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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To avoid this restaurant?

121 replies

BobbyBiscuits · 03/03/2024 22:01

Took my mum for a family meal for the first time in a few months. She hadn't been well but felt strong enough to go in a taxi to this restaurant. We've been using this place for large and small group meals for about 7 years.
Everything was nice, we paid the bill and left an extra tip. There were 10 of us and mum was older than the others by 10 years plus.
While we were chatting, the manager interrupted and said to my mum
'how old are you?' she looked embarrassed so I jovially bit firmly said 'you know it's impolite to ask a lady's age.. haha'
I expected him to leave it but instead he responded with..
'oh, it's because my colleague thought you were at least 95' while chuckling.

She was mortified as was I. I said 'why did you say that, it's really rude?'

He mumbled sorry and then went back to his colleagues and burst out laughing.
Moments earlier he was simpering over my male cousin, but did he feel the need to comment on his age? Course not.

Mum is so upset a restaurant manager would come up to her and say this. She has not been out for months and feels her confidence knocked. She looked great and is in her early 80s.

Should we just boycott it? The rest of my family and wider group will still go I think.

Or contact the guy and ask for a proper apology, explaining taking about women's ages is rude again?

Or just forget it and hope he doesn't do it again.

Any opinions valued!

OP posts:
Parentofeanda · 04/03/2024 18:26

no thats actually disgraceful! i would be naming and shaming everywhere and writing in a complaint.

GwinGwyn · 04/03/2024 18:32

That is horrible behaviour, so I would give them a chance to put it right. Contact the manager, explain the situation, and ask how they intend to rectify it. People are far too keen these days to spout everything on review sites, but actually speak to whomever is in charge and give them a chance to address the situation (guessing you didn’t do that on the night as it was too awkward and embarrassing for your mum, and who could blame you, I would be the same). If they don’t address it to your satisfaction then by all means you are welcome to leave a poor review. But the actions of one idiot don’t necessarily mean the restaurant should bear the brunt if they are prepared to sort things out and do what they can to make up for the bad behaviour of this person. Hope your mum is doing alright - this stuff does knock your confidence.

GwinGwyn · 04/03/2024 18:34

Sorry posted in haste and didn’t see it was the manager who did this… have at ‘em.

Oldraver · 04/03/2024 18:39

BobbyBiscuits · 04/03/2024 18:15

@BlueGrey1 he didn't 'look or sound' gay. But it still wouldn't explain it if he was.

Maybe next time I should go up to him in front of his colleagues and say 'oh, are you hetero or gay? Because my mate over there thinks you look camp as a row of Barbie themed rhinestone studded tents'.'

Then explain that it's culturally normal to approach people and speculate on their sexuality. Haha.
I wouldn't really but it is tempting...

Go the tiny cock route.... "Hey my mates have been speculating that you have a tiny todger as you look like the kind"

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 04/03/2024 18:41

I would report it to management and see how they react and then depending on that boycott/post on TripAdvisor.
Dont destroy the restaurant for one bad staff member if management responds well.

PumpkinPie2016 · 04/03/2024 18:57

That's so horrible- your poor mum 😥😥

I would absolutely complain and write a trip advisor review!

When my Nana was still alive but ill with cancer, going out was a big thing and she would have been upset by this!

I'd avoid in future as well - take your lovely mum somewhere where she will be treated nicely!

BirthdayRainbow · 04/03/2024 19:19

Asking her age was bad enough but to then laugh about it is just cruel.

I would be writing a letter of complaint.

Tartantotty · 04/03/2024 19:32

OK. Try to find out the full name of this guy. Also find out who is the owner of the restaurant. Write a formal letter of complaint to the owner, do it quickly. In your letter say that you expect a prompt reply.

Emotionalsupportviper · 04/03/2024 19:32

GwinGwyn · 04/03/2024 18:32

That is horrible behaviour, so I would give them a chance to put it right. Contact the manager, explain the situation, and ask how they intend to rectify it. People are far too keen these days to spout everything on review sites, but actually speak to whomever is in charge and give them a chance to address the situation (guessing you didn’t do that on the night as it was too awkward and embarrassing for your mum, and who could blame you, I would be the same). If they don’t address it to your satisfaction then by all means you are welcome to leave a poor review. But the actions of one idiot don’t necessarily mean the restaurant should bear the brunt if they are prepared to sort things out and do what they can to make up for the bad behaviour of this person. Hope your mum is doing alright - this stuff does knock your confidence.

The "idiot" was the manager.

And he was more than just an idiot - he was an ill-mannered pig!

Zone2NorthLondon · 04/03/2024 19:34

solarised · 03/03/2024 22:07

I would have asked for the whole meal free

well that would be the chancer thing to do. The meal was excellent they left a big tip. Don’t rinse it

The ill advised comments upset a guest in a special night that was an effort for her to attend. Yes they should complain yes the restaurant should unequivocally apologise

Zimunya · 04/03/2024 19:36

BrightYellowDaffodil · 03/03/2024 22:04

I wouldn’t just be avoiding, I’d be writing a complaint and leaving a terrible review everywhere I could find.

What an unbelievably cunty thing for him to have done.

Yes, totally agree!

ThinWomansBrain · 04/03/2024 19:37

Formal complaint, shit but honest reviews on tripadvisor, twitter, google...#
Involve local press if you can

GiselleRose · 04/03/2024 19:38

Gosh that’s absolutely horrible and very inappropriate.

Zone2NorthLondon · 04/03/2024 19:41

solarised · 03/03/2024 22:09

Just the food then. They ruined the atmosphere

No, nothing free don’t be a freeloader,they enjoyed the meal,left a good tip
unfortunately at the final goodbye chat the manager was rude & boorish
Family should write to restaurant ask for a apology

Emotionalsupportviper · 04/03/2024 19:41

ThinWomansBrain · 04/03/2024 19:37

Formal complaint, shit but honest reviews on tripadvisor, twitter, google...#
Involve local press if you can

Yes - I'd involve local press, unless it would upset your DM even more to have this man's comments made so public, because local paper might want a photo.

Zone2NorthLondon · 04/03/2024 20:01

Any review need to be honest, the meal was good,they left a big tip in acknowledgment
manager behaviour at end was boorish & rude. Review that
Don’t dishonestly slate the food or waiting staff when it was an enjoyable meal until the manager was rude. Do leave a factual review regarding this incident

Zone2NorthLondon · 04/03/2024 20:08

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 04/03/2024 18:41

I would report it to management and see how they react and then depending on that boycott/post on TripAdvisor.
Dont destroy the restaurant for one bad staff member if management responds well.

agree, don’t universally slate an otherwise good restaurant team, they liked the food & vibe. Understandably didn’t like the boorish manager comments

fatphalange · 04/03/2024 20:17

If there's a high staff turnover and good chance mr Ageist Sexist Loudmouth is going to be out on his ear any time soon, then no I wouldn't boycott. If not, yes.

Well worth a complaint and dragging on social media, though. Bastard.

peakygold · 05/03/2024 09:48

I'm wondering what you Mum had said in the lead up to this comment? Something derogatory about gay men, I imagine.

FrenchandSaunders · 05/03/2024 13:54

@peakygold bit of a leap!

GwinGwyn · 05/03/2024 14:17

Emotionalsupportviper · 04/03/2024 19:32

The "idiot" was the manager.

And he was more than just an idiot - he was an ill-mannered pig!

Yes I replied two minutes after that post as hadn’t recognised that fact - it’s in the thread.

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