To say no to childminding ....

[MyOtherCarIsAPorsche]

I childmind my daughter's three children. It is two weeks since I've been because the last time I went her older child came out in chickenpox while I was there. I thought she was very quiet the day before she got it.

The last spot has dried and she wants me back on Tuesday. She's had to be working from home since chickenpox started. She has important meetings this week and has been told to go into work. But the twins look to be getting the first spots today. She's just asked if I can still come.

Can I pass this to others? I'm not bothered about myself but H is quite vulnerable health wise. I know I could have possibly passed this on since my last visit. I don't know how viruses work. I was just thinking about having two contacts in two weeks could be doubling the likelihood of passing some sort of viral load on.

Should I go and childmind? (Her MIL has refused contact with them this last two weeks.)

My daughter is getting married in two weeks and since this has cost us an arm and a leg I don't really want to risk either H or me being ill.

What do I do?

Teachers absolutely can take time off for sick children. Your SIL needs to get real.

If your DH is immuno-suppressed (or whatever it's called) then it beggars belief that your daughter is even contemplating letting you look after her kids if they have chicken pox. You are both inconsiderate of your DH.

I get that he has gone away this weekend, but he can't stay home forever, he has to join in with life when he can. But he has made it clear that he doesn't want you to do this, yet you are still going to.

My DH is immuno-suppressed and we don't shut ourselves away, but neither of us would knowingly spend hours with someone who was sick, just in case. Burning your clothes isn't the answer.

@Createausername1970

He has spent the past four days with the father of the children who are ill.

My sympathy ran out.

@Rosindub I know! 😂That will teach me to read in haste..

I know the current issue with childminding started this post but there seems to be so much more involved. Is anyone in the family looking out for you? Is your H often angry or was he just cross with your children putting on you all the time? The only people who can advise you properly on the risks involved are medical professionals. Speak to one! And your daughter MUST tell wedding guests in case any of them are pregnant etc.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/chickenpox/

You can catch chickenpox from shingles but you can't catch shingles from chicken pox.

The NHS page will be a more reliable source of information than random people on Mumsnet.

@Kitkatfiend31

H had a personality change after his surgery - to put it mildly.

He was the one who had suggested I give up work to look after our first grandchild, 8 years ago.

Since surgery a couple of years ago, he's spending money hand over fist and experiencing his second childhood. He's just treated himself to a brand new motorbike and all the kit.

He is angry now because I childmind for my daughters - he says because of their viruses. He's always ill. It's more likely him giving the children viruses.

I'd say he's possibly more at risk from his daily ice baths and his motorbike.

He's due home at 8. Can't wait for him to find out about the new cases of chickenpox and the childminding.

I'm quite confident I can't spread it, reading NHS website.

Whatever the state of play by next week, he can't/won't avoid the wedding.

I haven't RTFT

Her partner (!) needs to step the fuck up - the kids have two parents

You're running yourself into the ground and she's entitled

You can have chickenpox more than once - I have.

See above. It’s rare.

Saying what's not true? The NHS website clearly states that if you've had chickenpox at some point, it then stays dormant in your body but coming into contact with chickenpox could reawaken the virus and come out in the form of shingles!
There's plenty here who have said this is true as it's happened to them - as it has me?

Shingles and chickenpox
You cannot catch shingles from someone with chickenpox.

You can catch chickenpox from someone with shingles if you have not had chickenpox before.

When you get chickenpox, the virus stays in your body. The virus can be triggered again if your immune system is weak. This causes shingles.

I don't know, the more I read the more confused I get. So I guess you're the only one who can decide if it's worth the risk @MyOtherCarIsAPorsche ❤️

I thought NHS states chickenpox cannot give you shingles ?

Some saying shingles can give you chickenpox?

A lot of people saying that you can't
carry the virus and pass to others?

If I thought I could bring it home and pass to my other grandchildren I wouldn't go.

It's very simple. You can't get shingles from chicken pox and you can't transmit it to your other grandchildren.
BUT you can reactivate the Varicella virus which causes shingles by being tired and run down and stressed out. It sounds like you are completely overdoing it (eg. staying up all night and in so much pain doing things that you can barely stand) and that certainly raises the risk of reactivating the Varicella virus that is dormant in your body after having had chicken pox many years ago.

And you CAN get chickenpox (if you are not vaccinated or have had it already) from someone with Shingles.

So in your case, the scenario might be that you reactivate the Varicella virus, giving yourself shingles (for which there is also a vaccination, by the way) and then if you have an active case of Shingles, you could pass that on to other people/children/pregnant women at the wedding.

Having said that, I'm not sure the timing will allow for the above scenario if the wedding is in a week.

But it really really sucks to have Shingles.

So take it easy and stop working yourself into the ground.