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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

2 friends I introduced go out without inviting me

109 replies

BrandySnaps1 · 06/03/2024 12:41

I had a friend. We will call her Michelle. Met her in an local online meet up group during covid. I have another friend called Kelly who I met a few months later from the same group and introduced the 2 of them. We all started meeting up regularly, even going on holiday. Before this a few times I noticed Michelle and Kelly would post about going out for a drink and not ask me. They lived right near eachother so I didnt think too much of it. Cut a long story short Kelly and I stopped talking to Michelle after some questionable behaviour.

Kelly and I kept in contact and she is fun, lively and outgoing. I then introduced her to another new friend, lets call her Beyonce. Beyonce is kind, gentle, caring, very zen and relaxed. Kelly took to her immediately and made a bee line for her. Taking her number from the group whatsapp and the two of them started to do a lot without me. Its now to the point Kelly and i hardly speak, but I meet up with Beyonce regularly. Beyonce mentions Kelly in passing and I find out the 2 of them have gone on double dates with their partners. Kelly seems to have intentionally done this as i witnessed before. I also made a few petty, comments about not wanting to crash a dinner they invited me too because I was salty.

While there has been no actual conflict between Kelly and I, i included her in my life a lot, introducing her to new ppl and never organising things without her. But here she seems to have taken to Beyonce and disregarded me which hurts as i feel left out, and also abit jealous as i introduced the two of them.

I try not to mention Kelly too much when I see Beyonce, but we are all attending Beyonces wedding in a few months and Im dreading to see Kelly. Where does she get off using me and stealing my friends? Yes i know i sound like a child but I need to vent. I know we cant get possessive over people but i think this is just Kellys character. i feel used and now kicked to the sideline.

OP posts:
LadyNijo · 07/03/2024 07:40

You’re being deeply unreasonable and very playground. Did you genuinely imagine it’s some kind of unwritten rule that the person who introduces two other people must always be invited to all their meetings?

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 07/03/2024 07:43

I’m sorry that you feel hurt, but maybe Michelle feels exactly the same way that you do now.

IggOrEgg · 07/03/2024 07:45

The names 😂 very good OP 👏🏼
Its a bit sad that your own friendships with Kelly and Michelle didn’t flourish but you can’t very well begrudge them forming friendships with other people as you’re all in the same boat of very new connections.

ichundich · 07/03/2024 07:49

I understand it hurts, but just because you introduced them you don't own them.

Cornishclio · 07/03/2024 09:14

I am intrigued to know what the questionable behaviour from Michelle was as you and Kelly ditched her. Seriously it all sounds a bit juvenile and I would not get involved in it. If Kelly ignores you why go to her wedding?

Cornishclio · 07/03/2024 09:16

Sorry I just realised it is Beyoncé's wedding not Kelly's Blush

Ramalangadingdong · 07/03/2024 09:19

Mamaofboys5 · 06/03/2024 12:48

Nope you are not. I am in a similar situation. Not so much as stealing a friend from me, however the said women blatantly organise a brew with me included in the conversation.. and no invite sent to me.. women can be bitchy. Try to rise above it and keep your distance after the wedding. Keep your circle small, easier life 🙂 hope you are ok x

Your situation is different to OP’s. Your friends are outright mean. How can you invite someone then ignore them?

in OP’s case I think it is childish to not understand that some people hit it off better than others. You can’t steal friends. I understand her being perved but at some point one has to let it go.

takemeawayagain · 07/03/2024 09:22

Just be polite and civil to Kelly and don't worry about it at the wedding. Maybe she'll dump Beyonce and move on to someone else shortly. You've found out she's not a genuine friend so no need to be upset but also no point being 'salty' about it as it'll just make you look very childish. You don't get to decide who people are friends with or who they spend time with.

SloaneStreetVandal · 07/03/2024 09:23

I think this is the risk you take befriending people online (similar to online dating). In RL, friendships tend to form organically through work/mutual friends etc. Its easier to get a feel for someone, over time, when its in person.
As PP's have said, its childish and unrealistic in any circumstance to expect to be given superior status because you connected with them first.

Jamesblema · 07/03/2024 09:23

I loved your use of the destiny’s child names (sneakily introducing Beyoncé halfway through so we wouldn’t clock until then). I would like to be your friend and I can promise that I wouldn’t steal any other friends.

Timeisallwehave · 07/03/2024 09:24

Nah, YABU. It does suck but sometimes people hit it off better. Sometimes people invest more than others in their friendships

Jamesblema · 07/03/2024 09:24

Also Beyoncé sounds nice. I’m sure she’ll click on to Kelly soon enough. Maybe she’ll even dis her in her next album.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/03/2024 09:26

I had this when I was 14. Made a new best friend in class was 'besties' with her for a year and then at the start of the next school year, she'd made a new best friend and it was obvious it was twos a company, threes a crowd. Years later I met up with her via FB, we were best mates again for about a year or so, then she got bored and dropped me when she feel in lurve (her word!). I realised she hadn't changed much from when she was a teenager.

But, there's nothing you can do about it. You can't police who's friends with you or not.

Also, there were some friends I met through lockdown. Most of them were there for just that, lockdown meetups. We've all lost touch, and a few have moved away. There's one friend I met through lockdown walks that I think I could've had a friendship with outside that group but we lost touch.

Everythinggreen · 07/03/2024 09:32

She hasn't stolen "Beyonce" though because you're still friends and still meet up with her. She's also become friends with her.

The thing to get annoyed about is being dropped by "Kelly" if she doesn't see you, but that doesn't seem to be your issue. Your issue is that you don't want "Kelly" to be friends with "Beyonce" unless you have a pivotal role in that.

Have you asked "Beyonce" to have double dates with you? Sometimes we have different kinds of friendships with different people. Perhaps "Kelly" has picked up on your disdain for her, especially as it's a new friendship.

Are you Farrah in this?

AnnieRegent · 07/03/2024 09:33

The question is ... can Beyonce handle this

britneyisfree · 07/03/2024 09:34

AnnieRegent · 07/03/2024 09:33

The question is ... can Beyonce handle this

Can Kelly?

😂

waterlellon · 07/03/2024 09:37

britneyisfree · 07/03/2024 09:34

Can Kelly?

😂

I don't think they can handle this

JustMeShoppingAgain · 07/03/2024 09:39

Omg 🤣 what year is it?

britneyisfree · 07/03/2024 09:41

🤣🤣🤣 @waterlellon

waterlellon · 07/03/2024 09:41

britneyisfree · 07/03/2024 09:41

🤣🤣🤣 @waterlellon

🤣🤣🤣 back at ya! ❤️

britneyisfree · 07/03/2024 09:44

❤️@waterlellon

Gcsunnyside23 · 07/03/2024 09:44

BrandySnaps1 · 06/03/2024 13:11

Im off to find this thread!

Kelly doesnt introduce anyone to her friends i might add!

Bet she's got none as she picks up and drops people when she meets someone new and shiny. People like her dont have lasting friendships usually

ABwithAnItch · 07/03/2024 09:47

This has happened to me several times, so I feel you. It's not so much that I mind people becoming good friends, it's the lack of reciprocation. It took me a while to realize some people will use you for who you know, and once they have that 'in', they will drop you like a ton of bricks. It's not nice.

Februaryfeels · 07/03/2024 09:49

BaaBaaBlackSheepOfTheFam · 06/03/2024 15:59

Jesus, no wonder you're all having to join meetup groups to find friends if this is the way you all act, not surprised you don't have many friends in real life! All this teenage drama!

That's a bit unkind

There are lots of reasons people use meet up groups

InterIgnis · 07/03/2024 09:53

Do some people just never meet up one-on-one with a friend then? Is it the case that if you introduce someone, you must be present at any subsequent meeting? They can’t hit it off and spend time just the two of them ever?

Seems a bit weird.