Is she being too precious? (Child’s teeth)

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I have a friend, we have children of a similar age (7), her child has autism and requires a bit more help from her whereas mine doesn’t and is pretty independent.

I have noticed that she is very OTT regarding her child’s dental routine - she still helps her child to brush their teeth, I asked her about this as mine as been doing it independently for years now, and she said it’s to ensure that the backs of the teeth are brushed properly etc. She also only really offers water or milk for her child to drink, only the occasional juice and once in a blue moon a soft pop drink. She also doesn’t allow a lot of sweets which I’m also the same so I agree with that part. She also flosses the ‘adult teeth’ which I find utterly bizarre.

She will also make a big deal if they’ve been to the dentist, almost bragging, especially when the dentist said that her child’s teeth was “the best they’ve seen in a while” and “in perfect condition”. I know that her mum was pretty neglectful in terms of teaching them to brush properly when she was younger and as a result she’s had a lot of dental issues and confidence issues, so she just says she doesn’t want her daughter going through the same thing…

Is this pretty normal behaviour? I mean obviously I care about my child’s teeth but I’m not obsessive like this…

She is clearly proud of herself for breaking the cycle and doing for her kids what wasn't done for her. Yes it can be a bit ott when that's the case, because there is deep rooted sensitivity there from when she was a child and not being cared for properly.

I always make sure my kids are at school on time, have their homework and backpacks, and are nicely dressed. I probably care more than others but this was not the case for me growing up so it's extra important to me, and I feel relieved/proud that my children don't go through what I did.

My husband just spent £1k at the dentist this morning because he didnt care for his gums properly when younger. Your friend's approach is eminently sensible!

I think your friend is smart

No it isn’t. My DS2(16) only drinks still water and milk. He has no interest at all in fizzy drinks or juice. He has misaligned teeth but absolutely no fillings. His dentist praises him to the hilt.

I let DS1 have coke at far too young an age when his cousins were allowed it. I have regretted that and decided not to make the same mistake twice.

DS2 does have biscuits, but not really sweets. And the big culprit is fizz and juice coating teeth in sugar.

I supervised tooth brushing until 9/10 because they basically don’t do it properly on their own.

I thought you were supposed to brush a child’s teeth until aged 8 anyway. We brushed DD’s teeth till 7 and a half ish and still supervise her now aged 9 (tho I don’t always stay in the bathroom for the full 2 minutes, I pop in and out a couple of times)

This is very pertinent. She knows she might find her DD struggles with the sensory aspects of further dental treatment, so she is making sure her DD's routine of dental care is as good as they can manage. This is to be lauded, not eye rolled at.

My DS (15) is also autistic and has been referred by our dentist for x-rays to check out a potential cavity in a back tooth. The dentist spoke of the probability of having to give DS gas and air in order for the procedures to be carried out (although I have my doubts about that being feasible, he's very twitchy about medical treatments) as they anticipate problems because of the autism.

You're fortunate that all this is not likely to be a problem for you and your child, so perhaps being a bit more tolerant of another parent's methods of raising their child to minimise this sort of stress wouldn't go amiss.

This sounds absolutely normal. Like not even "a tad on the strict side", just plain old normal.

My friend is a dentist, and the number of children she sees with rotting teeth is horrific, and drinking juice and fizzy pop is one of the big reasons for it. Water and milk should be children's main drink. No one needs juice and pop every bloody day.

I sounds pretty normal to me tbh!

My kids don’t drink anything else apart from water or milk either 🤷🏻‍♀️ this is the thing I most agree with. Not sure I’d be flossing already but probably should!

I know that her mum was pretty neglectful in terms of teaching them to brush properly when she was younger and as a result she’s had a lot of dental issues and confidence issues

I mean, come on, there's your answer. I really, really wish my parents had done that for me. She sounds like a great mum.

Good for her, apart from the bragging. Kids don't need soft drinks or sweet treats, only on special occasions.

When I was a child, my dentist said paretns should brush until age 11, now DS's dentist says age 10. 2 friends said similar. A third friend and fourth friend n the converaation each said their dentist had never said anything about it. Grss which kids have dental issues!

All of these sound like great habits. I had horrible teeth, and was skeptical of a friend who was obsessive in my teens. Now, I wish that I had grown up with my parents caring that much about mine. Also, flossing should be essential. Not doing it is like showering without washing your underarms. I discovered this later in life, and since starting it my dental woes have been significantly lessened.

Also, you can clean the outside of a car battery with diet coke... while one every now and again is ok, just think what the fizzy drinks do to teeth if consumed regularly. The mum in question might mention her habits a bit, but what she is doing for her child is really great.

Are you my mum? 🤣

I dont floss my childrens teeth ( perhaps I should? ) but they have absolutely perfect teeth and I help my DS brush his teeth so the back is cleaned properly.

I also brag when we come back from the dentist as he always compliments their teeth 😅

I've neglected mine the past year or so due to many reasons, it brings me great joy seeing my children have lovely teeth and lovely smiles

Loads of kids round here have bad teeth cause their parents arnt bothered. I know a child with black baby teeth because their mum refuses to make them brush their teeth

My mum was like that. I have very good teeth to thank for that. I have 4 fillings, 2 because I vomited when brushing while pregnant so basically didn't have clean teeth for 8 months straight. I'm almost 45.

I'm so thankful for that. I wish more parents took their childrens dental hygiene so seriously. It saves a lot of money too.

Sounds good to me. We still brush our 6 year olds teeth most days, even though they are capable of doing it themselves. But we do a much better job, and this was advised by the dentist up to age 7 or 8. And we only give water to drink as standard, the odd fruit shoot, rarely fizzy drinks (I think they’ve only ever had them once on holiday!). Teeth are important, my kids will thank me when they’re older!

My mum was like this, also because of dreadful dental neglect when she was growing up. I am very thankful for this as I still have no fillings and my next big birthday will be 4-0. It really is something she got absolutely right about parenting.

I don’t think it sounds obsessive at all. Sounds like good parenting to me.

Perhaps if more parents were like this, kids wouldn’t have rotting teeth and future dental issues.

My parents, as brilliant as they’ve always been, let us brush our teeth ourselves from a youngish age, thinking they were doing the right thing, (in reality we were not doing it properly & we ended up with some cavities in our back teeth that needed fillings)

My dd is 4 and we brush her teeth for her and will continue till she’s 8/9. She has never had a sweet or drank a soft drink (we’ve never offered and she’s never asked) but she does like chocolate and ice cream. We advise her about what happens if we eat too much sugar. I think it’s important not to sugar coat things like that. Excuse the pun.

Your friends parenting should be seen as standard. Good for her 👌

My dentist told us to continue brushing my sons teeth till high school if he will let me - let him have a go and then do them myself to make sure no missed spots.

I don't understand why you would be judging this woman for trying to do the best for her child. Given the state of dentistry at the moment and the huge numbers of children with tooth decay I'd say many more parents should take a leaf from her book.

I'm curious why you would feel it is odd to floss the childs adult teeth? At what age does it become acceptable to floss them then?

I don’t think I’ve ever discussed it with my friends and would probably think it weird to do so. There’s a bit of moaning about orthodontist appointments and the hassle of taking time off work but that’s about it. We supervise the youngest at brushing her teeth and have done for a while - she’s done her own since she could prove she was doing them properly. (Disclosing tablets are a wonderful thing - I can definitely recommend but gruesome!)

Children are supposed to have supervised brushing until about 8 I seem to remember.

Your friend is smart to make an effort to look after her DC’s teeth.

My DS(9) has just had a check up and the dentist said his teeth are fine and still no fillings needed. He has sweets sometimes but only drinks water, milk and weak squash occasionally. He never has soft drinks or juices - they are awful for teeth and can contribute to childhood obesity (according to what I’ve read anyway). There is no need for children to be drinking sugary crap.

Sounds sensible. How olds the child? My dd is 8 and I still brush her teeth. She also has asd.

I think she's trying to ensure her child doesn't suffer as she did.

I burst my 6 year old teeth.. not all the time but usually once a day and he does the other time. He can do it, but definitely not as thoroughly as it should be. He definitely eats too many sweets though 😬