Big Hairy Beard

[Alpacasarefluffy]

My DH of five years (been together 14 years) has grown a great big long bushy beard and I absolutely hate it.
I hate the way it looks, I hate the way it feels and I hate how it gets food in it.

Dont get me wrong he takes care of the thing (it’s a very groomed beard) but I hate the thing. It makes his face look very hard and it feels disgusting when he kisses me. It also gets wet if we are waking out in the cold. He now gets really upset because I avoid kissing and being intimate which I feel bad about but I just had it.

Pre-DC I honestly would’ve considered divorce over it (sounds pathetic but I can’t imagine not being intimate forever).

However I truly do believe he should do what he wishes with his body. I’ve merely told him I’m not the biggest fan of it and he looks better without it. He however is truly attached to it (it’s the work of two years worth of growing and styling) and is saying he’ll never get rid of it.

How do I accept the damn thing? It’s just right there on his face? I know I’m awful but it’s just so hairy and covers up his face (which is a nice face!) but he looks quite hard and bit scary with it.

I don’t blame you. I like trimmed and groomed beards but long, bushy or straggly ones give me the ick. This is how a beard should look IMO (the late Mexican actor Adan Canto).

Tell him exactly and truthfully how you feel about it.
From what you say he doesn't know you hate it. If he did he might get rid of it today.

Why have you not said this to him in the two years he's been growing the thing.

I’m with you entirely, of course men should do whatever they want with their beard but I think these long bushy beards are awful. I wouldn’t kiss a man with one either. You both have choices, him to keep it, and you to not kiss him. Would he kiss you if you had a beard? 😆

@KimberleyClark that’s exactly how facial hair should look!

Sorry I should have explained, he does know. We’ve had conversations where I’ve explained how I feel about it but not to the point where I’ve said it repulses me as I don’t actually want him to feel self-conscious! He won’t compromise on a shorter beard though.

You need to tell him that it repulses you and that's why you avoid kissing him.

Is it better that he is self conscious or that you go through your days feeling queasy and contemplating divorce.

About 90% of men with beards look awful, I am with you OP. Though your DH is among a minority of the 90% in that he takes care of it and it is not just because he is lazy or finds shaving uncomfortable.

I don't think you should accept it as OK at all.

My DP has a massive beard. I love it. Apart from when he uses my hair brush to brush it when he can't find his!!

If he wants to keep it then there isn't much you can do apart from tell him it's the beard or the end.

Explain that the beard is the reason you don’t want to kiss or be intimate with him. Tell him it repulses you. He needs to know how much of an issue this is so that he can make an informed decision about it.

Yes I hate beards. My husband hasn’t got very much facial hair thankfully, but whenever it has been a while since he last shaved, kissing is actually quite painful. I’ve often wondered if spouses of bearded men have hardened lips because I can’t imagine kissing otherwise.

If you've made it quite clear that you find it repulsive and won't go near him with it, then he has a choice.

True, it's his choice, not arguing with that, but he can't complain about the consequences .

If it's a full on beard it won't be stubbly. There is no painfully kisses if they look after it and wash, oil it etc. My dp is always brushing and faffing with his beard

Rightly or wrongly, I could not live with that. Ugh.

I've had to go through this, except it wasn't groomed. He just looked like a homeless version of ZZ top.
It was a shame because I still love him, but was feeling like he didn't give a shit about looking nice for me. His response was that he never criticised my appearance. This was true, but I always kept myself clean and took care of my appearance. I didn't mind him looking alternative or bikerish , but I wanted shorter beard and clean unripped clothes.
This has improved now. It took fucking years. Other men were always complimenting his stupid beard and saying they'd love one but they'd never be allowed, which made DH feel like it was a statement of manly autonomy.
It's a tricky one.
He definitely gets more sex and attention now he's cut his beard short and neatened up though.

Is he going bald at all and trying to compensate for it by growing the beard?

Ultimately it is his face.

Personally, I'm with you and wouldn't fond it in any way attractive.

I'm picturing Mr Twit

I think I’ll have another chat with him. I get the feeling he knows how I feel about but because I haven’t outright said it’s horrible he can ignore it. I’m fairly sure it’s here to stay although I do feel like having a big hairy beard is a choice for two really.

He is a bit alternative (which I don’t mind) and he believes it makes him look bikerish. I just think it makes him look unkempt and dirty no matter how much he cleans it and brushes it.

@SpacePotato no not going bald. I’ve no idea where the desire for it came from.

Would probably be game over for me.

I’m a beard hater, too. I much prefer DP to be clean shaven. His beard is quite grey, much more so than his hair, so it adds 10 years to him. Fortunately, he agrees. If he didn’t, I wouldn’t be amused but I would have to ask myself how I would react if he strongly disliked my hairstyle. Would I change it for him?

Get a stick on beard and wear it at bed time….note reaction.

This one is nice

You have my sympathy OP.

I'm extremely thankful my DH hates beards just as much as I do.

Absolutely hate beards! They’re face pubes! 🤢

My DH doesn’t like to go completely clean shaven which is fine. I don’t mind a bit of stubble but when it gets long and scratchy, he’ll kiss me and I’ll tell him his face is hurting me. Usually prompts a trim.

Other men were always complimenting his stupid beard and saying they'd love one but they'd never be allowed, which made DH feel like it was a statement of manly autonomy.

This is exactly the reason why so many men grow big bushy beards, it's some kind of caveman throwback, makes them feel all manly and masculine. I have a friend who actually enters beard competitions, lots of posturing and slaps on the back and 'awesome beard dude' 🙄 Unfortunately the majority of women don't like them!
I like a nice neat beard, but still prefer clean shaven.

I thought I hated beards until dh grew one. It looks and feels delightful and I love it!

I'd tell him you find it repulsive. It's the "long" part of the beard I'd find so off-putting.