Salary drop for less boring job

[MalmuteMaggie]

I'll try to keep this short.
DH and I have no children, we have both always worked full-time, but he has historically earned about double what I do, in a much more stressful job, with expected long hours of unpaid overtime. He paid a bigger share of bills etc in line with our salary differences. Because we both worked full-time we have taken equal responsibility for household tasks (though he is more fussy than me so chooses to clean a lot mire than I deem necessary, he also loves to cook).

Last year we moved to a more affordable area so that he could change career as he was getting burnout. This meant he could reduce his salary and we now both work full-time, earn roughly the same (40k ish each), take equal responsibilty for bills, and his stress is far better.

However (here is my aibu) - my job is really dull and I've seen something I think I'd like to try. But, the salary is a drop of about 14k (still full-time) - which would mean dh being the main earner again.

I've spoken to my sister and she thinks aibu because dh wouldn't be able to afford the "luxury" of dropping his salary for a job he liked more as we would be relying on him maintaining his earnings. She also thinks it is unfair of me to decide to "throwaway" our chance to save for a better retirement. But I think DH has had a chance to take a salary drop, so why shouldn't I?
We would have to forfeit foreign holidays and treats , but I'm happy to do so for a chance at doing something new. But aibu and am I (as my sister says) being selfish?

Yeah I think that's ridiculous. He took a salary drop and now matches yours, he was in a stressful job with long hours. The circumstances are different. What if you drop £14k then he wants to match you? You'd then tell him no that's not possible.

But we had to move house to the other side of the country to accommodate his wish to drop his salary. That is a far bigger sacrifice than doing without holidays etc.

Or he could have changed career and stayed living where you did if you earned more. Its not just on him. You are now at the same salary, why wouldnt you want to contribute fairly if you could?

Yes that’s ridiculous. It’s like tit for tat.
He had a great salary and has now dropped down to a just above average wage … which is the same as what you earn.

Now you want to drop down to a shit wage. 14k is a huge drop when you earn 40k.

40k to 26k is not acceptable to drop just because.

When we got together he knew he would be the main earner and was happy to take on that role.

What does your DH think as that is what matters really?

I sort of this you would be unreasonable because I think such a drop would risk your financial security too much - but if he is ok with it that is what matters!

I supported his wish to do a different job (despite the salary drop), surely I should have that opportunity too? Especially when we gave up our house for a flat.

No way would I drop my salary to 26k by choice even though that's what I earn now. Next month it will be not much more than minimum wage when the NMW increases,

But you aren't contributing equally - there is a difference I think

Why did he know he was going to be main earner? Dropping from £40k to £26k is insane, and your DH has every right for the same request. So will you cope on 2 x £26k? I don't think it's fair that you get to call the shots. He also cleans more than you and cooks. I think you need to rethink your thought process.

Thank you. I was really taken aback by my sister's reaction and really did want to see if aibu before I speak to dh about it.

Bet he dropped from a great to a bit better then average salary.

You are dropping down to a shit salary which will mean you can’t have luxury’s

14k is a big drop but I absolutely get what you're saying about being bored. I recently changed roles into what is a more challenging environment in theory but I'm bored as fuck so feel your pain. If I was you I'd look for something else that isn't such a big drop in salary.

He knew because he worked in a professional career and I worked in a shop. He knew this and still got into a relationship with me.

This is the thing. I think being absolutely bored to death at work every day is a miserable existence.

That doesn't mean he thought it would always be that way! I'd be fuming if my other half wanted to compromise our lifestyle so much that we had to strip anything nice out of it. There must be other options instead of such a drastic drop!

I hate my job. Hate. It does my head in and I feel like headbutting my desk. But they pay me 55k. I see jobs all the time that are far more like what I love and what I'd enjoy doing but I don't apply because I don't want to lose 30k.
I don't understand why you'd put your family into financial difficulty because your job is boring.

Have you thought about what could happen if you break up? You'd be putting yourself in a prettty bad situation inless you have possibiliy to return to more profitable work

Oh I absolutely agree which is why I can sympathise. I've only been in this role 5 weeks and I'm on the lookout for something else 🙈

We wouldn't be in financial difficulty. We'd have less money for luxuries and less to save each month, but wouldnt be struggling. We don't have children to consider.

It's soul destroying. I'd happily forego holidays abroad for the chance not to feel my every single second ticking by every day.

We would have to forfeit foreign holidays and treats

Then only your DH can answer this. No way I'd sacrifice the 2 things I live for when I'm not working! I would then just be existing. But I know some people are absolutely fine with that and your DH might be one of them.

So you were prepared to put up with the possibility of him having a total breakdown?
For the time together by your own admission, he had double your money paid double.

H was honest with you that he was burning out
you've downgraded your lifestyle

Now you want to get out of a "boring" job and stress your husband about money. Incredible.

That’s a huge pay cut.
Can you talk to your employer about changing so job is more interesting? Is there anyway to progress and make it more interesting?
Also, all jobs get boring after a while!

Have you discussed it?

I think the theory works - he got to drop his salary so now you get to drop yours. I don’t think it’s reasonable to say “but what if he wants to drop salary again?” But it is reasonable to look at your finances, what the impact would be on now and your future, including what happens if he is (or you are) forced out of work for any reason.

How about looking further - there’s got to be something in between your current job and the low paid one.