For this to be the reason for breaking contact?

[Whyjustwhywhy]

I had no sleep (literally) last night so my judgement may be clouded.

I gave my brother a lift into town as he cannot drive at the moment. When there he bought a slice of pizza and a doughnut- fine. My three year old needed lunch so we went to the M & S cafe. I bought a spaghetti bolognaise for DS - small portion as for a child. I then went to change my baby’s nappy. While I was doing that, my brother reached over and took a huge helping of DS’s food, probably half his meal.

I am furious but am I overreacting?

Hey what are you doing eating my kids food springs to mind.

It’s really sad and depressing to see yet another woman co-opted to be a crutch for a man who sounds selfish and lazy.

jannier - look, I can think of countless times I’ve kicked myself as in the moment I’ve just been so taken aback or wrong footed I haven’t said the ‘right’ thing. You apparently never have. Fine, but it’s not exactly a new thing.

Besides even if DH had behaved in the exact MN approved way, the action would still have happened.

It’s not surprising DH didn’t say anything given the dynamic of a feckless brother with nowhere to go.

What does breaking contact actually mean to you? Telling him to move out?
In what sense does a 45yo man have nowhere else to go?
Does he have learning difficulties and that’s relevant to his (still not acceptable if mid meal) food pilfering?

I think we've all been caught off guard.

Question now is, how will you make sure it doesn't happen again?

Yes you could throw him out. Or you could just tell him not to do it again.

I am a bit lost as to what you mean by that.

@Testina he is in a strange place. He has autism but is high functioning so no learning disability exactly but he isn’t really able to function. It’s hard, as he’s in that funny grey area where he isn’t really able to access support as he’s too high functioning but he also can’t really function independently which is why I’ve been roped in … but it is impacting my child negatively which is very hard to see.

I know @GabriellaMontez and I have but the thing is it may not be that thing again but it will be something else, if that makes sense.

Jesus wept

sometimes people on here really are the pits

Why did your husband allow your brother to take the food. Ott re no contact unless back story bug I'll messaging asking for money for new food as you had to buy and replace the meal. I wouldn't offer a lift again either unless petrol money is paid. I don't normally say that for family

Your DH should have said at the time it happened
"Oi, BiL, that's DS's lunch. If you're still hungry, get yourself something else to eat but leave DS's lunch alone. It's not your food."

I do get though that it was a death by 1000 cuts, so if this was the final straw, then it was the final straw and not one single person on MN could tell because we're not you and we don't know what the previous 999 cuts were.

'Massive spoon'.... well where did he get that from?

It’s a cafe!

I love this post op!!!

but he also can’t really function independently which is why I’ve been roped in … but it is impacting my child negatively which is very hard to see.

Then you have to put your child first, your child relies on you to advocate for them and stand up for them, if you don't you are massively failing your child.

That’s what I’m here asking @PlacidPenelope .

I think I see the problem

Your brother isn't treating your kid like he's the second coming of Christ

To him, he's just another kiddo

A spoon in a cafe is a spoon.......only on mumsnet is it 'massive'

Like a salad..

Then, yes you should break contact. Your child comes first, their welfare is the priority.

I have a high functioning child with autism. It is not an excuse for bad behaviour but it might be a reason why they cannot see social cues. They may not mean to overstep but they do and they may need strong, kind fair boundaries.

It's even more imperative that you set those boundaries. Explain why it has pissed you off. You would be doing him a favour. It's helping nobody least of all him if you are all getting more angry and annoyed but not actually assisting him in understanding why or helping him to moderate his behaviour.

literally, did anyone lean across Christ’s bowl at the last supper and gobble down his food? I don’t remember that.

@CatsAddictedToDreamies the Op's brother is 45 years old boundaries should have been put in place a long time ago.

Is he older than you?

I suspect he's treated you with a complete lack of empathy for all of your life? And now that he's done it to your child you've seen read.

Not sure about nc but you have small children to care for. Kick him out.

so are you now saying that db left the table whilst you were in the baby c changing room, got himself a massive spoon went back to the table and suddenly helped himself to dc's lunch

and your dh said...not a word.

red