To think that middle aged lesbians seem more sorted and happy than other folk?

[ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs]

Disclaimer, I'm married to a man, and happily so. But I look at the middle aged lesbians I know and they just seem so...calm. sorted. Don't seem to care what anyone else thinks, so free. I don't really want to be a lesbian, just not who I am, but damn, I feel like they seem so much more in tune with who they are and what they want.

The middle-aged lesbians you know, seem to be more sorted and happy.

You don't know every middle-aged lesbian, and you can't be sure what goes on behind the front door of the ones you do know. Just like any other relationship demographic.

How many middle aged lesbian couples do you know?

I'd say you'd have to know at least 30+ couples to come to any meaningful conclusion?

I agree.
I think if you have had to fight to come out against homophobia ( and any middle aged lesbian who came out when younger has had to do this) probably requires strength of character that means you are more likely to be brave enough to live your life as you want to.

I do sometimes find myself "envying' lesbians. Though I think that's more to do with the malformed notion of patriarchy that is our society than anything else.
Relationships with women must be different, but better? It's impossible to say as I'm not sexually attracted to women. I once said I wished I could have an asexual relationship with a woman. So I know what you mean.

I agree, the ones I know seem incredibly comfortable in themselves and very happy as a couple. I want to be a lesbian in my next life.

Yep, fits with what I've seen too

Yabu unless u have a good sample size.

The two women I know do not fit in this box at all. Infact more to the point they are not sorted. One refers to her nephew as her son(he jas a df and dm v much together) but what she openly admits is she misses being in a relationship and having an independent life. The other is my sister and she isn't together.

To be fair they are both kick ass woman punching that ceiling and I cheer them on. But they are not 100 % happy or have it sorted .... but who does

I think this is generally accurate. You do have to develop a certain dont give a monkeys attitude to be confident and openly lesbian. And unfortunately the values of a lot of men of that age are just really skewed. I properly switched teams in my late 30s and it's been the best thing ever (although probably because I was always a lesbian just very slow in the penny dropping). I do however have friends who are in crappy middle aged lesbian marriages. Mostly I would say there are still dramas but the dramas are different

I mean I can't say for sure whether that's true or not but if you want to be comfortable with yourself I feel like that's a choice that you can make.

From my observation of one lesbian couple (them that's sleeping in the bedroom next door) and comparing them to numerous different sex couples I've had/have as friends I conclude there is fuck all difference.

And?

@user1471453601 I do not think it is about lesbian couples though. It is about middle aged lesbian couples who came out at a time when it was hard to do so.
I think generally women who make decisions in their younger adult life to live a life that is not mainstream (whatever that is) are more sorted as they get older. Because they have prioritised making their life happy over what is expected of them.

@BenefitWaffle I have one lesbian friend in her 70s and she faced a lot of prejudice back in the day. As my 84 yo mum said , "women were prevented from being lesbian, or single, by financial force'.
To not want a man was a fuck up for many women. They faced poverty and being shunned.

So the most sorted straight middle aged woman I know has not had a relationship for over 30 years and does not want one. She is naturally introverted and has done amazing things in her life as she is not held back by how she is supposed to act. She lives life as she wants to whatever other people think.

@BobbyBiscuits That mist have been very tough.

From what I've seen - and what makes sense with cultural expectations, being with a man can often have a negative effect on a woman's self esteem and freedom. Not a coincidence it's more often women who request divorce. It's generally easier being with a woman - you are more likely to be getting more emotional and practical support and connection and less likely be getting criticism, unreasonable gendered expectations or abuse. So yes this makes sense, especially if its over 20 or more years

YABU to generalise into such a statement, unless you personally know thousands of people in any group you are describing.

The middle-aged lesbians I know are all enraged by men pretending to be lesbians now mind you.

Yes you’re right, all lesbians, but especially middle aged ones, have found the secret to balanced, agreeable living. We’ve been trying to encourage our heterosexual sisters to listen to us and examine their proclivities to see if they too could be happier (god knows, even a casual scan of the threads on here would indicate a general desperation for a better life) but sadly most of them stagger on in misery.
BTW we do recruit, but we are Picky.

Is there a secret handshake too! If there is I’m in 🤣

The one couple I know well enough to confidently speak about have still fallen into the traditional patriarchal roles. The woman that is the SAHM to their young children has all the same issues with her working partner as the heterosexual SAHMs I know with young children. The model is engrained in our psyche, maybe homosexual couples break away from it than heterosexual couples do, but good or bad people tend to carry the family dynamic they're bought up with into their relationships. It can take a real purposely effort to break away from that.

It is rare for middle aged lesbians to have children as it was far harder practically to do back then. The exception are women who married men and had children first.
It is younger lesbians who tend to have children as they are now legally allowed to access clinics.

The ones I know in my life seem to be. Yes small sample, but they are. Enough for me to joke to DM over the years that I wish I was one!

There's probably an initiation ceremony too, I hope for your sake it's nothing like a university rugby club 😳

I’ll stick to the secret handshake 🤝 thanks🤣