To say no to childminding ....

[MyOtherCarIsAPorsche]

I childmind my daughter's three children. It is two weeks since I've been because the last time I went her older child came out in chickenpox while I was there. I thought she was very quiet the day before she got it.

The last spot has dried and she wants me back on Tuesday. She's had to be working from home since chickenpox started. She has important meetings this week and has been told to go into work. But the twins look to be getting the first spots today. She's just asked if I can still come.

Can I pass this to others? I'm not bothered about myself but H is quite vulnerable health wise. I know I could have possibly passed this on since my last visit. I don't know how viruses work. I was just thinking about having two contacts in two weeks could be doubling the likelihood of passing some sort of viral load on.

Should I go and childmind? (Her MIL has refused contact with them this last two weeks.)

My daughter is getting married in two weeks and since this has cost us an arm and a leg I don't really want to risk either H or me being ill.

What do I do?

If you’ve had chicken pox before then I would go and help out.

Christ OP, thats a hell of a lot of childminding! You must be a exhaused!

Why on earth are you paying a lot of money for your daughter to marry such a useless selfish inconsiderate man? Forget the chickenpox for now. Focus on that question.

This! Your daughter's boyfriend sounds selfish.

Her partner cannot have time off - this why he doesn't have to think about childminding/arranging childcare.

He works in a school and earns considerably more than my daughter.

I do two days and my daughter's partner's parents do two days - the older child is in nursery. The cost of putting the twins in nursery would be prohibitive.

They budgeted for two children and the twins were a surprise.

She was weighing up whether they could afford for her to give up work while the children were below school age but she wanted to maintain her pension contributions.

Quite a bit of her annual leave is used covering her staying at home with the children.

Yes - we've both had it. I just wanted to know if I could carry the virus and pass it on. And possibly how long it will be active/alive for?

The twins have their first spots today. It took about 2 weeks for their sister's spots to come out and fully dry over. She will be going back to nursery tomorrow. (Where she picked up chickenpox from.)

I'm worried I could pass to older relatives or other children - and they would be ill and not be able to go to the wedding.

Gosh it sounds knackering. I have my lovely grandson once every two weeks for the day, I love it but I’m shattered by the evening. You must be a super granny

You can but its very rare.

why not grow a back bone and say no?

I don't know how you do it. But you're an amazing grandmother, how selfless of you x

They need to parent their own children

Anyone who has had heart surgery is vulnerable. Your DH has a high risk of endocarditis and myocarditis as a result of any infection… Just because you have had chicken pox doesn’t mean you are immune to the virus. There is still a risk of coming down with shingles and your DH has an higher risk of serious complications if he comes down with this. I would say no to babysitting.

I think your family are asking too much of you. Make sure you always get your day off. Fathers can look after their own children.

Fair play to you, OP. You sound like an amazing parent and grandparent. But there is no way in hell I'd be spending my retirement like this!

You will not get chicken pox again if you've had it already. You still have the virus in your body (you can only get shingles if you've had chicken pox) and you won't be more contagious if you've seen the children.

Contrary to what other posters have said, being exposed to chicken pox will NOT cause you to come down with shingles. Your husband will not get chicken pox or shingles from you if he's had it already.

As an aside, you're doing SO MUCH for your daughters and I hope they are bloody grateful!

Isn't the chickenpox vaccination available in England now?

www.nhs.uk/conditions/chickenpox/

www.nhs.uk/conditions/vaccinations/chickenpox-vaccine/

Some misinformation about shingles. From the NHS page linked

Shingles and chickenpox
You cannot catch shingles from someone with chickenpox.

You can catch chickenpox from someone with shingles if you have not had chickenpox before.

When you get chickenpox, the virus stays in your body. The virus can be triggered again if your immune system is weak. This causes shingles.

Her partner cannot have time off - this why he doesn't have to think about childminding/arranging childcare.

Yes, he can. Even people who work in a school have to take time off if their own children are sick. What do you think couples do who are both teachers and don't have family to help? Her DH husbands school may not love it, but tough shit. He can and must share the time off. Stop being a martyr to them.

*Her partner cannot have time off - this why he doesn't have to think about childminding/arranging childcare.

He works in a school and earns considerably more than my daughter. *

Thats not true. It might be difficult for him to have time off, but he can.

If he has female colleague with children I bet my bottom dollar they take time off for children’s illnesses.

Gosh your poor daughter, I honestly would avoid especially with the wedding coming up.

If you are looking after the twins and your other grandchildren who haven't had it the possibility is there you could pass it along, and timing for the wedding and vulnerable guest. I just wouldn't risk it

He can have time off in a school.

It's unlikely you'll pass it in.

When people get chickenpox, the virus stays in the body. It can be reactivated later and cause shingles if someone's immune system is weakened.

I'd be saying no sadly x

Quite. No use whatsoever to the OPs family now but around £400 could have saved this mother what sounds like 4 weeks of stress at work. The vaccine is even effective after exposure if early enough so she could have vaccinated the younger ones when the older one first got spots and they’d probably not be getting spots now.

obviously hindsight is a wonderful thing but for anyone else reading this take note!

appreciate £400 may be a lot for some people. This mother is possibly lucky she can take 4 weeks and work from home while her kids are ill. Many couldn’t, it would be unpaid time off, probably costing rather more than the vaccines…

You sound lovely OP. And in the face of it not likely to get or spread chicken pox. But. Because you have the wedding coming up, I just wouldn’t risk it. You could get shingles which is nasty. There’s a vaccine now for it but don’t know if you’d be eligible and regardless I just wouldn’t. Her husband’s turn to take time off.