to be scared when kids leave full-time education

[spanieleyes22]

So I'm currently eligible for Universal Credit with 2 children over 16 but in full-time education. But when the youngest turns 20 I believe I won't be eligible for it any more. I don't know how I'm going to pay my rent or survive without it. They will still be living with me and will be in university (hopefully). What do people do when this happens.

The only thing OP didn't do "right" given her university education and degree is buy a house when she probably could have done. It's easy to be critical in hindsight but I don't think anyone realised that it would be so difficult in the future if you didn't buy a house back in the 90s. I can totally understand why she is upset that she may not be able to keep the family home so that her children can stay when not at university and think posters who are having a go are being quite nasty.

Well that's not the only thing, she also chose the wrong husband. That aside, people aren't being nasty. They're simply pointing out that the OP has options and has done well given the circumstances. Contemplating suicide over living in a studio - because her grandkids won't be able to stay over is simply ridiculous.
It's 2024. OP's kids aren't guaranteed to reproduce or even stay in the same country to begin with so why all the hand-wringing?

Also the she doesn't have a 'family home'. It's a rental moved to when the kids were teenagers. Which she could be kicked out of at any time anyway. Her children can still stay with her in a 2 bed. They just won't have their own rooms.

OP needs to stop comparing herself to her friends and understand that many others are far less fortunate. It's not a race to the bottom but being a single parent and not buying a house pre-kids has always made things harder.

I'm also guessing that she lives in the Southeast/London or at least near a city, with all these boomerang kids. Very few are returning to the family home in, say a deprived Northern ex-mining town which lacks jobs. Maybe during Covid when remote boomed but that's been pulled back more and more these days.

I agree. Yes, the state can’t be expected to provide money to her to keep a 3 bed which will only have 1 person in it most of the time, however, I can see why the OP is upset that she can’t continue to provide her children with a bedroom when they come home as that would really upset me too.

It is actually nasty to have a go at someone and tell them they are being ridiculous for saying they are contemplating suicide. It's the family home if the family have lived in it for years. I can see why she is upset at the idea that they won't both be able to stay with her in the holidays. Also, not all students will have somewhere else to live in the summer as accommodation is often only for 40 to 42 weeks.

Of course, OP didn't do 'everything' right I mean she married a waster who wouldn't pay for his own children. That ruins many women's lives.

Sadly wasters don’t often come with a neon sign on their heads, you find out they’re wasters when you actually need them to step up. Oddly enough women rarely get the choice to just opt out of parenting responsibilities.

You're mixing up several different things here.
A 'place to stay' and 'own bedrooms' are not the same thing. As I and several other posters have stated. The children can still stay over in a 2 bed-flat. I mean, if the OP feels that strongly about bedrooms she can sleep on the sofa when they visit, and they can have the rooms.
I didn't say it was unfair for OP to be upset, she can feel whatever she likes but the ownership of the family home is a fact. Even if she had no issues with rent the LL could sell up - and then what?

@Jellycatspyjamas I wasn't implying that OP should have known. But she has said a few times she has done 'everything' right. That's simply not true. Not the OP's fault, but she hasn't had a smooth sailing life and suddenly found herself in this position.

@wombat15 You keep accusing people of being nasty and having a go. But we're just pointing out the fact. It's not about what OP has or has not done. It's where she is now. And she is in a good position despite everything that has happened. She doesn't feel that way, because everyone else around her seems so much better off. but she is!

Other posters have weighed in to point out that they never even had a 3 bed, or are having to downsize etc. The whole point of this AIBU is whether OP is being U, and people have shared their own experiences. If OP doesn't like what she's hearing, fine, but they're the facts, the rest of us can't d anything about it. Her friends are not the norm, they are privileged to be able to provide rent free homes, support for their kids to study, etc. OP has raised two high achieving children who are off to uni. She should feel proud, not guilty that she can't offer them more to the extent of a bad impact on her mental health. What good is her being angry, comparing, or us sympathising going to do?

She will probably have to go down to a 1 bedroom flat. Two bed flats are rarely that much cheaper than a small 3 bedroom flat.
She is right to feel upset.

What OP has done wrong is not plan for her retirement. Not advanced her career. Both are still possible.

Yeah everyone can be high flying and if you are not it is all your fault.
Absolute bullshit.

No, everyone can plan ahead a bit despite their circumstances and if you don't it is all your fault, things like disabled children aside. Even illness and injury can be insured against. I think that's more it than high flying. But you carry on making excuses.

@ExPostFacto She has a boy and a girl so wouldn't really be suitable for them to share a room for three months. Also, a two bed probably won't be much cheaper than a three bed. In reality she will have to go done to one bedroom and they won't be able to stay at all as students. I can see why she is upset about that. I don't agree that it is not the norm for students to able to stay with their parents during the holidays either. The great majority can if they want to.

@TheSnootiestFox You are wrong. You can not insure against lots of illnesses. Only some. And even then they do not pay you out for the rest of your life. The average cost for £50,000 of critical illness insurance is £25.16 a month.

Also think even a little bit logically. It stands to reason that not everyone, or even most people can earn above the average salary.

You can't always insure against illness or injury. It happens to some people when they are young. I was only 21 when I became ill. The great majority of people won't have critical illness insurance at that age.

Genetic illnesses happen as well.

Yes I have one. And spent all of the equity from my house sale when I divorced on surgery to ensure I would not need a wheelchair by 55. Long term planning again.

No, I know. But generally things like paying the mortgage off if you get cancer are widely available. There'll always be exceptions.

@TheSnootiestFox well done on having a genetic illness that can be treated.

People with one illness often can't get insurance against other though due to unknowns about whether treatment or the illness itself increases the risk of other disease.

You increase your work hours

Or your kid pays rent

@BenefitWaffle Oh give it a rest, please. You're boring me now. You can mitigate against MOST things in life, not everything, and everyone has a responsibility to make the best of their own set of circumstances. If you can't because you've been ill from birth or horrifically injured in an accident, then that's where benefits absolutely should be for life. If you've just woken up one day and realised your kids are 20 and you've not planned for a drop in income, then that's on your head. Most intelligent people can see the difference between the two situations.

Mine got jobs while at university and sublet rooms near their universities for the summer so they could keep their jobs all year. They didn't come home at all really, apart from the odd visit.

A solid work history made a big difference to their prospects when they graduated.

I think you need to adjust to the mindset that downsizing will be necessary when they leave for university, or even beforebthe second one leaves. There is no need at all for you to keep on paying rent for space that would only be used part of the time.

You should completely erase the thought of being able to help or support your DCs after they've graduated. Tell them this now so they will know where they stand and the expectation of supporting themselves won't come as a surprise.

A small home just for you is what you should be actively looking for.

The DCs will have to fend for themselves, which is what we educate them for after all. Make sure they choose degrees that will lead to solid careers.

Maybe if you read the thread you will see that the inheritance came long after this poster had already got themselves into a good position. She does explain it but why would you let facts get in the way of your daft comments and silly emojis

@TheSnootiestFox the thing is you inherited a house so you are bound to be smug. You have a home for life so are free now

Maybe try reading past the first page and you will see that this poster had sorted out her life long before the house came along. She achieved a great deal under difficult circumstances which you would know if you hadn't been in such a rush to put the boot in. I mean honestly why would you wander onto a thread that started more than 24 hours ago and post without having read past the first page.

Since we are being snooty now.

DH barely had anything at all growing up. He came from India to work here (where we met) and gradually taught himself required skills and worked his way up to the point where he's a successful in his field and I only need to work PT.