Not to see my child on mother's day (I am the mum)

[cocavino]

I asked my ex weeks ago if I could see my child on mother's day, which happens to fall on his weekend. He agreed to a particular time and day to exchange my child. We live locally to each other.

Now he is throwing up many obstacles and demanding that I travel to a far-off station for the exchange at a different and very inconvenient time.

My ex is very toxic and this will become even more fraught if I continue to engage.

AIBU to just cancel seeing my child?

Do you usually flex for holidays and special days? I have a very flexible arrangement with my ex where we work together to make sure we see the kids on days that feel important. If you have a more fixed arrangement and it’s his weekend you may need to make other arrangements/mark Mother’s Day on another day.

@Jellycatspyjamas he wants flexibility for himself (which I often accommodate) but will always use deviations from the schedule to try to get other concessions from me.

I think you're probably right 😥

I would just pick another day under those circumstances.

You'll never hear the end of this 'favour' either by the sounds of it.

I find with any court ordered contact that falls on the NRP's weekend that is a special day for the RP that you should learn to have the special day on another day, unless you're very amicable and can coparent well.
It's not worth the hassle of trying to ask them to change.

Don’t engage with his shitty games.

My ex husband was the same. I had this on a couple of mothers days. I don’t even go in for Mother’s Day, but he would make a big deal out of it if it was his weekend, I’d say okay, that’s great, let’s swap and then he’d make it difficult.

The last year he did that, I just said, it’s not a big deal, ds can give me he card he made at school when he comes home. then I was painted as the evil bitch who didn’t want to see her own child on Mother’s Day. I couldn’t win!

celebrate it with your dc another day. Why these idiots have to crate drama and play games I’ll never know.

Try reverse psychology?

Now I know I've got the whole weekend to relax & enjoy myself I'm planning on doing x with y on Sunday.

Child could be dropped off by lunchtime.

Guess it depends on how old child is and would they know / be upset not seeing you

How old is the child? My 7 yo dd would insist on seeing me on Mother's Day and wouldn't take no for an answer.
If anyone tried to stop her she'd be heartbroken.
I hope your ex does what the child wants.

@vanillaclouds similar age.

I have now told the ex to forget it and he's calling me ungrateful etc. 😣

So tired of him.

Continuing angry emails. Evidently he planned the entire weekend around me!

How old is your child?

Will they be upset at not seeing you?

8 years old

Yes, will be upset

Forget it OP. He sounds like an arse.
Do something nice with your child on 'your special day'. It is even more special as it's a day that none of the other mums have, because you are a special one (or however you want to word it).

Is your ex the sort to make them even more upset about it?

Mine would have been. In which case, you might just have to suck it up and pick up where he wants.

But I’d be explaining to the child that you are going to celebrate it on a different day and so something lovely with them, cinema, cake shop what ever.

I had 15 years of this shit and ex still tries to stir the pot now from time to time, ds is 21!

Possibly. He's a scheming weasel. For example, recently he told our child that I use the child maintenance money on myself.

I will have to make it up to them on Monday.

Stop accommodating then!

Ignore him!

He sounds like a pice elf shit tbh. So many arsehole dads play games like this. Easier said than done but try and ignore him and make a different day special for you and dc. Your ex is clearly still trying to control you

Fucking hell, I had all that too. It was funding my lavish lifestyle, apparently. I sat ds down when he was a teenager and showed him just how far his dads £350 a month went towards my life of untold luxury.

Sorry you are dealing with such a massive prick too.

@CoffeeBeansGalore agree with this 100% (I also have to co parent with someone like this). If you make out that you’ll have a nice relaxing day without your child and that it’s not bothering you that he isn’t changing the arrangements - he will most likely let you see your child on Mother’s Day to ‘inconvenience’ you (obviously it won’t be but he won’t know that!)

He sounds like a total cunt. You have my sympathies.

What an asshole of a ‘dad’. He would rather upset your daughter just try to be a dick and hurtful to you. Just disgusting how some men use children in this way. Do something special with your daughter before she goes. Not too many more years to go before she can decide.

What a twat. He uses contact visits as a lever and there is little that you can do about it sadly.
Don't fret too much there will be plenty of other mothers days that you and your child will enjoy together.
Big hugs

From now on stick to contact. Don't be flexible just grey rock, no excuse, no justification "I'm sticking to the contact arrangements from now on"

As hard as it is just ignore how annoyingly unreasonable he is and have a special day on another day. He’s being pathetic and just wanting a rise from you. Enjoy A day just about you two where you can go out and have a special Mother’s Day on a different date :) sometimes it’s nicer that way, less busy everywhere and more time just you two!