To avoid this restaurant?

[BobbyBiscuits]

Took my mum for a family meal for the first time in a few months. She hadn't been well but felt strong enough to go in a taxi to this restaurant. We've been using this place for large and small group meals for about 7 years.
Everything was nice, we paid the bill and left an extra tip. There were 10 of us and mum was older than the others by 10 years plus.
While we were chatting, the manager interrupted and said to my mum
'how old are you?' she looked embarrassed so I jovially bit firmly said 'you know it's impolite to ask a lady's age.. haha'
I expected him to leave it but instead he responded with..
'oh, it's because my colleague thought you were at least 95' while chuckling.

She was mortified as was I. I said 'why did you say that, it's really rude?'

He mumbled sorry and then went back to his colleagues and burst out laughing.
Moments earlier he was simpering over my male cousin, but did he feel the need to comment on his age? Course not.

Mum is so upset a restaurant manager would come up to her and say this. She has not been out for months and feels her confidence knocked. She looked great and is in her early 80s.

Should we just boycott it? The rest of my family and wider group will still go I think.

Or contact the guy and ask for a proper apology, explaining taking about women's ages is rude again?

Or just forget it and hope he doesn't do it again.

Any opinions valued!

Was it a chain? I’d make sure whoever is at the top of this company is aware about the awful behaviour of their staff and also leave reviews in google and trip advisor

Exactly. It’s also contrary to Equal Status legislation.

It's pretty damned rude no matter who it's said to, you just don't, no matter what the circumstances.

I'd email a complaint, though if he's the general manager then unless you can find the details for someone higher he's likely to be the one dealing with it.
I'd try a complaint and then depending on the outcome of that, a review. I'm actually really against reviews, getting threatened with them regularly when a customer doesn't get their own way and they're nearly always exaggerated to make them sound worse than they are, and publicly naming and shaming members of staff because we're not allowed any privacy (never mind other implications that might have).
But in this case unless you get a genuine apology I would be.

If a customer brings it to my attention there's a birthday in the party then I may ask if it's a 'special' one and feed onto the kitchen and we'll do a birthday plate, but even with the intention of making it nice for someone you do not ask, and you certainly don't guess uninvited!

I've had a few older people invite me to guess and the answer is always, always 21. It's about making people feel good, not feel humiliated.

No point in asking for a false apology.

I'd put it in a public review like Google or something.

Your poor mum.

I would kick off really hard about this. I’m not usually a fan of leaving bad reviews online, but if someone did this to my mum, I would review everywhere.

Also email the restaurant directly.

She was mortified as was I. I said 'why did you say that, it's really rude?'

Well done for speaking up for your mum. Most MNers would be saying ‘I was too shocked to say anything’.

What a massive inappropriate cunt. Definitely complain

A boycott won't make any difference to the restaurant; the manager won't notice or care if they never see you again. And emailing the restaurant means the manager will most likely see the message first and delete it. If it's a chain, email head office. If it's independent try to find out who owns it (hopefully not the same guy) and write to them (search companies house if it's 'ltd')

I’d report them to environmental health and tell them all your party had a case of the brown lurgy 🍩after eatting there

This is what I would do.

Email them and complain

I wouldn't write or email, don't give them anything that they can sit on and think about. I would go in personally and ask for the owner and a meeting. Any respectable business person will want this brought to their attention.

The asking a woman is irrelevant, it's the mocking and intent to upset that stands out. I really hope you follow up with this as it's one of the nastiest things I've read. I hope your mother is doing ok

Horrific! Definitely complain to both the individual and his boss.

My MIL is 96 and loves to tell people her age, then they always say 'wow, you're amazing!'. Perhaps this idiot had thoughts along those lines and meant well - but even if so, how incredibly gauche and thoughtless. Who on earth would try to guess a customers age - whatever their gender or potential age? Bonkers and rude!

I'm sorry your Mum had such an awful experience - I'd hope they would offer a free meal for you all, or something - but she probably never wants to go back there!

You can't just leave us hanging, who was the celebrity? I bet the celebrity isn't bad looking at all and the press was just being disgusting as usual

Thanks everyone for your feedback and kind words. I'm thinking of approaching the bloke and firmly saying it's not on. If I take it in the best way possible it could be ignorance as I fail to see why someone could be so rude for no reason. Maybe it's a cultural thing that being old is a compliment. I doubt it, lol but possible?
We love their food so it would be a shame not to go back but we won't without an apology and a bribe I don't think. Mum is fine now. She knows she looks lovely and not 95. Though we have a mate of 92 and she's gorgeous.

@SoOutingWhoCares yeah please give few clues at least on this celeb!? Haha x

Sorry, I think it would be really unkind to name the celebrity given that I've also said they were unattractive. But I think you'd all have been gutted too had you been compared to her back then!

@SoOutingWhoCares Just give a couple of obscure clues? No need to name them? Or confirm the names we suggest, haha!

You tease!

Disgusting human being so unnecessarily rude. Write a complaint and review.

Definitely call this was terrible. Who in their right mind behaves that way! I want to hug your mum

@SoOutingWhoCares I'm guessing Michelle Fowler from Eastenders - Susan Tulley because I remember her being mocked for her acne back in the day by the red tops.

I wouldn't boycott the whole restaurant though. There's a whole team of excellent staff and they do nice food that you like. They have one arsehole member of staff who needs to be disciplined for his rudeness and utter disrespect. Don't deny yourself access to the restaurant you like unless the management endorse his awful behaviour by failing to deal out consequences.

I'm going to go slightly against the popular opinion here and agree that maybe what you suggested that it was meant as a compliment could be the case? I'm in the US and I have noticed older people are very proud of their age here like it's an achievement? They announce it proudly, the older they are the more proud. Not sure if with the laughing etc that could be the case, but just mentioning in case you think it could be a possibility.

I'd leave a bad Google review mentioning exactly what happened. If you just boycott, they'll never notice. The review they will read and learn the lesson.

I don't think this thread should now turn into a guessing game of so-called unattractive celebrities. That would really detract from the sexist, horrible behaviour of the two waiters mentioned.