To not let my nearly 12 year old have all the social media apps

[Lightsideofthemoon]

My DD is 12 next month and has been going on and on and on and on and on about Snapchat, insta and tik tok. I have said no up to now and said she can have one when she is 12 and not tik tok. She is CONSTANTLY nagging about it and saying how strict we are (we aren’t) and actually behaving like a brat - I lost it earlier after she had spent an hour moaning about it and called her spoilt 😬 I feel really bad and will apologise but it was an hour of solid moaning about how unfair her life is that pushed me over the edge.

AARRRGGHH! I hate social media! Am I being overly strict?

I feel really bad and will apologise

No, don't apologise. Tell her any more moaning and whingeing and she'll be lucky to keep her phone, never mind having any social media apps.

And if you do let her have any social media, tell her it will be on condition you can check her phone at any time.

I expect there will be teachers coming on the thread to say how much of their time is taken up dealing with social media related problems, up to and including major safeguarding issues or even police involvement.

I expect there will be teachers coming on the thread to say how much of their time is taken up dealing with social media related problems, up to and including major safeguarding issues or even police involvement.

Absolutely. Snapchat is the tool of the devil. I can tell you that we've had Y8s confronted by a masturbating middle aged man on Snapchat if that makes you feel better about your decision. I'm assuming you don't want her seeing that.

Stick to your guns and any more pestering should have consequences. Don't apologise at all for wanting to keep your child away from potential bullying and other dangers.

Stick to your guns OP. It's nothing but trouble and exposes children to all sorts. Someone at my ds school shared compromising pics of one of the girls on snap chat and she attempted suicide. This is year 8, so 12 and 13 year olds. My Ds only has whatsapp.

I wouldn’t apologise in this case and I’m a big believer in parents apologising when they genuinely have got a situation wrong.

My 12 year old has no social media apps at all and won’t be getting them any time soon. She knows my reasons, I often share articles with her which look at the negative impact of social media on girls’ wellbeing.

Take the phone off her - surely you can’t let her off without punishment for going on about something so daft for an hour?
It’s probably a lack of punishment that’s led her to think it’s acceptable to go on like that - make it clear that if there’s any moaning, the phone goes for 24 hours. No exceptions.

Stick to your guns. DD 12 isn't allowed snapchat/tik tok etc and I'm sticking with the ban.
She has only got an old Samsung even though iPhone has been on her Xmas list for 2 years.

Why would you apologise? If she was moaning for an hour then she was being a brat and should be told as such.

YANBU to keep her from social media for as long as possible.

I let DD have Instagram at 12 but checked her messages on it/feed everyday.

TikTok and Snapchat were both banned until she'd finished her GCSEs last year and I would check her phone daily in case she'd downloaded them illicitly. I found them a couple of times and told her if I found them again she'd be losing her phone full stop. Never found them again.

She has since downloaded them after getting stellar GCSE grades. I still loathe them and wish she'd get rid of them. Her motivation is lower since having them.

I'm doing the same with DS (also nearly 12) but he's not even asked for any social media yet and barely goes on his phone.

Stick to your guns OP. Those apps are the devil's work

Dd1 is 13, only has WhatsApp and that's how it will be staying for a while.

Dd would have lost access to her phone for the rest of the week, besides for school reasons if she behaved like that.

Stick to your guns. Mine are 12 and 13. They don't have any of these and only have a phone on the condition that they have parental control on and that I know their passcode. I look at their WhatsApp very occasionally and they accept that. Show her this thread and she'll soon realise that not everyone her age has these apps

My 12 and 15 year old are not aloud any social media. It's no good for adults mental health let alone kids .

Stick to it! She’s way too young and those apps are cesspits!

Stay strong. Keep her off it for as long as possible.

Well done for standing your ground on this. There's no reason for a 12 year old to be on social media and too much potential harm. You're just doing your job by protecting her from risks she doesn't understand. And also teaching her that whining and moaning won't get you anywhere!

Show her this https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/feb/17/how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-social-media-annalisa-barbieri?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

I’m currently debating Snapchat for my 13 yo DS. I think I’ll download it first - not sure I know anyone on it as I’m so old 😂

Snapchat is the very last thing I’ll allow my Dd12, it’s awful - can’t see what’s been going on easily and kids can contact and be contacted by randoms, it’s a groomers paradise.

My DH doesn't do social media of any kind, and I really hope my kids follow suit (wishful thinking). I think kids and SM is a recipe for disaster.

Thanks everyone - it’s scary how bad the peer pressure is! I really just want her to stick to WhatsApp and that’s it!

My dd is 12 and she only has WhatsApp. There has been lots of problems and bullying via those apps in her year and my daughter is happy that she doesn’t have them and is not exposed to it.
I wouldn’t apologise to your daughter and would warn her if she carries on complaining that she will loose her phone altogether! Year 7 is hard, I remember my dd begging for these apps but I stood firm. I’m so glad now after all the trouble.

You are a hero.👏
It's much easier to give in then stand for ground.

Stick to your guns. I'd have held out longer if it hadn't been for lockdowns. There are practically no genuine benefits to that stuff. It's a complete waste of life and leads to more FOMO than when they haven't got all the apps.
Good luck. I know how awful it is to try to stand your ground when they're saying they're missing out.

How sick are some people. Why don't they go and get help.

Please please stick to your guns. Do not let her have Snap Chat. It is so dangerous. My nearly 14 year old is not allowed it ever!!!

Even though WhatsApp is 16+ and one of the worst for bullying?