To think that middle aged lesbians seem more sorted and happy than other folk?

[ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs]

Disclaimer, I'm married to a man, and happily so. But I look at the middle aged lesbians I know and they just seem so...calm. sorted. Don't seem to care what anyone else thinks, so free. I don't really want to be a lesbian, just not who I am, but damn, I feel like they seem so much more in tune with who they are and what they want.

I don't know any, but I would imagine you're right.
I would love to be a lesbian, for as a sweeping generalisation I prefer the company and to live with women.
There's so many lesbians as well, who speak publically so so articulately, I imagine because they're never intimidated by men.

Our neighbours are and yes I agree! Also my Leaders daughter- they have 2 children.

Only couple I know have 1 kid and are mid 40s. They adopted him as a baby.

They seemed far more equal in their child handling than other couple I am close to with similar age kids. But a tiny sample size of course.

No. I know several lesbian couples and they have exactly the same issues as heterosexual couples.

I don’t know anyone who fits the description…

but I did tell my DH last night (partly in jest) that when I retire I’ll be living part of the year with one of my best friends 😂

Platonic of course, but I love her company, we love all of the same things. I think we’ll be very content in a pink flowery cottage for 2 weeks a month 😆

This is it- by the time we are middle aged we have given up caring what others think.

There can also be much greater equality in lesbian relationships- women share a much larger history of similar socialisation than a man and a woman do, so there can be more understanding between partners (this is the thing my straight friends/acquaintances always comment on).

However there are also disproportionate amounts of mental health issues in the gay community, especially the older generations, because pretty much everyone has been through trauma-

a lot of people are estranged from their families, have experienced violence at home and in the street and an awful lot have experienced homelessness at a young age, either through being thrown out or being bullied/frozen out.

Massive numbers have experienced emotional abuse from their families, spiritual abuse in lots of communities, harassment and violence in the street etc-

as well as all the small things like being refused smear tests and sti tests, being thrown out of pubs and cafes, being refused goods and services… and the endless questions about your sex life and people trying to take photos and trying to get you to be in porn films 🤦‍♀️.

Interesting to hear people's experiences! I know I was generalising, and I dont have a huge sample size.

Yes of course! Just think of the fun to be had guessing 😁

That study is quoted all over the place. But it's been analysed and found that the lesbians in the study had equivalent DV rates to hetero couples when you excluded DV while in relationships with men before coming out

Just to note on abuse, that's not actually true.. unfortunately domestic violence is a real problem in lesbian relationships.

No, we have to put up with women and their bullshit.

On the subject of domestic violence, I came across a surprising statistic recently. In heterosexual couples where only one side ever initiates physical violence, women are twice as likely as men to be the violent one. (This was a USA statistic.)

Also interesting was that in more than half of relationships where there is violence, both sexes initiate it.

The same source did note that DV that resulted in visits to hospital or courts was almost always initiated by men though.

Is there a particular reason you resurrected a nearly 18 months old thread, @AliasGrace47 ?

Fyi most of the middleaged and older lesbians I know have kids- it's not at all unusual. They used friendly arrangements and DIY not clinics.

I was confused as to how this popped up in 'threads I'm on' when I didn't remember commenting, only to see that you cranked up an 18 month old thread just to argue the toss with someone who has no doubt forgotten all about it.

Whyyyyy do people do this?

I know it's annoying - but in this case I'm fed up with seeing that study referenced to claim wrongly that lesbians have the highest DV rates. It's not 'arguing the toss' - it's objectively wrong

So many MRAs on SM are using that harmfully to smear lesbians & women as a whole. I know that wasn't what was going on here, at all, but on principle I always correct that misinformation whenever I see it.

I know it's annoying - but in this case I'm fed up with seeing that study referenced to claim wrongly that lesbians have the highest DV rates. It's not 'arguing the toss' - it's objectively wrong

So many MRAs on SM are using that harmfully to smear lesbians & women as a whole. I know that wasn't what was going on here, at all, but on principle I always correct that misinformation whenever I see it.

Any violence is terrible.

However, I just find it really hard to believe that stat. Biologically, men are more aggressive on average due to hormones, most violent crime is by men. This seems well-established.

So why do those stats appear to show equal violence?

I'm open to having my mind changed - I'd just be curious to know how that ties in with biology.

One of my best friend is a lesbian and seems very happy in her relationship, her and her wife are both very chill people, but they have many friends who are lesbians who are not and have just as much drama in their lives as some straight people. Hardly surprising that everyone is different.

They don’t have to suffer male bullshit so that’s gotta knock years off them.
The only lesbian couple I know, one is currently fighting cancer and the world seems pretty shit and I sorted for them at the moment tbh.

I was in a relationship with a woman. She turned out to be a narcissistic bitch who quite frankly, ruined my MH.
I'm much happier with a man atm.
I'm middle aged. Same sex relationships are not that different or special.

Someone in their 80s now was coming of age in the 1960s, someone in their 70s was coming of age in the 70s. Ofc there was much misogyny, homophobia, etc but women before then were able to have jobs and live independently. Often low-paying, but high-paying was possible too.

Don't forget the spinster generation (due to WW1) lived independently through the 1920s and 30s, or shared homes with friends

And the 60s and esp the 70s was when women's liberation was expanding career opportunities

I’m a middle aged lesbian and I wouldn’t describe myself as “sorted” at all. I have a good job and lovely kids, which is something. But my wife cheated on me and left me - following all the MN-standard steps of “The Script” (lying, gaslighting, telling me and everyone else that it was my fault, I’d made her do it), the divorce was horrendous, and now I’m too guarded to date or even contemplate another relationship.

I do have some lesbian friends who have happy relationships but I wouldn’t describe their relationships as in any way different to those of my hetero friends. They still have the same issues around money, whose job is more important (arguments over childcare) etc.

Also lesbians have by far the highest divorce rate - way above those of heterosexual couples and gay men

Gay men don't marry very much in the first place, so when they do they're more lilely to be unusually committed. They're also much more lilely to agree to an open relationship to solve sexual boredom issues, which probs reduces cheating & therfore divorce.

In hetero couples, 70% of the time women initiate divorce, so it makes sense it would happen more for lesbian couples.