To put DC's keep up to pay for a cleaner?

[Calculuses]

Two sons, early 20s, both have paid £50pw for the last 4 years. I haven't put it up because as they've got older they see to their own food more and sometimes shop and cook for me too.

Both are pretty good at "helping" when asked, they clean the bathroom, do the bins, help in the garden, put the hoover round etc, but they don't do anything regularly. They both work shifts, so that doesn't help.

I used to be a bit of a domestic goddess but for various reasons have lost interest in that and the house isn't looking well cared for. That bothers me, but not enough to do anything about it!

It strikes me that DC probably should pay a bit more, just because that's what happens IRL and if they did I could employ a cleaner. Maybe fortnightly, we can keep on top of bathrooms, hoovering etc it's the "proper" cleaning that doesn't get done.

FWIW I could afford to employ a cleaner without putting the keep up, but feel this is a way to link their contribution to the cost of running the household and they should "feel" the COL itswim. Also, I've never actually spent any of their keep, it's all in a savings account to give back to them when they move out, although they don't know that.

If it is a reasonable idea, how much? Ds1 now earns significantly more than DS2, they were equal when the arrangement started.

In that case, I’d charge a lot more, have a cleaner, and put more aside for them.

In the late ‘90s I was giving my mum £600 a month, not including food. As that was the going rate, and I didn’t want to be taking advantage of her.

It wouldn't be unilateral. I just floated the idea past DS2 and he's quite keen.

I'm only thinking of charging them "something", not the full cost anyway. I'd probably cover half as my share.

Yeah this

You don't believe that an adult can see an untidy kitchen and tidy it up? Or recognise that a bathroom might need a once over?

I think it's reasonable given you have kept the same rate for the last 4 years and in that time there have been various costs that have increased.
I would have said the same thing if you didn't mention wanting to pay for a cleaner.
How much were you thinking of increasing it by?

When are these two adults planning on learning that bathrooms need cleaning, dishes need washing, floors need hoovering without mummy prompting them? It isn't helpful for you, them, future housemates or future partners for fully grown adults to 'not see things that need doing'. They are the future shit husbands so many women complain about here on a faily basis.
They've got it made at the moment - crazy low rent plus mum schleping around after them.

🤣 Well if your young men do, and take action routinely, well done you, have a gold star.

I'm quite happy I've raised decent young men, holding down regular jobs, doing their bit when asked, kind to animals, I'm just looking to make life a bit easier and less stressful for all of us.

Give them the choice, do they want a cleaning rota or to contribute more to have a cleaner? Get a price and split it between them. Personally I think a cleaner would mean you are not nagging them to keep on top of it.

I'm not sure why your getting hate from other posters for charging your adult children rent, especially when you've mentioned you are setting it aside for them. I was charged digs at that age but I never saw any of it back. It wasn't till moved out into share accommodation that I realised the real cost of living.

They are adults and you are not there to chase after them its not a case of "can't be arsed". I'm sorry but if they go on to have homes and partners of their own will the partners to do all the cleaning?

I completely agree with you here @Willyoujustbequiet

If you set the bar low for adult male children, then you will be doing their wives or partners and injustice later.

@Calculuses raise their keep money. You are doing them a service as a parent and while they're doing chores when asked, it allows them to see that nothing comes free. They will either need to clean their own houses when the time comes or pay someone to do it for them. Like you say, you've saved the money for them but you're right in that the point is the life lesson.

Yes yes, we all know all of this is always women's fault.

They were model husbands, when I actually had control over their day, ie until they left school. They have all the skills.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all. How old are the kids? If the older one earns more maybe say that when you turn (eg) 24 the rent goes up to 250/300 so the other one has had the same rent price at the same ages as his older brother. The rent you charge is very cheap - you have nothing to feel guilty for. You sound like a lovely mum.

Painting the bathroom and putting up a light are not the same as the every day grind of running a house. Men so often get away with doing bugger all because they put the bins out once a fortnight or do a small bit of DIY or a cook a meal (without planning and shopping for it).

Personally if it were my sons I would not be getting a cleaner ie another woman to clean up. In all likelihood they don't be able to afford a cleaner when they leave home and by your current posts they aren't going to make great partners since they can't 'see' ness aka laziness and 'a woman will do it' (I dread my DD meeting men like this). I would be telling them that they need to step up or think about getting their own place.

I'd never thought of just asking them to think more 🤣 I don't believe for a minute you'd chuck your son or daughter out because they needed asking to clean the bathroom.

I'm a child of the 90s and had to clean vacuum the upstairs and clean the bathtoom every Sunday from the age of 13.

My sister vacuumed the downstairs and mopped the kitchen.

We did it every Sunday and wanted to get it out of the way so of course we remembered it.

My brothers? Did fuck all. Plus ca change, eh?

My kids did it at 13yo! Actually they had chores from 5yo. I haven't stripped their beds since then now it just doesn't get done

The every Sunday thing is part of the problem. The reaosn the teenage chores system doesn't work. They work shifts. They can't have a set day for it.

Some of the responses are wild, your boys are adults and if their keep is going straight to savings for them, they are getting free rent.
If I were you, I'd give them an option. Explain what needs doing every day/week/month, and that it's too much for you. Either they take on their fair share and commit to doing it to a good standard, or you get a cleaner and they split the cost. If they pick option 1 and don't stick to it, you switch to option 2. Option 1 is best though because they'll understand how to run a household and be less of a nightmare when they move in with flatmates or a partner!

TBH it’s not great for them not to learn how to do it themselves. If they rely on you or a cleaner then they will be stuck in that loop of their future partner doing it all or having to pay a cleaner forever. If they ever live in a house share they will have a rota and won’t be very popular if they don’t contribute. Why don’t you try the rota like some PPs suggest? They each have to run hoover round / clean bathroom or kitchen once a week. Once the rota is set up you don’t want to be having to nag them like children. If they can’t do that then warn them you will be getting a cleaner that they have to pay towards.

I think I've explained repeatedly that they do know how, and why a rota doesn't work for us/me?

Once a week then and they choose the day? Whatever day works for them.

Yes and who ends up thinking about whether it's been done this week/having to remind people who "forgot"?

The fact you’re saving for them means that they don’t need as much spare income to save themselves (especially if they’re not good at this). I think it’s perfectly reasonable to increase their keep. I paid £90pw when I was at home and earning minimum wage, and none of that was saved for me. I’d ask for a percentage of their wage to make it fair. Maybe let them know you’re planning to help them out a bit when they’re ready to fly the nest.

No I wouldn't 'chuck' my children out because they wouldn't clean the bathroom . They would be making a decision based on an adult conversation about living in my house.

I'm not really sure why you posted your question because all you seem to have done is make excuses for them!

Fgs get a cleaner but pls dont think raising a man is 'kind to animals' in any way makes up for raising a man who shows a lack of respect for his mother by not even seeing a toilet needs cleaning.

I like the idea of asking them which they'd prefer - pay for a cleaner, or do the housework regularly. If they say clean, you could have a trial period, and if it doesn't work, you get a cleaner.

Funny how they don't forget their shifts but forget their chores, eh?

Deffo put their rent up.