Friend keeps asking for money

[Tevion1213]

I've known them few years but we have mostly just chatted by text only met up handful of times.
He must be in a sticky situation has he's never asked for money before but I'm low income on a strict budget as have some major costs to sort I've explained this but they keep asking. Its put me off and I feel like ending the friendship. Aibu

If it's mainly a text based friendship, I'd be wondering if it was a scam tbh.

No we met in a place of work

Stop being your own worst enemy. Why haven't you blocked this user? And btw, he wasn't helping you, he was grooming you, for exactly this. To scam you out of money.

He's asking for alot of money. I'm not working and couldn't afford that either. I'm proud of you for saying no. I know how difficult that must have felt, because he's a friend. He really shouldn't be asking you repeatedly, he's trying to wear you down. I don't think he's a nice person to want your money, knowing that you cannot afford it. If he keeps asking, you're going to have to block him. Look after yourself.

As others have pointed out, to be asking you it suggests he has exhausted all closer options. This should be a red flag to you. This is also common in situations where there is addiction involved - which may not be the case! He may just be bad with money, have debt or fallen on hard times but it's just another aspect to consider.

Under no circumstances would I lend him money, particularly as it sounds you don't have the money to lend anyway! If he's a friend he would understand, if he doesn't I would let the friendship die

I'd also be highly suspicious of this

Don't even read their messages . Just reply with the same answer.
My financial circumstances are strained. I'm not able to help you.
Hope you get sorted out..
Either that or block their number

These types don't like paying back the loan either. They either get arsey when asked for it back, or "forget" they ever borrowed it. Hassle in return for doing a favour

There are only two people on this planet I would ‘lend’ money to - my DS and my DP, and that’s because I wouldn’t expect either to pay me back. The only person I would ever ask to bail me out is DP and in exactly the same form he also wouldn’t ask for it back.

Dipping in and out of friends pockets is just going to end badly. Stand firm and just say it’s not something you are able to do, you shouldn’t need to supply any justification why

As Shakespeare put it, neither a borrower nor a lender be for loan oft loses both itself and friend .....
That's what you risk here, you lend him money he doesn't or can't pay it back and it sours the friendship.
Only give him the money if you can afford to lose it, which from reading your post you cant

I don’t understand the issue here. You don’t have the money. You should say “sorry I don’t have £200 spare. Please don’t ask me again. There’s no point. I didn’t have it last week, I don’t have it this week, and I won’t have it next week. You asking me over and over is irritating me now”.

Never a lender or a borrower be.

Stick to it.

Tell him. ' gosh I was going to ask you the same thing'
That should get rid of him

Then they need to get topped up enough do somewhere outside their regular job. Amazon have a service called Amazon Flex which seems to pay decent hourly rates but he could try everything apart from trying to gouge money from someone who's budget is already stretched tight. Evening and weekend work on top of whatever job he's already doing.

If you're an empathic person it's hard to say "No" - however politely - to people, especially someone who's given you any support in the past. You have to do this very decisively, however, or he'll always be there with a sad story and his hand out.

Write down a few very short, unambiguous, direct sentences of what you need to say and read and reread them until you can recall them naturally. You'll be amazed how much lighter your shoulders will feel once you've done it though, and it gets easier with practice. Protect yourself. 🌹

Most of your posts suggest that you feel under a very strong obligation to him for helping you out by listening to your problems and sending you some encouraging texts. That is a VERY easy thing to do that doesn't cost anyone a penny.
Look how many people here have responded to you with encouraging texts. We're not expecting anything back for that and neither would a true friend in RL.

YOU DON'T OWE HIM ANYTHING!! If you want to "repay" him, at most it would be to respond sympathetically to a text or two. But in this case I don't advise continuing this texting. You've told him no, and yet he keeps on and on. Pulling at the heart strings. You actually don't know him well enough to know if any of these sob stories are actually true. The relative, the overtime etc.

You sound so guilty as if his troubles are your fault and you must do all you can to help - even though you can't - even though you've told him no. How have you ended up feeling that way? Could you even consider for a minute if he has made you feel that way? Constantly lading his texts with "Poor Me,Feel Sorry for Me" statements for example.

I think OP that you need to go through some of his previous texts and see what statements can actually be verified, what can be taken with a grain of salt, looking closely at the statements that make you feel guilty and maybe quote some on here to see if they stand up to scruitiny.

I know it is disappointing to feel that someone you trusted who was friendly is not all they seem, but the biggest evidence you have is that he is not taking NO for an answer.

At the end of the day, the solution is so simple. You can't afford to lend him the money and that is that. How he deals with that is his problem. Not yours.

Thanks to everybody I have taken all your comments on board

Don't ever lend what you can't afford to lose.

Good Lord op. I ended a friendship after being asked repeatedly to lend just £25. The first time of asking I did give it, as a gift, along with an offer of support for some financial planning (worked in a bank for a decade). The requests kept coming and I was in dire straights at the time - newly divorced, single parent on my arse financially - I couldn't afford £25 even if I was promised repayment in a month.

This is no friend op, if despite being told you can't afford it, is still asking to borrow £200.

People keep saying say "No I can't afford it"

Nope doesn't need to be that a simple "No" is enough, and if they keep asking a Fuck off is even better.

I had two friends like this, asked me 5 times in one week once, paid me back Thursday and asked me again on the Friday. I’ve got to start saying no, it’s leaving me short. Once you start op it never ends believe me

Just send a final message ‘Hi John, 8m really disappointed that you keep asking me for money when I’ve already said no. It’s made me very uncomfortable. Don’t ask again, I can’t afford it and you know it’. Block if he dares ask again.

Just say "no I haven't got money to lend I'm in dire straights myself". He's not your friend if he doesn't take no for an answer and he's not your friend if hes trying to dump his alleged problems onto you. If he respected you he wouldn't keep asking for money. Users often identify empathetic people to use. He knows you'll feel guilty saying no that's why he's picking you. Try to keep away from him as much as possible and don't reply to all his texts. Gradually get him out of your life.

Are you sure it's definitely them that's asking and not someone trying to scam you?

If it was a close friend and they were desperate and trustworthy then fair enough, but this doesn't sound like a close friend and as soon as you lend money, they will be back for more later on and likelihood is you won't get the money back. Why is he resorting to someone who isn't a close friend (red flag). I would explain to him, that him asking is making you feel uncomfortable and you don't want to be pushed to end the friendship. Be clear with him. If he persists after that then end the friendship.

'Sorry, I can't help you.'

Repeat as necessary.

Here's a bit of bracing logic for you. Tell them to go to a bank or a credit company and arrange a loan. The obvious comeback to that would be 'Oh they wouldn't lend me..yada yada yada.' And then you say 'Well if you're a bad credit risk to the bank, why are you any less a risk to me?'