Is she being too precious? (Child’s teeth)

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I have a friend, we have children of a similar age (7), her child has autism and requires a bit more help from her whereas mine doesn’t and is pretty independent.

I have noticed that she is very OTT regarding her child’s dental routine - she still helps her child to brush their teeth, I asked her about this as mine as been doing it independently for years now, and she said it’s to ensure that the backs of the teeth are brushed properly etc. She also only really offers water or milk for her child to drink, only the occasional juice and once in a blue moon a soft pop drink. She also doesn’t allow a lot of sweets which I’m also the same so I agree with that part. She also flosses the ‘adult teeth’ which I find utterly bizarre.

She will also make a big deal if they’ve been to the dentist, almost bragging, especially when the dentist said that her child’s teeth was “the best they’ve seen in a while” and “in perfect condition”. I know that her mum was pretty neglectful in terms of teaching them to brush properly when she was younger and as a result she’s had a lot of dental issues and confidence issues, so she just says she doesn’t want her daughter going through the same thing…

Is this pretty normal behaviour? I mean obviously I care about my child’s teeth but I’m not obsessive like this…

Every time I have ever taken my kids to the dentist, this is exactly what they have told us to do. I don't follow it as well as your friend does (my kids eat too many sweets), but I wouldn't be starting a thread implying my friend had some sort of mental problem because she follows the dentist's advice!

Not causing a complex at all. She's pointing out the reality. When her child is older she will have less control but by then the food habits will be there and her child can then think "Ooh sod it. I'll have a mars bar but then I must give my teeth a quick brush after lunch." For example

Our dentist told us that the latest studies say children can't properly brush their own teeth until 12. So that's what we'll be doing, obviously letting them do it too as an extra under supervision.
We only allow milk and water, with absolutely no sweets, raisins or lollipops.
We will also be flossing adult teeth, which will start coming through anytime now.
We are fanatical about booking dental check ups.
My parents didn't give a shit about dental care and I've been left with poor teeth and the need for expensive and painful dental work.
I couldn't care less if any of my so called friends judge me for any of this.

Our dentist said he was still brushing his child's teeth aged 10 because children don't do the back teeth properly. Dentists don't recommend having fizzy drinks at all and other sweet things not too often. I think we all tend towards overcompensating for things that our own parents did badly (I over shop and like to have spares of everything because my Mum was always running out of essentials) but I don't think it sounds particularly damaging in this instance.

It is often more difficult for children and adults with autism to cope with dental treatment so preventative measures are very important.

It's a bit weird to boast about it, because genetics and luck play a big part in dental health. But her ideas don't sound over the top to me. I don't consider myself strict at all but my kids also only have water or milk, and an occasional juice or soft drink. Surely that's normal? Soft drinks aren't normally part of a daily diet for kids. They'd be obese as well as have bad teeth.

My dentist brushes her sons teeth before bed and he's 12!

She sounds like a great parent TBH, not obsessive at all. It's in line with what the NHS suggests.

And honestly, giving young children fizzy pop or lots of fruit juice is pretty crap parenting - it's bad for them, far too sugary/acidic.

Sounds like it's hit a bit of a nerve, do you let your DC have sugary drinks and brush their own teeth unsupervised?

I've a 4, 7 and 9 year old and dentist told me to assist them all to brush. So I think she is being proactive with her child.

I would tell my kids that sweets/crisps/juice etc is not good for their teeth and needs to be limited. I am.by no means very strict about treats either but need to make them aware of the effects.

I'm surprised that at 7 your child has been brushing their teeth independently "for years". Do you mean completely independently, without you keeping an eye?

I'm the same as your friend with drinks.

On flossing, my DD doesn't have an adult teeth, but I suppose flossing them makes sense. If an adult flosses their teeth, why wouldn't you floss a child's adult teeth? What age would you say for flossing?

I have still have to supervise brushing for my teens and tweens. Dentist recommended it as they are missing certain areas (plus they are lazy so do it half-heartedly).

So no I think your friend is right. And I’m amazed your 7 year old has been doing her own teeth for years. At 7 I was still brushing their teeth, especially at bedtime.

No she sounds absolutely right tbh. I will still be supervising teeth brushing at that age and make sure the backs are done well. And she’s spot on with not doing squash/juice/fizzy drinks and limited sweets - terrible for teeth.

Ever thought about minding your own business?
Jesus, the poor woman is just trying to do a better job than her parents did and is feeling proud of herself. As she should. If you can’t be tolerant of a little boast on her part then I would suggest you don’t be around her.

My son is just 7 and has brushed his own teeth for years like my 3 year old but it’s only just now I have backed off on doing an extra check brush for him and that is more to do with rushing and i was thinking I should start again. It’s well known children can’t effectively brush their teeth even if they look like they are; and so many children have dental issues that could be avoided by better brushing and less sweets. If she’s going on about it it could be annoying but I’d try to be understanding that she is trying to do better than her parents and also her child has additional needs that may make this more difficult- you sound maybe too chill about it so there is probably a middle ground

YABU parents should help their children brush their teeth until 8/9 as before then most often don’t have the dexterity to clean properly

One of the biggest ‘oh shit I didn’t know that’ facts from my dentist after taking DD for her first appt

Your children have adult teeth now, they only get one set. This mother is being unusual but it's a pity more are not like that. https://poetryarchive.org/poem/oh-i-wish-id-looked-after-me-teeth/

From the NHS website "Children aged 7 and over should be able to brush their own teeth, but it's still a good idea to watch them to make sure they brush properly and for about 2 minutes."

Not unreasonable to think that if a child needs extra support, a parent may still do most of the brushing at 7yo.

Dentist here.
She is definitely in the right here and should be commended! Children under the age of 8 are not able to brush their teeth properly themselves so ALL parents should be brushing their kids teeth for them twice a day, whether they are autistic or not.
Also if your kids have been brushing themselves for years, this is definitely not a good thing or something that is recommended - you should have been brushing for them.

I remember that poem!! Learned it in school. If only I'd paid attention!!

Doesn't sound excessive to me either.

My kids aged 8 & 10 both do their own teeth but then DH or I both run over them too. DS8 in particular is a lazy bugger and certainly wouldn't do them properly enough. To be fair their brains are young and there's no way he can understand the gravity of not doing them properly.

I also limit shop bought sweets to the weekend only, much to their dismay. Our dentist advised me to do so and it's a simple 'rule' to understand. We sometimes have home made puddings during the week.

Despite this, DS8 got told he's got a hole forming in one of his baby teeth and I'm absolutely gutted and disappointed in myself.

I admire her commitment to child’s dental routine. It is important and will set dc up for life with good teeth

I'm like your friend. I think she's spot on. Sugary drinks are awful , there are more harmless treats so I'm with her on that. And I think she's a fantastic mother for taking such effort over her child's dental routine. I'm sure in part it's because she suffered from dental neglect herself. All makes sense. The only weird thing about the situation is you finding it weird. You're mystified that your friend goes to great lengths to avoid dental issues in her child that she suffered with? Really?? Very odd.

No, it's stating facts and keeping your child healthy.

More people should be obsessed with dental hygiene. It will benefit her child throughout their life

YABVVU. She’s right, you’re wrong. Kids shouldn’t be brushing their own teeth independently until 7 at the earliest. And unless there’s a special occasion or a medical need, kids shouldn’t be having anything other than milk and water regularly with minimal sweets. I’m definitely with her op, you’re not coming across well here.