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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

2 friends I introduced go out without inviting me

109 replies

BrandySnaps1 · 06/03/2024 12:41

I had a friend. We will call her Michelle. Met her in an local online meet up group during covid. I have another friend called Kelly who I met a few months later from the same group and introduced the 2 of them. We all started meeting up regularly, even going on holiday. Before this a few times I noticed Michelle and Kelly would post about going out for a drink and not ask me. They lived right near eachother so I didnt think too much of it. Cut a long story short Kelly and I stopped talking to Michelle after some questionable behaviour.

Kelly and I kept in contact and she is fun, lively and outgoing. I then introduced her to another new friend, lets call her Beyonce. Beyonce is kind, gentle, caring, very zen and relaxed. Kelly took to her immediately and made a bee line for her. Taking her number from the group whatsapp and the two of them started to do a lot without me. Its now to the point Kelly and i hardly speak, but I meet up with Beyonce regularly. Beyonce mentions Kelly in passing and I find out the 2 of them have gone on double dates with their partners. Kelly seems to have intentionally done this as i witnessed before. I also made a few petty, comments about not wanting to crash a dinner they invited me too because I was salty.

While there has been no actual conflict between Kelly and I, i included her in my life a lot, introducing her to new ppl and never organising things without her. But here she seems to have taken to Beyonce and disregarded me which hurts as i feel left out, and also abit jealous as i introduced the two of them.

I try not to mention Kelly too much when I see Beyonce, but we are all attending Beyonces wedding in a few months and Im dreading to see Kelly. Where does she get off using me and stealing my friends? Yes i know i sound like a child but I need to vent. I know we cant get possessive over people but i think this is just Kellys character. i feel used and now kicked to the sideline.

OP posts:
MaryMary6589 · 06/03/2024 15:25

You're all Independent Women, don't let it bother you and get on with living your own life!

BaaBaaBlackSheepOfTheFam · 06/03/2024 15:59

Jesus, no wonder you're all having to join meetup groups to find friends if this is the way you all act, not surprised you don't have many friends in real life! All this teenage drama!

twingiraffes · 06/03/2024 16:16

Loads of people meet one another via mutual friends / friendship groups and go on to become close friends with one another. Nothing wrong in it at all.

If Anne is friends with Jane and also friends with Mary, she might introduce them to one another. Does that mean that Jane and Mary are not allowed to become friends with one another, and can only ever go out if Anne comes too?

BeLemonFish · 06/03/2024 17:23

Are you 12?

BrandySnaps1 · 06/03/2024 17:38

BaaBaaBlackSheepOfTheFam · 06/03/2024 15:59

Jesus, no wonder you're all having to join meetup groups to find friends if this is the way you all act, not surprised you don't have many friends in real life! All this teenage drama!

Bit rude as loads of ppl meet online, friends and partners, especially younger millenials. friends move away, covid, remote working , its nice to meet new ppl

OP posts:
WhateverMate · 06/03/2024 17:46

BrandySnaps1 · 06/03/2024 17:38

Bit rude as loads of ppl meet online, friends and partners, especially younger millenials. friends move away, covid, remote working , its nice to meet new ppl

That poster may have sounded rude but I agree with them.

Friendships naturally form between humans and simply introducing two people, does not mean you get to control them or their friendships.

No matter how much you widen your friendship circle, this will always naturally happen.

TheWayBackHome · 06/03/2024 17:54

It's hurtful but you can't police who sees who. We introduced friends (from different cities), they got on well and now the friends who live in the other city come to our city to visit our other friends and don't bother visiting us at all.

Sometimes you have to just cut your losses and move on.

LITLINAWIS · 06/03/2024 17:55

You need to let this one go, but don’t introduce Kelly to anymore of your friends.

Testina · 06/03/2024 18:01

They are a better fit with each other than they are with you, that’s all. I’ve been on the receiving end of it, and also ended up in the “two” with the third having the arse over us daring to talk.

“ I also made a few petty, comments about not wanting to crash a dinner they invited me too because I was salty.” <<< this was just silly.

Testina · 06/03/2024 18:05

As you have cast Kelly in the role of friend-stealing-bee-atch, I’d love to hear Michelle’s version.

Michelle’s “questionable behaviour” - did you really have an issue with it? You were friendly enough with Michelle before Kelly to go on holiday with her and want to introduce her to Kelly. So would Michelle’s version be that you ditched her because you were weak-arsed as Beyoncé and just did whatever friend stealer Kelly told you to do?

BaaBaaBlackSheepOfTheFam · 06/03/2024 18:11

BrandySnaps1 · 06/03/2024 17:38

Bit rude as loads of ppl meet online, friends and partners, especially younger millenials. friends move away, covid, remote working , its nice to meet new ppl

I think it's sad, but each to their own.

Coconutter24 · 06/03/2024 18:32

My primary school aged daughter has a friend that sounds just like you, she gets upset if my DD plays with anyone else or sees them after school for a play date. I usually tell my DD to tell her friend that people are allowed more than one friend…..

Humptydumptybounced · 06/03/2024 18:39

KrisAkabusi · 06/03/2024 13:03

Where does she get off using me and stealing my friends?

That's just pathetic. You don't own people and you can't possess them for your exclusive use. People can make friends with whoever they want.

This ^

I'm sorry OP, I know it stings, but you can't 'own' people.

WafflesOrIceCream · 06/03/2024 18:46

This is what my DD's friend has done to her.They are in secondary school.She said who ever she makes friends with, her other friend will come and take that friend away then gets bored with them.
Rise above it OP and keep your circle small.Best way.

britneyisfree · 06/03/2024 18:52

I appreciate the names so I won't say that you sound like a 4 year old 😅

britneyisfree · 06/03/2024 18:52

Waiting for Lativia and Latoya to come along....

Ghentsummer · 06/03/2024 19:41

Maybe they are just fed up with your childish behaviour? Making bitchy comments to them when they invited you to dinner was pretty dumb.

Magnastorm · 06/03/2024 19:53

You don't get to choose who other people spend their time with.

Dominoeffecter · 06/03/2024 19:56

littlebirdieblu · 06/03/2024 13:23

Oooo are they all in a group called Destiny's Child Smile

Exactly what I came to say

Makeupbrush · 06/03/2024 20:53

I can’t believe you made friends with destiny’s child and no one is commenting on this ?

Islandgirl68 · 07/03/2024 07:21

She sounds like some one that likes undivided attention. She does not like other people having attention. So only like one to ones. I would just avoid her.

waterlellon · 07/03/2024 07:23

Can't get over the destiny's child names sorry

Underestimated4 · 07/03/2024 07:27

I had a friend like this, anyone I was friends with she wanted to be best mates with but to the point she’d go behind my back. Even friends of mine she told me she hated. It became a bit weird, believe me wasn’t in a friendly way. I think she was always jealous of me is the truth. As time went on she became more and more toxic in her behaviour. Trying to trouble cause with boyfriends. Picking at my vulnerablitis and weaknesses. She only wanted to know me when I was unhappy, seemed whenever I had a boyfriend where I always have time for friends she would vanish until she knew k was single - shed never had a boyfriend.
Ive since grown close to a mutual friend who is no longer friends with her, seems we had the same experience with her. Very toxic.
Im sure she had histrionic personality disorder when I look back. So glad she’s gone: not missed at all.

OldChinaJug · 07/03/2024 07:27

This is a situation I have to deal with oat school every day.

Sometimes people want to play with other people.

It doesn't mean they're not your friend anymore but they are allowed to play with who they want.

And sometimes (although I don't say this to the children) they just like the other person more.

Daylightsavingscrime · 07/03/2024 07:34

I’m not sure you’ve been Wendied tbh. It doesn’t sound like Kelly is causing trouble between you and the other friends.

No-one likes to feel left out so I understand how you feel but it’s a bit silly to introduce people and then get annoyed when they actually like each other. If you’re insecure then maybe stop introducing people.