Ex partner reducing maintenance because he has other children.

[sandyofthesea]

ExH and I share a daughter. He has always paid maintenance of the same amount every month since we split even after his children with new partner were born. He has now said he is going to reduce maintenance in around 6 months because he has other children.

I’m not sure what to think. Part of me thinks okay, he has more kids to pay for. But I also feel why should DD miss out.

Just to add he is a very good Dad. There is no animosity between us, or myself and his wife, but something just feels a bit off. I can’t put my finger on it.

What are other peoples opinions/experiences please? AIBU to feel this way?

DD dad's had another child, applied to CSM to have his payment amended and they said no. I was surprised at that because I assumed it would have been reduced.
I suppose if he had had another child with you finances would have been split between them but either way I don't think it's fair, they already have existing children they should only have more if they can afford to just like the resident parent should.

Have you checked the CMS calculation?

Basically if you were together and had another child, there would still be an impact on her. Family holidays may be more basic, extra curriculars reduced.

No one should have children they can’t afford. Most families need to tighten their belt for a new arrival.

Obviously it’s crap that you aren’t part of the decision making process. Equally neither would he be, if you had another and tightened the belt for your shared child.

Personally I think all children are equally important - when I went from 1 to 2, my spending on my first reduced for obvious reasons. My friend has 4, clearly she's not spending the same on each as she did when she had 1. Money is finite, and the chances are after separation that someone may have more kids with someone else and the money has to be stretched further. The subsequent children should not be penalised in order to ensure the "original" child has things exactly as they always were. If you yourself had a subsequent child your own finances would be impacted. I don't buy the prioritisation of the "original" kids - all of the kids need their needs met

This is how it works with CMS calculations. Does he pay independently? If you have an idea of his salary, you can plug in the figures and get an idea if you’d be any better off via CMS.

This is what happens. But ime it's not a huge reduction its quite a small percentage, If he lives with them. If he doesn't and he's paying maintenance for them it might reduce more but I don't have experience of that so can't be sure.

how much will the difference be?

He is entitled under CMS to reduce payments because he has other kids, but you say he's always paid the same every month. How do you know he hasn't started earning more in the meantime? If he has, it may be that a CMS calculation - even after allowing for the deductions for the other kids - would come out at the amount he's paying now (or possibly more).

I'd ask him for his P60 and 3 most recent payslips (if he's PAYE) and do the CMS calculation yourself using the online calculator. If he refuses, just file a claim with CMS (who will require evidence of his income)

We didn’t do this but your ex can. Have you worked out what the difference is? He’s letting you know rather than asking so I suppose it is what it is. I can see why you're not happy but it’s quite common I think.

I guess it would be easier to say if we knew a bit more, like:

How much does he have your daughter? Will this change?

Is he paying independently or through CSA? If independently, how does this compare to CSA calculations?

Thank you for this. It’s a really helpful perspective. I guess that’s what I was trying to say in my OP. I know he has other children so they should all be treated fairly but for our daughter now it feels like Dad has other children so she gets less. But on the other hand he will still have 50/50 contact and she adores her siblings.

Thank you for all of your replies.
We don’t go through CMS. It’s a private arrangement and the plan is to reduce by £40 per month.

It is normal for cms to drop payments the more children you have. If it's private your possibly already getting more so nothing to worry about and it's lovely to hear you all get on that's brilliant for the kids 😊

My ex got his reduced for someone else's kids.

The system is messed up imo, but he's entitled to do it, so there's not a lot you can do unfortunately.

I mean if he has 50/50 then he doesn't really need to pay anything. Seems reasonable to reduce it a bit considering the new circumstances.

Does your child eat less now?

In general I totally disagree that child support should be reduced because of subsequent children. It's one of the reasons the system is broken. Existing children shouldn't lose out because parents go on to have more without considering if they can adequately meet their needs.

£10 a week.... how will your DD 'miss out'?

Wether you agree or not that,s the way it works and he has her 50/50when other children come along money has to be shared between additional children ,it would be the same if the Op had another child

How much does he pay? If he has her 50/50 he wouldn’t have to pay anything through CMS.

I did say in general so as it differentiate from the OPs situation. 50/50 is different.

But why should women have their pittance of support reduced if their feckless ex is barely around but goes on to have more children? It's very unfair.

I think its a hugely important factor that the "first family" have no say in the decision to reduce the available funds. If the couple are together and jointly choose to have more children than that's fair enough, but in reality what happens is the NRP reduces the maintenance and th RP makes up the difference. The actual figures involved really don't matter. Its the principle. He's not going to reduce his other bills is he? "Hi Halifax, I'm going to pay less on my mortgage because I have another mouth to feed - that's ok yeah?" CMS should not change based on subsequent children and DEFINITELY not a new partner's children that he moves in with.

Did you miss the part where he already has the child 50/50?

My ex husband did this. They were not even his children. They are steo children, who are 50/50 time with either parent.

None of the 4 parents/step parents of the other children were earning low enough to claim child benefit.

I was so disappointed and disgusted in him.

None of which appears to be relevant to the Op,situation.

So does a reduction only become relevant when it’s over a certain amount?

We don’t know how much he pays - it could be £11pw 🤷‍♀️

If you were going through CMS then he’d get a reduction. It might be worth using a CM calculator and seeing what numbers are given.