To put DC's keep up to pay for a cleaner?

[Calculuses]

Two sons, early 20s, both have paid £50pw for the last 4 years. I haven't put it up because as they've got older they see to their own food more and sometimes shop and cook for me too.

Both are pretty good at "helping" when asked, they clean the bathroom, do the bins, help in the garden, put the hoover round etc, but they don't do anything regularly. They both work shifts, so that doesn't help.

I used to be a bit of a domestic goddess but for various reasons have lost interest in that and the house isn't looking well cared for. That bothers me, but not enough to do anything about it!

It strikes me that DC probably should pay a bit more, just because that's what happens IRL and if they did I could employ a cleaner. Maybe fortnightly, we can keep on top of bathrooms, hoovering etc it's the "proper" cleaning that doesn't get done.

FWIW I could afford to employ a cleaner without putting the keep up, but feel this is a way to link their contribution to the cost of running the household and they should "feel" the COL itswim. Also, I've never actually spent any of their keep, it's all in a savings account to give back to them when they move out, although they don't know that.

If it is a reasonable idea, how much? Ds1 now earns significantly more than DS2, they were equal when the arrangement started.

Yeah I remember gutting cupboards out, scrubbing skirting boards, decorating a 25 ft long living room with those stupid ceiling Christmas decorations, putting up the tree, hoovering, Ironing from a really young age.

Cake believe you're saving all that keep for them. I hope they realise how lucky they are. I could only dream.

Have you sat down with the three of you, looked at the tasks it takes to run a household, and asked them specifically to figure out their own ways of remembering to get their tasks done once a week? Say somebody takes on responsibility for mopping the floors once a week - it doesn't need to be every Sunday, but it does need to get done at least once at some point in every 7 day period, and without mum's reminder service. With mobile phones the easiest thing to do would be to set a reminder for themselves - if it were me I'd have a recurring weekly one that reminded me to set a reminder for my day off that week to do it.

I don't think you would be unreasonable to put up their contributions to get a cleaner, but I would try to get them to get into the habit of managing to remember, and do cleaning regularly as part of raising useful and considerate young men. I think if you get a cleaner in there's a danger that they end up being the type of husbands who just don't notice that cleaning needs doing and it doesn't occur to them to do any regularly and it all falls down to their wife. If they get in the habit of remembering to remember to do it, even when they work shifts, it will serve them well in the future.

I can’t be arsed to read all the replies, but just wanted to say @Calculuses that you sound great and your responses are entirely reasonable. I think this is the real world I will also be living in in about 10 years.

That's a neat little idea actually, saving it for them. In that case I'd put it up so they get used to less money before moving out.

I was once in a share house with set weekly chores, just had to be done by the end of the week - good for shift workers

There are plenty of threads about husbands who don't, it isn't unrealistic to think it's not clicked with adults living at home who have just never had to do it.

Which is why I'd ask them to do more rather than pay more. Don't want my son to be one of those useless husbands one day! **

Yes! You could out-source the thinking work to them too! Thy're old enough to notice/ remember what needs done/ create a rota system if necessary/ remind each other to do things...**

Why not assign them alternating months - one is responsible for March, May, July etc, the other for April, June, August etc - and ask them to work out a fair rota for all three of you?

It's then their job to make sure everyone does their agreed chores that month, and that all sorts of deep cleaning/ fixing/ long-term maintenance get done throughout the year....

Why should you be the only one to clean out gutters, decrumb the toaster, clean the windows, or whatever else doesn't need done on a weekly basis?!

Yep, put the rent up. They've got it easy!

The one earning less, 25 per month, the other one 50 or 75.

For cost of living and cleaning!

I would do what people in house shares do. If a cleaner costs £15 an hour and there is 3 of you, then each of you pays £5 towards each hour.

I'd give them the choice: either do cleaning regularly without being reminded (draw up a rota? Allocate specific tasks permanently? ) or pay towards a cleaner.

I'd do the same.

Cleaning willingly when asked, decorating, installing outside lights. What awful young men you've brought up @Calculuses! 🙄

As soon as some posters see the word 'sons' reason goes out of the window.

But anyway, having a cleaner is wonderful. There's only me in my house now, but I haven't given up my cleaner, because it just lifts a load and makes my life happier. So do it, and if your son's are happy to chip in, all the better.

I love my cleaner! But also there is a load of tidying up that needs doing before she comes so in your shoes OP I'd do a rota/plan in agreement with your sons for the day prior to the cleaner each week:

-everyone is responsible for ensuring their own room is tidy, laundry put away
-one DS clears the kitchen surfaces, pots in the dishwasher etc
-one DS clears the other communal spaces eg takes any rubbish out, shoes on the rack etc.

Otherwise as PPs have said there's a risk they absolve themselves of any cleaning/tidying duties which will make the cleaners job harder/longer/more expensive.

I would "put their keep up". I'd just broach the subject with them, saying you all seem to find the cleaning a chore and you think it would be best to split the cost of a cleaner three ways so none of you have to bother doing the main weekly jobs anymore.

If they aren't keen to pay, then tell them you need a three-way split on the cleaning rota and enforce it firmly.

I would never charge my children to live at home. Save it toward a deposit instead but the family home is just that. You're just setting your kids back if you charge them wtf.

I disagree with you, @5thCommandment. I think it's part of growing up to know that you have to pull your weight financially. Why should their wages just be used as pocket money? It's one thing if you say, "You can stay for nothing as long as you're saving", but what happens if they don't save? What if they waste their wages? Would they ever want to grow up and move out if their wages were just for spending on themselves? What kind of partner would they be in future?

It young adults are not saving or investing, they haven't been raised to understand the value of money, compounding, and getting on. All about guiding them from an early age and encouraging saving but opening things like junior isas etc. I just don't see this ever bring an issue in our household. Same as helping with chores, our 6yr old already helps with the dishwasher etc. parents are responsible for their children, but home should be a safe free place and I disagree with charging kids out of principle. There are plenty of other better ways to educate rather than take away their earnings.

I feel like you're getting a hard time here. If you think of it more like three adults living together I think it would be reasonable to have a conversation about getting a cleaner and each paying a third rather than some odd keep situation. I don't think you've done some awful parenting because they don't remember to deep clean the skirting boards!

Hahaha ha. Mine were great at 6yo. Stripped their own beds, sorted their own laundry, unpacked the shopping, squirrelled away any money they were given...please do come back in 15 years....

So they sound reasonably helpful and decent 'kids' so why not sit them down and explain that you cannot do as much as you used to and need a bit more regular help around the house. So there are 2 choices, we can sort out a list of jobs that need doing and all muck in with chore lists or we can all chip in for a cleaner.

It’s your choice not to spend their keep money but to save to return to them so you can’t complain that you don’t see that money. It’s your house and your responsibility to do some cleaning and maybe create a rota of jobs they can do, so you don’t have to remind/ask and they can work it round their shifts. If they would prefer a cleaner you can ask and suggest splitting costs, but you may find they are just as happy to do it themselves, I don’t think you can check out of cleaning though totally

By sitting them down and having an adult conversation. Im not sure why you think that its a funny suggestion.
We did it here. Its really v simple.
Right lads, so, now there are x number of adults here, it no longer falls to me/us to do all the housework. So i suggest you do this, i do that, etc etc. It all needs to be done on a weekly basis.
Any adult child with self respect wldnt expect their mother to pick up after them, esp if shes poorly.
That was part of the conversation here. 'You dont actually expect someone else to pick up after you do you? What do u think wld happen in a houseshare"
All of mine understand they clean up afterthemsleves if they want to live in a clean home.
If they dont, they can always move out.