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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

2 friends I introduced go out without inviting me

109 replies

BrandySnaps1 · 06/03/2024 12:41

I had a friend. We will call her Michelle. Met her in an local online meet up group during covid. I have another friend called Kelly who I met a few months later from the same group and introduced the 2 of them. We all started meeting up regularly, even going on holiday. Before this a few times I noticed Michelle and Kelly would post about going out for a drink and not ask me. They lived right near eachother so I didnt think too much of it. Cut a long story short Kelly and I stopped talking to Michelle after some questionable behaviour.

Kelly and I kept in contact and she is fun, lively and outgoing. I then introduced her to another new friend, lets call her Beyonce. Beyonce is kind, gentle, caring, very zen and relaxed. Kelly took to her immediately and made a bee line for her. Taking her number from the group whatsapp and the two of them started to do a lot without me. Its now to the point Kelly and i hardly speak, but I meet up with Beyonce regularly. Beyonce mentions Kelly in passing and I find out the 2 of them have gone on double dates with their partners. Kelly seems to have intentionally done this as i witnessed before. I also made a few petty, comments about not wanting to crash a dinner they invited me too because I was salty.

While there has been no actual conflict between Kelly and I, i included her in my life a lot, introducing her to new ppl and never organising things without her. But here she seems to have taken to Beyonce and disregarded me which hurts as i feel left out, and also abit jealous as i introduced the two of them.

I try not to mention Kelly too much when I see Beyonce, but we are all attending Beyonces wedding in a few months and Im dreading to see Kelly. Where does she get off using me and stealing my friends? Yes i know i sound like a child but I need to vent. I know we cant get possessive over people but i think this is just Kellys character. i feel used and now kicked to the sideline.

OP posts:
BrandySnaps1 · 07/03/2024 10:27

Everythinggreen · 07/03/2024 09:32

She hasn't stolen "Beyonce" though because you're still friends and still meet up with her. She's also become friends with her.

The thing to get annoyed about is being dropped by "Kelly" if she doesn't see you, but that doesn't seem to be your issue. Your issue is that you don't want "Kelly" to be friends with "Beyonce" unless you have a pivotal role in that.

Have you asked "Beyonce" to have double dates with you? Sometimes we have different kinds of friendships with different people. Perhaps "Kelly" has picked up on your disdain for her, especially as it's a new friendship.

Are you Farrah in this?

The funny thing is Beyoncé asked me and me and dh wanted to triple date with her and Kelly and I said no. I didn’t want to see Kelly .. yes I know, I’m childish. Deep down I don’t like Kelly and I resent that she is now friends with a really nice friend of mine. As some PPs have said I can’t own people but she exhibited a lot of using behaviours. As soon as she got a bf she fell quite off the radar and didn’t mention she was with someone until months down the line

OP posts:
BrandySnaps1 · 07/03/2024 10:29

Jamesblema · 07/03/2024 09:23

I loved your use of the destiny’s child names (sneakily introducing Beyoncé halfway through so we wouldn’t clock until then). I would like to be your friend and I can promise that I wouldn’t steal any other friends.

Honestly not to blow my own trumpet but I think I’m quite hilarious so I’m surprised Kelly doesn’t see my good qualities

this is a joke people. Don’t come for me please .. trying to lighten the situation where I’ve been used (again, the use of USED is also a joke)

OP posts:
Islandgirl68 · 07/03/2024 10:43

It's not nice to be excluded and used, some women are just not nice. They are not worth your time or energy. Much better to have a few good friends.

MyBreezyPombear · 07/03/2024 10:44

So Beyonce asked if you wanted to do a triple date but you said no because you don't like Kelly and now you're surprised they aren't inviting you when they're out together?

StopTheBusINeedAWeeWeeAWeeWeeBagOChips · 07/03/2024 10:48

BrandySnaps1 · 07/03/2024 10:27

The funny thing is Beyoncé asked me and me and dh wanted to triple date with her and Kelly and I said no. I didn’t want to see Kelly .. yes I know, I’m childish. Deep down I don’t like Kelly and I resent that she is now friends with a really nice friend of mine. As some PPs have said I can’t own people but she exhibited a lot of using behaviours. As soon as she got a bf she fell quite off the radar and didn’t mention she was with someone until months down the line

I actually think you're the problematic one here.

SkaneTos · 07/03/2024 11:07

@BrandySnaps1
I can understand that you feel a bit upset about the situation, but try not to dwell on it.
Feel the feelings. Then move on.
Some people just click and get on really well.
You still seem to have a very active social life!
And I'm sure many people click with you, and prefer you over others.

(I appreciate the Destiny's Child-reference!)

Everythinggreen · 07/03/2024 11:14

With these updates, definitely giving Farrah vibes 😂

TerrysCIockworkOrange · 07/03/2024 11:14

I get the feeling that You may be the issue, at least with regards to Kelly. Maybe think about working on your self esteem and jealousy, before you lose any more friends

WandaWonder · 07/03/2024 11:16

They are not puppets you own and play with

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 07/03/2024 11:35

I've posted this before on other threads

FGS, if someone does not want to be your chum, you can't force them.

Self-respect goes a long way, just move on OP and I mean that in a nice way. It hurts but you could have easily been the other person. You seem really nice and I'm sure you will meet another friend that really wants to be your best friend.

Good luck.

ForTonightGodisaDJ · 07/03/2024 11:41

I don't think Kelly was ready for this jelly.

Clarefromwork · 07/03/2024 12:00

Maybe your Becky

pootlin · 07/03/2024 12:27

BrandySnaps1 · 07/03/2024 10:27

The funny thing is Beyoncé asked me and me and dh wanted to triple date with her and Kelly and I said no. I didn’t want to see Kelly .. yes I know, I’m childish. Deep down I don’t like Kelly and I resent that she is now friends with a really nice friend of mine. As some PPs have said I can’t own people but she exhibited a lot of using behaviours. As soon as she got a bf she fell quite off the radar and didn’t mention she was with someone until months down the line

Look, you saw off Michelle, and you will see off Kelly the bug-a-boo.

Just keep being an independent woman and you will be a survivor

Brawcolli · 07/03/2024 12:33

BaaBaaBlackSheepOfTheFam · 06/03/2024 18:11

I think it's sad, but each to their own.

it’s literally just a different way to meet people, what’s sad about it?

MorningSunshineSparkles · 07/03/2024 12:38

So you actually are invited to the meet ups but you said no because you were feeling… salty? Perhaps that is your problem, you come across as possessive and jealous and therefore people don’t want to be your friends.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/03/2024 12:42

WandaWonder · 07/03/2024 11:16

They are not puppets you own and play with

Actually that's a really good comment. I think I could've done with hearing this in the past, especially when friends have dropped me for boyfriends. One friend, no, her behaviour was appalling in that respect.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/03/2024 12:43

Brawcolli · 07/03/2024 12:33

it’s literally just a different way to meet people, what’s sad about it?

Meet up type things can work really well - I met my 3 best friends this way, not via meet up by via a similar way.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/03/2024 12:44

Clarefromwork · 07/03/2024 12:00

Maybe your Becky

Becky with the good hair?! Sorry couldn't resist. Grin

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/03/2024 12:44

ForTonightGodisaDJ · 07/03/2024 11:41

I don't think Kelly was ready for this jelly.

dying with laughter!😂

purplemonkey12 · 07/03/2024 12:51

I'm dying to know what your "few petty comments" were

SuffocatingSilence · 07/03/2024 12:58

This happened to my 17y daughter. Her best friend went off with a friend she had introduced her to. Properly broke her heart. She was devastated and lost her faith in people. I said all the right things, including that you cannot force friendships or steal friends. But it was heartbreaking to see her so sad and dejected.

Symphony830 · 07/03/2024 12:58

BrandySnaps1 · 06/03/2024 13:11

Im off to find this thread!

Kelly doesnt introduce anyone to her friends i might add!

Kelly probably doesn’t have her own friends!

Ive known people like this and they seem to ‘go through’ people very quickly. The friendship equivalent to love bombing.

I think there are unspoken rules when it comes to friendships. Sure, we don’t own people, but it’s a two-way thing is friendship.

RatatouillePie · 07/03/2024 13:03

BrandySnaps1 · 07/03/2024 10:27

The funny thing is Beyoncé asked me and me and dh wanted to triple date with her and Kelly and I said no. I didn’t want to see Kelly .. yes I know, I’m childish. Deep down I don’t like Kelly and I resent that she is now friends with a really nice friend of mine. As some PPs have said I can’t own people but she exhibited a lot of using behaviours. As soon as she got a bf she fell quite off the radar and didn’t mention she was with someone until months down the line

Then you cut off your own nose to spite your face!

Seriously?!? You are all grown ups and can hang out with whom you want. If Kelly wants to hang out with Beyonce because they get on well then that's fine.

Do you always invite Kelly when you hang out with Beyonce?

My friends have other friends. Sometimes we all meet up together. Sometimes we do stuff with just a couple of us.

This isn't primary school with competition over play dates!

FluffyFlufferson · 07/03/2024 13:03

I don’t think this is ‘Wendying’. This is just 2 people who get on better with each other than with you. Wendying would be if Kelly pushed you out of an entire group

Everythinggreen · 07/03/2024 13:42

OP just remember, after all of this darkness and sadness, soon comes happiness, if you surround yourself with positive things, you'll gain prosperity. You're a survivor!