To put DC's keep up to pay for a cleaner?

[Calculuses]

Two sons, early 20s, both have paid £50pw for the last 4 years. I haven't put it up because as they've got older they see to their own food more and sometimes shop and cook for me too.

Both are pretty good at "helping" when asked, they clean the bathroom, do the bins, help in the garden, put the hoover round etc, but they don't do anything regularly. They both work shifts, so that doesn't help.

I used to be a bit of a domestic goddess but for various reasons have lost interest in that and the house isn't looking well cared for. That bothers me, but not enough to do anything about it!

It strikes me that DC probably should pay a bit more, just because that's what happens IRL and if they did I could employ a cleaner. Maybe fortnightly, we can keep on top of bathrooms, hoovering etc it's the "proper" cleaning that doesn't get done.

FWIW I could afford to employ a cleaner without putting the keep up, but feel this is a way to link their contribution to the cost of running the household and they should "feel" the COL itswim. Also, I've never actually spent any of their keep, it's all in a savings account to give back to them when they move out, although they don't know that.

If it is a reasonable idea, how much? Ds1 now earns significantly more than DS2, they were equal when the arrangement started.

It sounds a good idea.
I increase my DC’s ‘rent’ each year.
DC2 is 25 and earns 26k and DC1 is 23 and earns 40k. They both give me £250 per month and there is an understanding that they need to save a significant chunk of their income which they do.

Do you have adult children? Did you clean the toilet when living at home as a young adult?

Obviously I have been a terrible parent, but I don't know any of my peers with adult DC at home who are getting more than a bit of help here and there. Most not even that, boys and girls.

It's either the OP's own home and hers alone, which means the sons should be regarded as lodgers and pay the market rate for that, or it's the family home and the adults in the family contribute financially and do their bit regarding keeping it clean etc.

I'm laughing as I paid £50 per Fridays in the month when i lived at home (£200 / £250 a month) when I was earning £13,000 a year - that was 15 years ago

I don't see it as a bad a thing to put the rent up to make the home they're living in nicer - everyone benefits from a cleaner.
And they're still getting somewhere to live without the full cost of moving out

In a few years the girlfriends/wives of these men will be posting on MN complaining that they don't pull their weight around the house

Both are pretty good at "helping" when asked, they clean the bathroom, do the bins, help in the garden, put the hoover round etc, but they don't do anything regularly
Ick ick ick.

Yes I do and actually I have similar issues although neither of mine are living at home and working, they are students. Don't get me wrong, it isn't easy and sometimes it feels easier to just do it yourself. However I am determined that they understand that if they live at home when working they will absolutely be expected to muck in regardless of whether me and DH are working.

Why don't you say £200 each (which is so cheap - I bet they spend that on going out) and they split the electricity bill between them? They are the ones using most of the electricity, so you might as well benefit from them paying the bill.

I'd also say the cost of the cleaner should be split between the number of adults in the house.

And don't give them the electricity money back!

Why are the kids skivvies?? They all live in the house why shouldn’t they help clean it 🙄

Question
Am I being unreasonable to put DC's keep up to pay for a cleaner?
Answer
No - It didn't need four pages of debate.

I’d definitely up their keep and link it to needing a cleaner (and spend it on a cleaner rather than saving for them and paying yourself!). The other option is a rota or each person covering certain tasks if they’d rather not pay more. Also, even if they’re on minimum wage, if they work full time, £200 a month is a small % of earnings.

I have a cleaner 2 hrs per week which covers a small 3 bed (no washing or changing sheets). It costs approx £120 a month so I’d say an extra £50 a week each should nearly cover it? I think it’s important they realise they’re adults and need to contribute to keeping the home clean and tidy, not children who “help” when asked.

If you want a cleaner then get a cleaner.
You've said you can afford one.
To me having a cleaner is as essential as having petrol in the car.
You don't need any bollocks excuse reason to justify getting one imo.
By all means ask DC for more money but it's not to pay for the cleaner

OP, your kids will never be good at saving unless they 1. have something to save for, 2. have unpredictable income without a safety net and 3. have had a chance to practice regular saving.
I'm afraid you saving their money for them is not going to set them up with any savings skills and as long as they live with you and pay pennies, they won't feel the pressure to save anyway. Please use the money they pay you to offset some of the costs of them living at home. Chances are, they will happily and quickly spend the lump sum you give them when they move out anyway.

I agree re the savings.

A lot of people hire cleaners. Who made you a judge? She is doing a lot and still working so she is not outsourcing the shit she can't be arsed with. She is also saving money her sons are giving them for them.

We paid 40 a week 20 years ago on new at 15/16 and had to do a lot round the house! It was crap. So I think you're dcs are getting an easy ride!!!

NMW**

Reasonable. Or could be a choice - either tidy the house more or rent goes up.

Obviously it is up to you what you pay, but I was paying £50 pounds a week or more over 20 years ago when I was earning 15k a year. And that seemed a bargain then

£50 a week!!!! Is it still 1999!!

I'd increase it to £100 per week, each.

They are not children, they are adults. Split all the bills 3 ways between the 3 adults living in the property. Simple and fair. If they don't like it they can move out.

Just as you say they should pay more which is what happens IRL, which isn't unreasonable, as adults they should be playing a bigger role in home life and not merely 'helping' when asked... shift work or not. It's really not farfetched for an adult to be expected to do this.

Have you looked at TOMM (The Organised Mum Method) for cleaning/tidying? (I HATE the name but it's a good system).

If the issue is that they are willing to help but need direction, the system will give it to you. 15/20 mins of pre-defined tasks a day, Mon-Fri and you get round the whole house. You can take turns and therefore vary the rota so no one gets bored.

Offer them an option of either a) we give this system a go and you do 15 mins of tasks every other day/3 times a week
OR
I put keep up and we get a cleaner.

You'd probably be doing them more of a favour with the first method as it sounds like they've got some learning to do for the future about how to proactively keep a house clean and tidy.

I think you are v generous by the way - I was paying £50/wk keep to my parents in 2003 which I felt was totally reasonable.

If you doubled it, took a little for the cleaning, and put the rest in savings, I’m sure with the benefit of hindsight when you gave them all the money they’d saved without knowing they’d be thrilled. In the meantime, paying their way, understanding more about the cost of living and having a cleaner home will only benefit them.

£50 each is very very cheap, you could say due to COL you're gonna put it up a bit, to £70. Still put the 50 off them both in the savings account as normal but the extra 40 per week you're gaining off them both use that to employ the cleaner.
Even at 70 a week that is very very cheap to live a room in a HMO is about £100 plus they would have to buy all own food