For this to be the reason for breaking contact?

[Whyjustwhywhy]

I had no sleep (literally) last night so my judgement may be clouded.

I gave my brother a lift into town as he cannot drive at the moment. When there he bought a slice of pizza and a doughnut- fine. My three year old needed lunch so we went to the M & S cafe. I bought a spaghetti bolognaise for DS - small portion as for a child. I then went to change my baby’s nappy. While I was doing that, my brother reached over and took a huge helping of DS’s food, probably half his meal.

I am furious but am I overreacting?

So if he lives with you I'm guessing he's a minor who is having a difficult time?

Also if your husband was there and didn't think it was a big deal then he's probably right given you didn't actually see what happened. I'm still not sure why he even mentioned it though if he didn't think it was a big deal?

It feels like it was treating DS like he wasn’t even a person.

Which is exactly what your husband did, so the child has two adults making him feel like he's not even a person.

Except one of them's his actual dad, which makes it worse.

No - he’s 45!

YANBU, stealing from a baby is the lowest of behaviour.

I would keep an eye on your brother in your house and don’t be generous with him.

So your brother helped himself to your child’s food while your DH sat that and watched !

Both are pathetic and so are you for suggesting you cut contact over it

I don’t think he saw it as stealing. It’s as if DS wasn’t even a person, like he wouldn’t know or care.

I am probably being stupid but I’m having a hard time with a lot of things just now and him doing that just feels awful.

Well, your DH is a drip for not saying anything at the time. But why didn’t you say anything when you found out?

With your DB staying in your house, you’re going to need to have better boundaries.

Your bigger problem is your DH not saying anything to your brother at the time, or to you when you came back.

I hope he doesn’t have kids himself.

Men who don’t see children as people can often do terrible things to them.

So ask him to leave then? Honestly though you need to communicate better than you have here. I'm also still wondering however why you husband said anything at all if it's apparently not a big deal?

I’m guessing he’s a long history of unreasonable behaviour and gets aggressive when called out?

Otherwise, the rational thing to do is tell him off for being a greedy bugger, then moving on 🤷🏽‍♀️

I think the bigger issue is that you don't want your brother to live with you but for some reason feel obligated to allow it.

You don't need to house him, he isn't your responsibility and is clearly making you miserable. If he's unfit to live alone, then contact social services. Either way make it clear he has a week to find somewhere else.

Why is he living with you? You need to get him out or you’ll never get rid of him.

If a 45 year old was stealing food from my child’s plate I’d have ripped him a new arsehole. Why are you and your DH tolerating this behaviour? It’s disgusting. If he’s doing this I’d be wondering what else he thinks is acceptable. He wouldn’t be under my roof given his behaviour, he clearly doesn’t know the meaning of the word boundaries and your DH needs a boot up the arse for allowing him to take food from your child.

Don’t be ridiculous. He’s only had some of the child’s food ffs. This place is insane.

kindly OP, I think you’re overreacting because you’re tired. Most 3 year olds leave the majority of their food. Your husband, who saw what happened, didn’t think there was an issue so I think you’ve greatly exaggerated this in your head and wound yourself up.

I thought the same.

Yes your brothers really rude.

But he's not your husband or father of your child.

What's really disappointing is that your dh, thinks its fine. And so he didn't advocate for your son.

What would he have done if your brother grabbed food off his plate?

As he was taking it say er..no

He isn’t aggressive. If we tell him to leave he’s nowhere else to go.

Anyway / thanks for replies. Probably need to sleep and think on it.

I’d be really annoyed but I voted YABU to break contact over it. That to me would be a bit of an overreaction unless there’s a backstory that I haven’t yet read.

What’s he doing though? Is he looking for a job? Is he saving to rent a room?

Please don’t get sucked into giving him a home, you will be so angry you let him and angry at all the wasted years.

You are not his mother, he needs to make his own way.

So if he isn't aggressive and has nowhere else to go (but is apparently a functioning adult) tell him not to take the piss. Tell him why you are annoyed and what an overstep it is. Tell him you are pissed off he is not respecting your child or indeed you.

DH has a best friend who stays with us once a year in order to participate in a stupid fucking sporting hobby. For the past 18 years. He similarly treats me and my Dcs with entitlement and disdain. So 3 years ago I finally got some balls courage and told him to stop treating me with such disrespect and to stop behaving like my home was a B&B and I was his hand maiden. He was so shocked that he actually teared up. I doubt anyone has told him how to behave since he was a tween. But he listened. And he is on notice. He is not staying this yeat as it happens. I told him I was done.

Men like this - PEOPLE like this only get away with it because they are allowed to. People in all walks of life tip toe around the most difficult person in the room. People cater to all sorts of crap because they are people pleasers.

Tell him what is what and assert your boundaries. TBH it does not really matter if your DH agrees or not. YOU think he has overstepped. Tell him that. If he is living in your home off largely your dime he can cop onto himself and be a bit more considerate.

I know but it isn’t quite as simple as that. I do understand what you’re saying though.

Thanks @Lolaandbehold .

If he's going to be continuing to stay...

"Dh said you took some of dcs spag bol in m and s. Please don't take food off his plate. It's not a shared meal".

If he took half of it when your child had barely started and it was a portion size your husband knew your child would need, then your brother is an arsehole and your husband too.

If your child had reached the pushing round the plate stage - meh.

My sister (trying to be the “nice” one for my parents’ sake) once offer our brother a packet of crisps from a multipack of 6. Not yet opened. “I bought some McCoys today, if you’d like one, in the cupboard.” My brother (all 40s) went in and ate all 6.

Now a lot of MN would call me ridiculous if I said he was an arsehole and she should cut contact.

But the truth of the matter is that he’s a nasty selfish shit of a man with a long history of bad behaviour, and this wasn’t “5 packets of crisps” but a way to shit on her. To show that even as adults now in her home, he can do whatever the fuck he likes and she’s powerless to complain - because her parents will say she’s over reacting over a few crisps.

So… I can well imagine a backstory that makes this evidence of arsehole behaviour.

But I can also imagine him just finishing up excess or leftover food.