Ex partner reducing maintenance because he has other children.

[sandyofthesea]

ExH and I share a daughter. He has always paid maintenance of the same amount every month since we split even after his children with new partner were born. He has now said he is going to reduce maintenance in around 6 months because he has other children.

I’m not sure what to think. Part of me thinks okay, he has more kids to pay for. But I also feel why should DD miss out.

Just to add he is a very good Dad. There is no animosity between us, or myself and his wife, but something just feels a bit off. I can’t put my finger on it.

What are other peoples opinions/experiences please? AIBU to feel this way?

Feeling irked is reasonable in as much as it’s always nicer to be given money than not, and more rather than less. You’re avoiding saying how much he gives you so it’s presumably a decent amount, despite his costs for DD already being the same as yours.

I’d reply saying you understand and thanks for letting you know.

Anything else won’t be a good look and risks damaging what you describe as a good dynamic between all of you.

Everyone’s costs have gone up for pretty much everything. He’s still giving you extra cash purely to be nice, take the win.

But why should the resident parent earning a minimum wage have to bear the burden? Surely fairs fair?

A realistic amount would be a damn sight more than the £3 a day I get for caring for dc with additional needs. It shouldn't be based on income. You can live in a £5 million house and pay nothing.

The 50/50 was a vital part of the post. Should really have been mentioned first as it would have changed some of the answers.

I think adults can have more children if they are able to provide for them, even if it means reducing maintenance for existing children.

It doesn't mean they don't thake responsibility or love the existing children any less.

Children are added to families all the time, money spent on existing children gets reduced as siblings come along.

Just a normal fact of life.

what do you pay to him as it’s a 50:50 split?

In your update you say he has 50/50 contact and you don’t go through CMS. In that case you might find he is actually paying more than CMS would deem appropriate. Usually if it’s truly 50/50 ex would contribute nothing or very little because he has care half the time and would be (or should be)meeting the costs of that.

If he has 50/50 contact he shouldn't be child maintenance at all, as per regulations 50(2) of the child maintenance support calculations regulations 2012. So I wouldn't argue too much as if you open a case with CMS and he takes it to tribunal, you not will receive anything at all...

Surely you realise a couple expanding their family is far different to a couple splitting up... leaving mother a single parent and dad going on to have more kids or vice versa!

You read it all the time only big difference is OP has got 50/50 help but that often does not happen..

OP you are being very very unreasonable here.

What's a reasonable amount then?

If you both earn low within a marriage why would you expect them to earn more outside of it? Doesn't make sense.

And @Willyoujustbequiet if its not based on income, what should it be based on?

I agree the current system is rubbish. But it's all a but pie in the sky just crying it should be more.

Well how? And what? How much more? How do you strike the balance?

There is a Real misunderstanding about 50/50 meaning no maintenance...it is still heavily reliant on each parents income.

If there is a large disparity then maintenance may still be payable.

Dd's dad earnt over 3 times my salary when we split. I have changed jobs a couple of times and increased mine so it is nearer 2 times. However. We did 50/50 for years and cms figures still said he had to pay me £400/month for her.

It didn't sit right with me. He has 2 older kids and I knew how much he was expected to pay for them on less contact.

We agreed a private arrangement if around half the cms figure, but he also pays half towards all school related costs, activities, sundry bits that I might need for her and if I am ever short like when I had an illness that put me off work for 4 weeks on just ssp he paid me extra to help out. He did a massive food shop for me when dd and inhad covid and wouldn't take a penny from me.

@sandyofthesea there is a difference between fair and equal. If you had more kids with him then funds would be split differently and dd would be impacted. I think you are right to feel irked as this isn't something that happened when he first had more kids, but the fact he carried on at the same rate speaks highly of him.

Is there another child driving this change now or is it maybe cost of living means money isn't going as far/other change in their family circumstances?

I think more context is needed to understand and rationalise.

Equally whilst £10/weeks isn't a massive drop, it is school dinners for the week at my dds school so it would have an impact on us. And it is also relative to way he pays. Ie if he pays you £100/week then £10 is nothing. If he pays you £20/week then it's a huge drop.

Perhaps you need to have a chat with him to better understand they whys on this.

@Dssdied

There is no misunderstanding. The law is very clear on this matter.

I was a lawyer and he was a teacher. Not low earners.

Your posts aren't making sense to me. What part of both parents should be financially responsible for their children is difficult?

This is simply not true. If you'd actually gone through cms they'd have told you it wasn't payable.

Your ex obviously cares about his children which is great but legally he doesn't need to pay you anything.

So how is he paying you £3 a day then? We've established its not okay to not declare earnings or quit work. So has he done that? If so that's not at all related to cms needing to be more is it.

I'm not saying they shouldn't. I literally said you don't magically earn more on divorce.

I'll ask you again what's a realistic amount?

I don't understand why you appear to be singling me out.

Income is only part of it. People can be wealthy and have no earned income on paper. Assets and unearned income must be taken into account.

Fortunately it looks like the Government now agrees.

Why is this so difficult for you to get your head round?

Some men will go out of their way to continue to abuse their former partners by deliberately seeking to hide income.

Because you're saying it should be a realistic amount. You have said that. That's why I'm asking you.

How can assets be taking into account? You can't pay maintenance on a mortgaged house for example. Or a car. Where does it end? What if the assets are co owned by someone else?

Massive savings accounts? Yeah maybe.

It's not difficult for me to get my head around.

We aren't talking about hiding income. We're talking about child maintenance being a realistic amount.

We've established (several times now) that hiding income isn't okay.

What's so hard for you to get your head around that?

Not true at all @Dssdied because of the way the CMS calculator is set up it will give you a figure payable even if you are 50/50 but their is a disclaimer above the calculator that says there is no requirement for maintenance to be paid at 50/50. This can be overruled in court but there's actually no requirement to pay in a private arrangement regardless of disparity of income.

Look it up....the Government is passing legislation on it so they've clearly found a way.

So if its happening what's the issue?

A quick look on cms says you can already ask for a variation based on some assets actually?

I can't find any legislation about taking lived in property into account. Perhaps you can enlighten us @Willyoujustbequiet ?