To think that middle aged lesbians seem more sorted and happy than other folk?

[ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs]

Disclaimer, I'm married to a man, and happily so. But I look at the middle aged lesbians I know and they just seem so...calm. sorted. Don't seem to care what anyone else thinks, so free. I don't really want to be a lesbian, just not who I am, but damn, I feel like they seem so much more in tune with who they are and what they want.

YABU @ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs .

I am middle aged and I know quite a few middle aged lesbians who suffer from MH conditions and some who have spent years in prison.

@TooBigForMyBoots I do not know anyone who has spent a few years in prison straight or lesbian.

It's a bit self selecting isn't it.

If you're a middle aged lesbian a couple you've over come quite a bit to get to that stage. Also currently unlikely to have kids (aware this will change its more it was harder to do so back then)

So you'd need to compare them to straight couples without kids, and also those who gave gone through a lot to be a couple. By definition I think they're more likely to be happier.

What that doesn't take into account is all the single middle aged lesbians or those in a straight relationship as they wanted to conform or all those 100s of other reasons.

Abit like comparing a relationship say as a parent of kids with additional needs and all those challenges with a couple who didn't have kids, 2 incomes, etc.

I do, and I'm going to say no to the OP's question.

There's quite a lot of drama, mostly due to relationships developing and progressing very quickly, then burning out just as quickly, in a rather small community where there's maximum 2 degrees of separation.

All sorts of people I know have spent time in prison.

It's like @AmazingLemonDrizzle says, it's a bit self selecting.

So you'd need to compare them to straight couples without kids, and also those who gave gone through a lot to be a couple.

No, you'd need to compare them to everyone else. Literally everyone else.

My point was more to do with comparisons/statistics (probably badly expressed as I haven't slept)

You can't take a small subset of group A and compare to all of another group and reach a conclusion about group A without narrowing group B to be a similar comparison. And taking out extraneous variables.

It’s just occurred to me that I know no lesbians, middle aged or otherwise.

My point was more to do with comparisons/statistics (probably badly expressed as I haven't slept)

I get that. It's the story of my entire MN history.

I’ll say. Good toasters are rather expensive these days.

I don’t know enough lesbians to know, but if we expand it to “middle aged women, not in a relationship with a man” I think the answer is yes!

Women attracted to other women are not some weird zen species. They are the same as everyone else (funnily enough) and have relationships the same as heterosexual couples do. Mything them into some magical zen 'thing' is pretty condescending, sorry.

I thought this no desire to be with a woman….UNTILL a friend of mine who turnt lesbian seemed soo happy etc after a few glasses of wine she said with lesbian couples it can very much so be a facade because they really feel the need to “prove something!” This DF left her oh of many years for this woman and remained unhappy for a long while to prove it was all worth it.

Still a lesbian but in a new relationship so who knows.

They don’t have to put up with men & their bullshit.

The End.

As a middle aged woman who is now separated from my female ex I would say that this is a bit of a fallacy. You have no idea what is happening behind closed doors, I ended up playing both breadwinner and housewife and we do have children, as do many of my peers who are only slightly younger.
There is a myth that being women you will appreciate the other women more and make steps to be equal in housework and so on but I rarely see this, one woman is always doing more. In my case it became extreme and she became more and more disrespectful of me but she was like that for years.
I know one older couple with grown up children who have got it right, and a similar pair but with no children. But it’s not a given that you will have this wonderful understanding relationship.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence_in_same-sex_relationships#:~:text=The%20CDC%20reported%20that%2061,reported%20having%20experienced%20similar%20violence.

According to this article, women in lesbian relationships suffer much more domestic abuse than women in heterosexual relations. Behind closed doors they might not be quite such good lives.

I only know two (they are not a couple) and their lives seem every bit as confused, conflicted and happy (or not) as everybody else's.

I think you will find the main reason for such calmness is lack of children, not lack of men.

My dear friend (in our 50s) has the most dramatic love life of any of us. Currently single. A trail of broken hearts, I adore her but she's clearly not easy to be with.

My mum's dear friend (70s) has a massive talent for being happy and did look incredibly sorted, from university until the death of her wife. She's now with someone else and seems happy again.

It's the person.

I think it's the women you know and not representative.

Generally I have noticed that - in social settings, but as most have said I dont know a large enough “sample size”.

Id say the one thing that irritated me for a while were the middle aged mum friends I had that had nothing nice to say about their male partners or their children. In my opinion that made everyone else in society look happier and calmer as it become a norm within the circle I was in.

I'm a middle-aged (well, elderly) lesbian and I don't think this is true. I would say I'm as sorted as the next person, ie, very well in some aspects of life and relationships and a shitshow in others. Sexuality doesn't intrinsically confer any human qualities imo, and we lezzers have no more or less in common with each other than any other group in the complicated Venn diagram of life. I do notice that heterosexual people often gender their relationship issues, which always makes me think, "well, that's just standard marriage stuff" ie, same fracas, different genitals.