To Ask Them To Be Considerate and Quiet?

[Charliesunnysky10]

My son is 19 and works nights and earlies. He never complains about the shift work but is struggling to get to sleep and stay asleep with the noise generated by our household. What’s worse, both he and I have appealed to DH & DD who is 16 to be considerate, and I feel like they are making no effort to be quieter/stop putting landing lights on etc. I feel like they're being selfish and bratty at times.

He pays £350 per month and I think he deserves a bit of consideration. It’s a 3-storey terrace (loft conversion as we couldn't afford to move to a bigger place) and DD is on the top floor, which would be better for him, but it’s too late to switch everything around now - she needs the bigger room as she often has a friend to stay over as her school's not local.

He’s on the middle floor and both DD & DH are coming up the creaky stairs throughout the evening, when he’s gone to bed at 8pm for a 4am start. Even in the day, when he’s come off nights he can’t have any peace, as DH works 4 on/4 off, and will wake him having a shower (the tapping of the water pipes goes on for hours) or clattering away in the kitchen (which is under DS’s room) during the daytime. A friend suggested going out more, but that doesn't really work as DD needs to be revising for GCSE's at home, and we can't afford to eat out often. We'd wake him coming back home later anyway.

It’s making me angry and frustrated seeing him so tired, and when I remind DH & DS to fit noisy tasks like unpacking the dishwasher or showering round when DS is up, they say things like ‘we’re prisoners in our own home’ and ‘he should get a day job like everyone else’. He has tried unsuccessfully, and to be honest everything else about his job he likes – the team are nice and it’s very local. I feel so sorry because he’s just a touch above NMW and has no hope of moving to his own place; another room in a shared house would be no better either.

What can I do to help? It's causing a real rift. Even the cat is against him getting sleep - he has to shut her on the ground floor and if if she escapes upstairs she zooms round, and scrats on his door.

These earplugs work really well if he squashes them up before putting them in his ears:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/EAR-Classic-50-pairs-packed-defenders/dp/B01NBU2R5N/ref=asc_df_B01NBU2R5N/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=218062062196&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=3197138220786349506&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9045999&hvtargid=pla-613456471392&psc=1&mcid=f3e86ab57b6535d985136394c887a612

I would start by getting him some loop quiet ear plugs and see if that helps. I find them really good and they block out most of DHs snoring!

In this situation I would swap the bedrooms, I work nights and need my sleep and during that time my partner comes home from work the kids from school (teens) and I use headphones and they seem to work but yeah I bet the lad is shattered

❤️xx❤️ we all depend on people like you charliesunnysky10.

White noise on Spotify. I can highly recommend

@TheBossOfMe Ordered! Thank you.

@Allmarbleslost I also got the loop ones too - thank you.

Swap rooms
Get a plumber to sort the noise on the water pipes.

As others have said he needs to swap rooms asap. Your dh and dd sound absolutely awful.

As an aside £350 a month and he's on minimum wage? Seems a bit steep. Yes I know he couldn't get it for that if renting privately, but he isn't he's living at home.

@MarieChantal1 Thank you. I've asked him to take the Echo Dot in his room and get Alexa to play white noise on loop.

Get....them...to....swap.... rooms...

Another vote for swapping rooms.

Agree swapping rooms is the best option. Sleep is a basic need. Room for a friend is a luxury.

You still haven't addressed the fact that nearly every poster has said he needs to swap rooms with his sister. This ultimately is the only way to give him the change of a proper sleep. I really feel quite irritated by this having just finished my latest run of nights. I can't imagine functioning with minimal broken sleep but luckily I have a bedroom on the top floor away from my noisy children. Pity your son isn't being given the same!

Because OP will just say "DD won't swap rooms" as if the DD has final say ...

Sod the sleepovers, let them swap rooms. Otherwise it's fan, earplugs and a blackout blind that can go in front of the door to prevent the landing light causing an issue.

I guess the alternative is he gets a different job.

Seems so obvious to swap rooms

Theres a lot going on here.

If he cant afford to move out, he needs to look for a different job or more hours. Its unsustainable to have a 19 year old living with you forever.

If the household agrees that he should.live at home then there needs to be greater respect for him. Lord knows your DH would demand it if he was working nights. His attitude is lazy and DD is picking up on it and thinks she can treat him the same way.

Perhaps DS can do the noisier tasks when he gets home as he will need time to unwind anyway.

DS needs to be on top floor. DD needs to be told that if she keeps showing a lack of regard for DS then she wont have sleepovers. Perhaps encourage her to alternate between hosting and going elsewhere.

^^ This.

He needs your daughter's room - tough luck if she doesn't like that. There should be a thick carpet in his room, too.

I can’t believe you are so annoying yes at everyday normal household noises whilst simultaneously saying that a school child needs the top floor bigger room so her friends can sleep over. Talk about creating your own problems! How is the solution not obvious to you? 🙂

I would be telling your DD that either she makes more effort to be quieter or she will HAVE to swap rooms.

Room swap is the best option

Can he get earplugs then use a smart watch that vibrates as an alarm?

He is paying rent. He should have the appropriate room for his needs. Your dd sounds very spoilt and inconsiderate. As for DH. Well, no words really.

she needs the bigger room as she often has a friend to stay over as her school's not local.

Sleepovers are not a need. She can see her friends at school, or stay over with them. Agree with everyone else who says that the best option is a room swap.