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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

2 friends I introduced go out without inviting me

109 replies

BrandySnaps1 · 06/03/2024 12:41

I had a friend. We will call her Michelle. Met her in an local online meet up group during covid. I have another friend called Kelly who I met a few months later from the same group and introduced the 2 of them. We all started meeting up regularly, even going on holiday. Before this a few times I noticed Michelle and Kelly would post about going out for a drink and not ask me. They lived right near eachother so I didnt think too much of it. Cut a long story short Kelly and I stopped talking to Michelle after some questionable behaviour.

Kelly and I kept in contact and she is fun, lively and outgoing. I then introduced her to another new friend, lets call her Beyonce. Beyonce is kind, gentle, caring, very zen and relaxed. Kelly took to her immediately and made a bee line for her. Taking her number from the group whatsapp and the two of them started to do a lot without me. Its now to the point Kelly and i hardly speak, but I meet up with Beyonce regularly. Beyonce mentions Kelly in passing and I find out the 2 of them have gone on double dates with their partners. Kelly seems to have intentionally done this as i witnessed before. I also made a few petty, comments about not wanting to crash a dinner they invited me too because I was salty.

While there has been no actual conflict between Kelly and I, i included her in my life a lot, introducing her to new ppl and never organising things without her. But here she seems to have taken to Beyonce and disregarded me which hurts as i feel left out, and also abit jealous as i introduced the two of them.

I try not to mention Kelly too much when I see Beyonce, but we are all attending Beyonces wedding in a few months and Im dreading to see Kelly. Where does she get off using me and stealing my friends? Yes i know i sound like a child but I need to vent. I know we cant get possessive over people but i think this is just Kellys character. i feel used and now kicked to the sideline.

OP posts:
Everythinggreen · 07/03/2024 13:52

You know what, I like OP. She's taking all the Destiny's Child jokes on the chin in good humour and not kicking off like many would.
Kelly's loss OP!!

strivingtosucceed · 07/03/2024 14:46

Something similar happened to me OP, it all came to an end when about 7 months later they had a big bust up and both came crying to me about the other. Their friendship ended, and i'm not particularly close to either of them anymore.

housethatbuiltme · 07/03/2024 14:55

BranchGold · 06/03/2024 13:15

I think the fact you’ve known someone a couple of months longer doesn’t give you exclusivity over them.

This... we teach toddlers you don't have ownership/dictatorship over a friend and yet some adult women still don't get this.

Kelly isn't property she is a person. Who 'found her' first does not matter at all because she doesn't 'belong' to anyone.

Clingyness and control are not attractive traits in friends or partners.

Gwenhwyfar · 07/03/2024 14:58

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 06/03/2024 13:21

You don't own your friends.

Or your lover either, but you might be heartbroken if he leaves you for a friend.

Same for your cat, even if legally you do own your cat.

Gwenhwyfar · 07/03/2024 14:59

"This... we teach toddlers you don't have ownership/dictatorship over a friend and yet some adult women still don't get this."

I didn't know modern parents did this. I keep seeing on here parents being annoyed when their child is excluded from a birthday part everyone else has been invited to.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/03/2024 15:46

Everythinggreen · 07/03/2024 13:52

You know what, I like OP. She's taking all the Destiny's Child jokes on the chin in good humour and not kicking off like many would.
Kelly's loss OP!!

Actually, yes, OP seems to be trying to rationalise this here with MN and there's nothing wrong with that at all. Human friendships can be hard to navigate and at least she's checking here and getting input so she can think on this in her own time.

Brawcolli · 07/03/2024 16:47

Gwenhwyfar · 07/03/2024 14:59

"This... we teach toddlers you don't have ownership/dictatorship over a friend and yet some adult women still don't get this."

I didn't know modern parents did this. I keep seeing on here parents being annoyed when their child is excluded from a birthday part everyone else has been invited to.

Its pretty obvious that it would be upsetting if everyone else apart from your child had been invited to a party, though

Gwenhwyfar · 07/03/2024 19:24

Brawcolli · 07/03/2024 16:47

Its pretty obvious that it would be upsetting if everyone else apart from your child had been invited to a party, though

Well, yes, but it's equally obvious that OP will be upset if her friends go out without her. Even so, they have the right to.

angieloumc · 08/03/2024 23:49

Oh dear, you do sound very possessive. You can't stop people being friends away from you.

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