to be scared when kids leave full-time education

[spanieleyes22]

So I'm currently eligible for Universal Credit with 2 children over 16 but in full-time education. But when the youngest turns 20 I believe I won't be eligible for it any more. I don't know how I'm going to pay my rent or survive without it. They will still be living with me and will be in university (hopefully). What do people do when this happens.

@spanieleyes22 I am not smug and I already had things sorted for when the boys left home before mum died. Which part of that are you not understanding?

You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get a plan together. I asked in my first post what your long term career plan is and you've chosen to ignore that question for about 16 pages now! Whatever it is, you need to up the game a bit whether that's going for a management job or sideways and then up. Or, you downsize now and take yourself out of the precarious situation and your kids just fend for themselves. Plenty of us did. If you're 57 then you've got a decade to get yourself straight rather than focus on the fact that someone has just had to watch their mother die horribly and envy them for it.

@rainbowunicorn The same poster is constantly putting the boot into the OP and is I think a particularly unpleasant individual.

And you are constantly putting the boot into me! The feeling is mutual btw.

I downsized with four DCs to two bedrooms but with a dining area. It takes the right layout but it is doable.

The majority of students can go home, perhaps. But it isn't the end of the world if they have to sleep on a couch/ mattress on the floor, or share a bedroom for a few months a year.

Some friends of mine with two kids downsized to a one bed when their kids went to Uni, they have a really good sofa bed that the kids rotate onto...or stay with friends, it is do-able.

You've had a hard time on here OP, hope you're ok and wish you all the best.

@TheSnootiestFox I always stick up for women who need support and getting instead lots of unpleasant and judgemental remarks aimed at her.
Life is tough and not everyone comes through it with their health intact or well paying jobs or a house. I personally own a decent house, I was better paid and now low paid. My DH has a serious genetic illness and unlike you could not avoid being in a wheelchair with all the money in the world. He is doing very well to work at all as most people with his condition do not. I have an illness acquired at 19 years old that has to be managed. Neither of us could claim on insurance. We live a good life in spite of our challenges.
We are still better off than my parents when I was a child. We were homeless at times and at other times lived in bona fida slums with no heating or hot water.

@mathanxiety I agree it is not the end of the world. But having a dining room really is akin to being able to have 3 bedrooms. It is very different in a 1 bedroom with a sofa bed to sleep on or an air bed. This is what I had to do when visiting my mum and it did mean I became a guest rather than returning home.
I left home at 18 and earned every bit of money I have ever had since then. I know this is not what my middle class peers did and it did make their life easier.

@spanieleyes22 Please post on moneysavingexpert forum's instead. People there are really nice and have usually been through had times themselves. They will not kick you when you are down.

I was once in a similar situation and was really clear that they needed to contribute, it's part of adult life. You have my sympathy as it's not easy. I too will never own a house and rent is crippling. Please don't be hard on yourself, you're not a failure

Your challenges were getting divorced, sadly very common these days and not at all unusual.
You had the £12k to do a Masters and a supportive family. You had already bought a house that you sold for private surgery and have now inherited another house when your mother died.
Everyone has challenges in life, but you are failing to acknowledge your many advantages in life as well.

I think sleeping on a mattress on the floor for several months or sharing with a sibling of the opposite sex is pretty rubbish. Most people wouldn't want that for their children.

I haven’t read the full
thread so this may have been mentioned before but you should get yourself on the housing register. You may find that there are more options if you are over 55. It does mean that your kids will have to fend for thenselves when they graduate but that is not at all unusual - a lot of students decide to stay in Uni city or find work away from home so have to find a house share or fiat to rent. It may not be the future you envisaged for you as a family but it is what it is.

Full on twat mode there, BenefitWaffle!

Unfortunately in the Uk it’s very difficult to afford a 3 bed house on one income only. Look for a 2 bed OP, and get a good sofa bed for the second DC.

@Howmanycatsistoomany I would usually agree with you except for the context. She was saying that everyone should have insurance for illnesses. I and someone else pointed out that does not work for genetic illnesses. My DH has a genetic illnesses and uses a wheelchair. She posted she sold her house to pay for surgery for her genetic illness so she did not end up in a wheelchair.
My DH is not to blame for having to use a wheelchair. There is nothing he could have done to prevent it.

Did you miss the bit about my terminally ill father dying when I was a kid, being groomed and sexually abused by the next door neighbour as a teen and suffering from a lifelong eating disorder as the result of a childhood of neglect? What supportive fucking family?? I BORROWED my masters fees from the student finance company, I didn't have it just lying about. I didn't sell my house for private surgery, I sold it because despite me putting the deposit down and always earning more, the law says I had to give my fuckwit ex half of everything so I had to. Despite him rocking up to the party from his mother's council house with nothing. I then couldn't afford another property so spent the money on surgery that the NHS don't offer, it wasn't a choice of going private. What advantages over the OP do I have exactly?

You see, now you are making things up. I have never said that everyone should have insurance, I said that such things could be insured against, the inference being if a person was so minded they could do so. Will you go away and bully somebody else now, please?

@TheSnootiestFox Yes I did miss that and would not have posted what I did if I had seen it. I apologise.

You did say people should plan ahead and that includes critical life insurance. When I talked about genetic illnesses you said you had sold your house and used the money for surgery for your genetic illness.

I am not bullying you. I was simply trying to stand up for an OP who posted here for support and that you have consistently bullied. I started of very polite and gentle with you, but you doubled down on the OP.
I will leave you now. But they way you and others respond to vulnerable posters is why I would never post here for support. It is hit and miss whether you get posters giving someone a kicking or being supportive.

It wasnt optimal.

But a mattress on the floor was where DS slept until he moved out after med school. He knew it was temporary and that he will never have to do that again.

I shared a bedroom with a DD when her university was doing online-only and partially online courses during covid. It made no sense for her to try to pay for student lodging when most avenues of income were unavailable to her. The OP and her DD could consider sharing a bedroom.

You have to do what makes financial and practical sense.

A bit of discomfort might even motivate students to apply themselves to the ultimate goal of financial independence.

@mathanxiety I was totally financially independent from 18, it was rubbish.

@BenefitWaffle

I fail to see the downside of financial independence.

There are none. Women would do so much better as a whole if more realised this. It’s freeing.

Financial independence is I agree important.

Thank you, and yes I did say I'd used the equity for surgery. But you assumed you knew the full story and that I'd just decided to sell up and blow the lot on private medicine. I have never bullied the OP, I answered her question politely and asked what her long term plan was re: work, and she immediately became obsessed with the fact that I'd inherited a house and gave me a kicking for the fact my mum died 6 weeks ago today. How lovely! So forgive me for not being all sparkles and fairydust with her. She asked what people did when their kids left education and I told her what I'd done to mitigate, then was told she had no sympathy for me, not that I wanted it. The theme has remained the same in all my interactionwith her, and believe me I'd really much rather have a loving family all alive and well than a house I never expected to inherit. I do hope that sheds some clarity.

Don’t think we have the info to surmise that tbh. The critical bits are qualification and longer hours.