To say no to childminding ....

[MyOtherCarIsAPorsche]

I childmind my daughter's three children. It is two weeks since I've been because the last time I went her older child came out in chickenpox while I was there. I thought she was very quiet the day before she got it.

The last spot has dried and she wants me back on Tuesday. She's had to be working from home since chickenpox started. She has important meetings this week and has been told to go into work. But the twins look to be getting the first spots today. She's just asked if I can still come.

Can I pass this to others? I'm not bothered about myself but H is quite vulnerable health wise. I know I could have possibly passed this on since my last visit. I don't know how viruses work. I was just thinking about having two contacts in two weeks could be doubling the likelihood of passing some sort of viral load on.

Should I go and childmind? (Her MIL has refused contact with them this last two weeks.)

My daughter is getting married in two weeks and since this has cost us an arm and a leg I don't really want to risk either H or me being ill.

What do I do?

H can't be that bothered about getting viruses he's spent 12 hours on a plane in last 4 days. Plus whatever else he came in contact with.

I also had chicken pox twice when I was a child.

OP. What do you want from this thread? Everyone has said "don't do it" and you are coming up with reasons why you can't say no.

You can say no. Phone your daughter, say "I can't look after Lion and Unicorn, for the next couple of days, I am feeling a bit unwell myself, I realise this is awkward for you, but perhaps Teacher can take a some dependent days. I will call you on Tuesday and let you know how I am".

Hopefully by Tuesday you will know how the kids are doing and whether any spots have appeared.

Just tell her no it doesn't work for you.

Her husband will have to take the day off. They aren't your children and not your responsibility. some parents forget this.

Every single chickenpox thread, someone will pop up and go on about shingles. Seriously dudes.

Yes - we've both had it. I just wanted to know if I could carry the virus and pass it on. And possibly how long it will be active/alive for?

No it doesn't attach itself to you like a little hitchhiker and jump off at the first opportunity.

Sounds to me you're fed up of the babysitting if you're thinking like that OP. Maybe it's time they sorted out some proper childcare.

@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche chicken pox is a non-mutating virus so once you've had it your body knows how to defend against it so you don't get it again.

It can re-activate in your body and you end up with shingles, but this has nothing to do with contact with someone that has chicken pox. You can't get shingles from someone with chicken pox.

So you're perfectly safe to babysit kids with chickenpox if you've already had it.

Chicken pox can be up to 3 weeks to develop after exposure! One of my twins got it 21 days into lockdown and the other then got it horrendously about 10 days after!

(incidentally, someone with shingles is infections to someone who has NOT had chicken pox, but only if they come into contact with the spots).

@gamerchick

I'm not fed up of babysitting. I would rather spend my days with my children and grandchildren.

I'm fed up of being blamed for the grandchildren spreading germs/viruses.

I rarely have viruses. Probably one or two a year. H has had a chest infection since his surgery and is always sick/complaining of illness.

I tread on eggshells, praying that the grandchildren don't get sick.

I look after them in their homes.

Apart from sleepovers/family meals.

He 'hit the roof' when my daughter's older child came out in spots the day after I'd been there. That was two weeks ago. I know that the twins have a three week window in which to develop spots. Which they did yesterday. It's just a long time for my daughter to go without childminding. And bad timing with regards to overlapping their wedding.

'Hit the roof' means he got angry with me - not the grandchildren. I cannot shield anyone from viruses though.

I was trying to consider everyone.

I've told her I'll be there to childmind this week. Her partner's parents will not be going so she will still have to juggle her week. It just takes off a little bit of pressure for her. From what pp are saying - I can't pass this to others. I will burn my clothing and bleach myself when I get home just to be sure.

Aside from the fact your family are utter piss takers, are you the children who are just on day 1 of the chicken pox meant be at the wedding? Which is when????

From what pp are saying - I can't pass this to others. I will burn my clothing and bleach myself when I get home just to be sure

Really hope that's some sort of humour I don't get like and you don't actually think like that.

We're all at the wedding. My wider family, including my in laws in their 80s. The twins will be the youngest attending.

Most people attending are from the other end of the country, including more elderly members of the family. Lots of evening attendees have young children, therefore possibly have contacts with pregnancies.

It's next week.

Dude seriously get some therapy. You need to workout why you are prostrating yourself over a bunch of ungrateful shits.

Will they be well enough for the wedding / still contagious?

The narrative about your husband sounds difficult. It is not your fault if he catches a virus or if he develops an infection.

He is on a stag weekend with the father of pox kids and as you said... in an aeroplane!

Try to change this narrative... if you worked in a school / nursery / shop... you would be in contact with many people. If he is anxious about his health, maybe this is something you should both talk to his doctors about, if he is considered vulnerable and they believe you need to shield him, then you may need to rethink.

As for chicken pox and the wedding... that is a difficult question and your daughter may need to inform her guests, especially any that might be pregnant so they can asses whether it is safe for them to to attend.

I agree but maybe not:
I get one day off a week (in theory, as my daughter's tend to arrange their appointments on my day off so they know I'm available).

So not a day off....

Can't find the right/enough information about the virus.

Certainly don't want to pass anything to the guests.

But there's very conflicting information here.

The older child who got spots two weeks ago is going back to nursery tomorrow. Her spots are all dry. It took over a week for all the spots to emerge.

She has a huge double spot/scab next to her mouth which I can't see being resolved before the day. It will leave a bit of a crater.

You sound lovely OP, but also as though you enjoy being a martyr. I don't think you're looking for solutions.

You cannot catch shingles from chicken pox I don't know why people trot this out out on every chicken pox thread!

My solution is to go ahead and childmind as many pp say you can't pass it on.

@Melonportal

🤣

Well... what a surprise... OP is going to go ahead anyway... I think you're mad. And your daughters are awful for using you for free childcare in this way.

My dad had shingles after looking after my daughter who had chickenpox.
He was very poorly with it and I felt awful that I had put him through it.
Its so difficult to do the best thing for everyone, I do commiserate with you.

What do you do?

So many posters saying that this is definitely not true?

Your daughter absolutely must tell all guests about the chickenpox before the wedding. It's very dangerous for pregnant women/unborn babies. OP it really doesn't sound like you want help or to make any changes. For what it's worth I think your family are pretty awful towards you, and all parents need contingency plans to look after their own children when they are sick.

A very good friend of the family got shingles in her eyes. She went downhill very quickly after that and died.

I did seriously consider not childminding.

Hence the post.

But so many have said it can't be passed on.

So that swayed me into helping, seeing as she's stressed with the children's illness, work and the wedding.