loud!

😆 I know it may seem OTT, but I've had the worst neighbours and honestly, now whenever I hear of anyone wanting to disrupt their neighbours life in any way it leaves me cold. Appreciate repulsive may be a bit much 😂

Why inflict that bloody racquet on your neighbours as well as rest of street?
What were you thinking.
Can she not learn at a music school?

I am very, very sensitive to neighbour noise but actually I think I'd be OK with 15 minutes drumming a day at a predictable time, from neighbours who were generally considerate and would, for example, hold off drumming if I told them I was unwell.

I think it is super important that you stop on the dead of 15 minutes Every. Single. Time. A lot of the stress of neighbour noise comes from unpredictability.

I'M NOT ASKING AIBU BUT POSTED FOR TRAFFIC.

Well the flip side of posting for traffic on the only MN board which invites posters to judge whether one is being unreasonable, is that some people will accept the invitation to judge. You don't get to choose what the traffic you wanted on your thread post when they get there.

Oh dear 😳 My son is 10 and has drumming lessons at school.

We are completely detached and rural so no one to disturb - he has an electronic kit that has headphones!! We do also have an amp for it which he does use a lot but I wouldn't allow it if we were attached!

Can you sell on the one you have bought and buy an electronic one instead?

With regards to other instruments- I played cornet as a kid/teen - we were semi detached and I practised in my room which was on the non attached side. Don't think it was as loud as a drum kit though!

Yes, I live at the end of a (long ish) street with my boys' secondary school at the end of it. We can hear drum and brass lessons (and CCF parades - but they are outdoors) from inside the music block, on the other side of the school. Even on our electric set being played by DS at the top of the house, I can hear the dull taps...it's not a quiet instrument in any form.

The OP is determined to be unreasonable though, so hopefully her neighbours are tolerant....!

Electric is an option though, you just don’t want to 🤷🏻‍♀️ sell the one you’ve bought, buy an electric set. Easy!

I absolutely detest noisy neighbours and can’t abide selfishness and loud music playing etc.

That being said, if you can only learn drums in a detached house, how can music be opened up to a wider demographic than the very wealthy? That seems wrong too.

If my neighbour said to me that their child would be playing the drums for 30 mins a day and we agreed a mutually acceptable time, I would be totally fine with it. Part of the nightmare with neighbour noise is dealing with selfish psychos who don’t give a hoot. Working with a considerate neighbour like OP wouldn’t be a problem.

Hope your DD likes them!

That being said, if you can only learn drums in a detached house, how can music be opened up to a wider demographic than the very wealthy? That seems wrong too.

No one is saying you can only learn drums if you live in a detached house in the middle of nowhere. Posters are pointing out there are lots of things you can do to help drastically reduce the noise for neighbours, and those who live close by. The easiest one being buying an electric kit, rather than an acoustic one.

'Shock horror I can't believe the neighbours would be annoyed by drums' seriously this is a surprise to you? Really?

Bloody hell. We live in a detached house and the neighbours with drums are approximately 100 metres away.
We can still hear it clear as anything. They are SO loud.
In a terrace

I play drums and so does my neighbour - in fact he also has full on band practice - and I love it! I go out into the garden to listen. And they often play from maybe 9-11pm.

I guess it's different for different people.

We are detached and I still only allowed electric for DS.

Is he your only neighbour though and you’re surrounded by fields? Then crack on. I’m in bands too but I’m also a considerate neighbour. I’m in a semi detached and my music room is soundproofed on the non-attached side, for example.

Not to be pessimistic or the bearer of bad news, but silencers won’t stop ‘90% of the noise’. My source? I took up drums at 13 and played for years until problems with my legs stopped me. My acoustic kit was in the conservatory (!!! Soundproofing nonexistent! Not sure what my family were thinking!!) and I remember being at a wedding with my parents where the neighbours from 4 doors down the road from us complained that my drumming woke their baby. It’s easy to underestimate how sound travels.

You’re better off selling the acoustic kit you have and getting an electronic kit. I know from the sounds of your replies you don’t want to, but the benefits outweigh the negatives imo. Means your daughter doesn’t have to hold back on how much she practices which is a great thing if she’s enjoying it, and the tapping of an electronic kit is a lot easier for everyone to tolerate than a booming acoustic set and the switch from a proper kit to electronic isn’t difficult once you get the hang on it.

Good on you for nurturing your daughter’s love of music, drums are an ace instrument to play and I’m so happy my parents let me have a full drum set. But looking back we must have been the scourge of that street and I’d have probably practiced a lot more (maybe even still be playing now my health is better) if I had a quieter solution and didn’t have to just practice immediately after I got home from school and then stop after half an hour. I was lucky my neighbours put up with it, blasting Iron Maiden and practicing double bass technique at 4pm on the dot every day.

And yes, my kit had silencers on. Still heard by everyone in the postcode 🥲🥲 I’d really encourage you to reconsider, she will get far more use from an electronic kit. My drumkit was lovely (my folks got me a DW set, they couldn’t afford it but were determined it would get the use as I loved playing) but having such a short window I could practice every day meant it didn’t get as much use as it deserved. If I’d had a small electronic kit in my room from the start I’d have used that far more.

Nope @BingoMarieHeeler I'm the end of a terrace and he's in a house converted into flats. I've never met a neighbour who has said they mind...and he's been playing for about 15 years.

OP: posts on AIBU but is surprised when posters answer whether they think she is BU. 😂
The traffic excuse is bullshit. Chat also gets a lot of traffic. Plus there is a specific board for music - where you may not get as many responses but the ones you do get are more likely to answer your question which is ostensibly what you wanted!

In terms of your actual question, if you are going to check with the neighbours anyway, maybe trial the drums in both her bedroom and the garage and see if one is preferable for them? To be fair it could be that there is a 15 minute period most days when they are out of the house or making a lot of noise themselves that could be fine so yanbu to at least try a few options. I think the problem lies with what happens if you try everything and the neighbours still say its unbearable

most people mow their lawn once a week or fortnight, for a few months in the summer, and do DIY occasionally though, not practice nearly every day!