Is she being too precious? (Child’s teeth)

[IcedCoffee6383]

I have a friend, we have children of a similar age (7), her child has autism and requires a bit more help from her whereas mine doesn’t and is pretty independent.

I have noticed that she is very OTT regarding her child’s dental routine - she still helps her child to brush their teeth, I asked her about this as mine as been doing it independently for years now, and she said it’s to ensure that the backs of the teeth are brushed properly etc. She also only really offers water or milk for her child to drink, only the occasional juice and once in a blue moon a soft pop drink. She also doesn’t allow a lot of sweets which I’m also the same so I agree with that part. She also flosses the ‘adult teeth’ which I find utterly bizarre.

She will also make a big deal if they’ve been to the dentist, almost bragging, especially when the dentist said that her child’s teeth was “the best they’ve seen in a while” and “in perfect condition”. I know that her mum was pretty neglectful in terms of teaching them to brush properly when she was younger and as a result she’s had a lot of dental issues and confidence issues, so she just says she doesn’t want her daughter going through the same thing…

Is this pretty normal behaviour? I mean obviously I care about my child’s teeth but I’m not obsessive like this…

Your friend is doing great and I try to be like her. Yabu.

her mum will remind her that eating loads of sweet stuff will cause cavities and ruin her teeth… is that creating a complex?

...but that's the truth! If by 'complex' you mean an understanding of the principles of oral health and the motivation to maintain it' then jolly good

just because this woman is an outlier doesn't mean she's not right

You sound like a judgemental friend OP.

also, OP, what you are hearing as 'boasting', if its done in her child's presence may be a sort of indirect praise for the child, she's letting the child know that these habits are effective

She is a good mum and a good role model to other parents too. The amount of parents who endlessly give sweets, chocolate and squash endlessly all day to their 3 year olds is crazy.

I think it sounds pretty normal. I do all of those things apart from the flossing (and bragging 🤣)

I still watch and then brush my 7 year olds teeth for her. She has a go for a couple of minutes and then I take over to make sure they are all clean. Our dentist says this is the correct way to do them. So I listen to the professional.

As for drinks, she will also mainly drink water. She has a squash maybe 10 times a year at the most. She just doesn't like it, and my eldest is the same. I didn't introduce squash until they were 5 though as I don't think children actually need fruit juice or squash or anything other than water really. They both hate fizzy drinks and have only had them once.

@IcedCoffee6383 OP children with neurodivergence can find it very difficult to maintain dental health due to potential issues around eating and cleaning teeth. to the extent that many such children end up getting all their teeth taken out.

also taking an autistic child to the dentist can be waaaay more challenging than neurological children (who can also be challenging). they can need general Anaesthesia or sedation. so understandably your friend is chuffed that her child is managing so well.

I speak from experience anaesthetising autistic children and adults in the dental hospital.

I think you can be more supportive tbh. parenting is hard for everyone, but more so in your friends case. celebrate her little wins with her. and tbh she is right about the juice, one of the main causes of tooth decay. the amount of children having dental clearance for having rotten teeth these days is ridiculous.

If your child is only 7 and has been brushing their own teeth for "years" then I think you've stopped brushing way too early IMO. My dentist said that ideally parents would brush teeth once a day throughout primary school.

I think it's a good thing. My DS is 3 but we've already told him that too many sweets are bad for your health and teeth and remind him if he asks for more sugary treats after already having something sweet. He isn't allowed juice every day, milk and water are his main options. We don't floss his teeth yet.

The only thing I'd worry about is if his diet is too restricted then he may go off the rails when he's older and eat lots of rubbish. A few of my friends have said that this happened to them, so I do try to let my DS eat a small piece of cake, ice cream etc. every other day or so as I don't want junk to feel like a forbidden fruit. I'll continue this way through DS's primary years.

I don't floss my 7yr olds teeth but i do have a pointed brush i use on them to get between gaps and right to the back, i also a few times a week brush for her to ensure they are done properly.
She has limited sweets, once a week ish, she does have a small dessert though after dinner.
Fizzy drinks very rarely and only a small cup.
I read that at their age parents should occasionally brush for them and I'm continuing that as a few of her friends have recently had fillings

I think she's doing a good job , so many kids have dental issues from not cleaning thoroughly. I'm sure when the child gets older they will do this on their own .

This doesn't sound like that big a deal to me. She's seen the effects of bad dental hygiene on her own teeth when she was a child, and she doesn't want to repeat that with her own kids. Given that she does let them have juice or a fizzy drink as an occasional treat, I don't really see the problem. She's certainly being stringent, but I don't think it's obsessive and I don't think it's likely to give her kids a complex. I also don't think flossing is bizarre. They're adult teeth, and adults floss, so why wouldn't a child?

Ex dental nurse- she is right she should be brushing their teeth until 7/8. You sound very judgey. Ive seen thousands of children put to sleep to take out their baby teeth. I wish more people were more like your friend

Yep - you're the neglectful one I'm afraid, not her.

I'm like this, although don't floss the children's teeth as my dentist said they don't need it at this age. I also had terrible teeth at a young age as had very relaxed parents so may be the reason. My dh has perfect teeth, has never needed a single filling, and is a lot more relaxed than me.

I really can’t see which bit of this is excessive?

She's taking good care of their teeth. My 7 year old brushes her teeth independently but I still like to have a once over in the evenings to make sure that they are brushed thoroughly. Still brush my 4 year olds teeth. They probably have more sweets than recommended but mostly just drink water and juice is for special occasions only.

I'm a paediatric dentist. I find your point of view actually quite worrying. Her child is autistic, so may need parental help to brush their teeth forever - so what? All children should have teeth brushed by a parent until at least aged 7. The reason she flosses the adult teeth and is careful about sweets and fizzy drinks is probably because IF the child ever needed dental treatment, this would be traumatic, difficult and may require a general anaesthetic. And also, why not try and PREVENT disease if it is in our control. This is why paediatric dentistry in the UK is a mess, and tooth decay is the number one reason children are admitted to hospital, still! In 2024.

If anything, she is doing what I would expect all parents to do when parenting children, there is nothing that stands out to me as unusual behaviour. A seven year is NOT old enough to say no to sweets, fizzy drinks, and brush their teeth efficiently - especially not an autistic seven year old.

I think you should consider adopting some of her 'complexes'.

That doesn't seem excessive at all, it is just good oral hygeine. My six year old brushes her own mostly but I do it for her a few times a week. My nine year old asks me to brush once a week when she can't be bothered. Six monthly dental check ups too so hopefully anything bad can be picked up before it becomes a problem. I don't see why you wouldn't want to take care of your children's teeth? I only floss when they have food stuck in their teeth that the brush will not dislodge.

All kinds of things cause complexes, including being entirely permissive.

She is doing a great job with oral care and allows the occasional pop / sweet. Sounds balanced to me.

My mum did ours until we were at least 10. Partly just lucky genes I expect but there are three of us and not one of us has ever needed a filling.

I still brush for my two - 9 and 6. I wouldn't personally let them loose on their teeth yet as they definitely aren't responsible enough to do a thorough job. There's plenty of time for that in the years to come.

They have an excellent level of oral hygiene according to their dentist, so I'm more than happy with the way we are doing things. 🤷

If the child has autism it may be one of the things she can control and encourage good habits while she can.

We brush our 7 year olds teeth and floss regularly. 9 year old is supervised in evenings often and flosses. Kids still drink water and milk as there main drinks with diluted juice occasionally (they prefer it diluted now). Sweets and chocs can be plentiful at times (school bday, holidays etc) but we do try to time it at the end of meals if possible.

Some people are luckier with there genetics when it comes to how prone they are to cavities etc and don't have to be quite so careful..my eldest doesn't have the best enamel. I wasn't half as careful as a kid and never had a filling, but now as an adult i'm much more careful and risk averse !

At my toddler's last dental apt 6 months ago, she said the next stage is to start flossing (oh, and teaching to spit the tooth paste out at the end as apparently floride content goes up on the 3+ tubes).

But yes, now we floss every night too at nearly 3 - DC loves it!