To get DD a drum kit?!

[LittleDrummerGirrl]

Not really an AIBU as we've already got it but after thoughts on considerate usage really!

DD is 10 and has been learning drums for 18m and has been keen for her own kit for yonks, but I have always said no: We live in a terrace, don't have the space, need to prove you're committed (time wise) etc.

Well almost on impulse I have bought her one for her birthday 🤷🏼‍♀️😂 reasons being she never commits to anything and we've been impressed at both that and her ongoing progress, plus have moved house (still in a terrace but now has her own room)... It just seemed right.

However, we are Still in a terrace and have only just moved in so I really don't want to piss the neighbours off too much! 😂

Suggestions from those who have experience both sides appreciated! She hasn't been given it yet but gets it later today (tomorrow at the latest)...

Name changed as quite outing if you know us (or are our new neighbours!!) 😁

In our previous home, the NDN had a DS in his 20s who played the drums. His kit was set up in the garage and at 6pm every night he went out to practice. The whole neighbourhood was disturbed by it. After they moved out, the owners of the house sold it. The new neighbours had previously lived further along the road before moving away and after they had bought they worried about having to put up with the drumming again as they had never worked out which house it was coming from.
It really was awful for all the neighbours.

Electronic kit to start with, played with either headphones or an amp. Always make decent budget kits. The problem with e-kits is they don’t feel great unless you spend as much (or more) as you would on an acoustic kit. Eventually she’ll want an acoustic kit. If your neighbours are bothered (ours are fine with it) you can get pads and low volume cymbals.

Op said about 15 mins.

She cannot practice a drum kit in a terrace. Unless you can afford to have her to go a rehearsal space and ferry the kit around (the drummer is always the van driver!) then she needs an electronic kit, and headphones. If she really wants to do it when she's older and can carry the kit and transport it then. For now it's a compromise and the new digital drum machines are amazing.

Your neighbours will be p....d off as it will reduce the value of their houses when they come to sell (because they will have to declare (the noise nuisance)

My 8 year old has an electronic kit. It is still quite loud, but not so loud as to carry through to the neighbours (we live in a well insulated new-build terraced house). However, we still keep to early evenings for practise just in case. I wouldn’t risk a proper drum kit in a terraced house.

YipZ this thread is proof that some people are just not good neighbour material as I'm sure ops neighbours will discover fairly shortly
I'll never understand when someone moves into a new area hoping to make a good impression and immediately sets about alienating their neighbours who I'm sure will tell all their neighbours about the inconsiderates next door.

Yes but if you have a child who loves to play their instrument it doesn’t stop at 15 minutes - it’s hours!

I wasn't the PP but I have a 12yo mad keen drummer currently doing his Grade 5. He's got a Roland kit we got on Facebook marketplace - if you keep an eye open decent kits come up fairly often from families where a kid has stopped playing. Ours is a Roland TD-3 which seems to go for around £300 on eBay from professional sellers but we got ours much cheaper when it popped up on Marketplace.

He plays acoustic in lessons and in his band at school; he far prefers acoustic but gets the limitations as we're in a semi! If you do get one and are getting an amp as well as headphones, remember that you'll need a specialist drum amp as the guitar ones don't have a wide enough range. Or something.

Thanks for unwarranted the info 👍

I have kids who play instruments, so I am very aware of what they can be like.

Again, I was just going by what the op said about her child and their timings.

Electric drum kit with headphones or no.

My ds is desperate to take up drumming but I've had to sadly say no as we couldn't inflict it on the neighbours (we're also in a terrace) . When he goes to secondary school they have drum kits so he'll have to wait till then.

So I was your DD 30 years ago! Mine were in the garage so a different situation but my dad sound proofed the walls and added carpet underneath, put a pillow in the bass drum and I used practice pads on the drum heads so I wasn't hitting the actual skin and I had these sticks that had wooden brush ends (can't remember what they were called, sadly I haven't played in years) but we never had complaints. Electronic kits have come on in leaps and bounds now, I think in your situation I would have bought an electronic kit.

OP: This isn't actually an Aibu just after recommendations for considerate usage
MN: (or half of) We're not bothering to read even your opening post let alone any of the follow ups and are just going to make up our own narrative 🙄

Standard AIBU....

At least I got the suggestions I was looking for 🤷🏼‍♀️

We have a drum kit downstairs and live in a semi detached. DD practices for 10-15 mins and only between midday and 7pm. We’ve had no complaints so far.

I used to practice a lot, at the weekend I'd spend several hours playing along to different songs and practicing different beats.

Yes I think if she carries on we will definitely get a decent electric 😊

After a bit of research I'm quietly confident the silencing pads will do the trick! Will report back 😁

These are the sticks I had

You will absolutely piss the neighbours off

Its unbelievably selfish to be buying a drum kit or playing any loud instrument in a small terraced house or average flat

I for one would be banging on your door every day because we WFH, DC study at home etc

You could come to an arrangement so she practices straight after school and stops by 5pm or whatever time your neighbours are ok with ie still at work out of the house, just hit home and not bothered yet

@LittleDrummerGirrl good on you for not denying your child the chance to develop a love of music just because of what a bunch of curtain twitchers on Mumsnet imagine your neighbours might think. it’s so sad that people are saying that they wouldn’t let their children learn an instrument due to their neighbours. I’ll never understand grown adults caring so much about the opinions (often imagined) of others.

We have full band rehearsals in our garage and our neighbour has never complained, but if they did we certainly wouldn’t let it stop us!

The trouble with this is it's not just the immediate neighbours who are likely to be affected. We have a drummer on our street, and even though he's several houses away we can still hear him.

@LittleDrummerGirrl You say if she carries on you will get an electric. Is there any reason why it has to be an option in the future rather than now?

Why not sell the acoustic kit and go with the electric from the start?

Oh OP, I'm really feeling for you here! I'm a (hobbyist) drummer so I'm naturally sympathetic to your plight and I think it's great that you're supporting your daughter! I have both acoustic and electronic as there are pros and cons to both. Tbh, unless you spend quite serious money on an e-kit, it's just not comparable to acoustic in terms of the feel. You've had some great suggestions for how to dampen the noise (those pads are about 90% effective) and I think if you use those pads and pillows in the bass drum etc then your neighbours won't be disturbed. And then, if your daughter continues to stick with it, maybe in a couple of years you could progress to a really decent e-kit that will have a realistic feel to it?

Yes I think if she carries on we will definitely get a decent electric 😊

She's been doing it for 18 months - and she's only 10. How much more 'carrying on' does she need to give it? She clearly loves it - and good for her...but repulsively selfish to even consider a traditional drum kit in a terraced house.