To be annoyed he never prioritises me (or child)

[Tulipsareout]

I won't go into too much back story as what I'm asking today will got lost in the midst of everything else.

Basically when it's our DS's birthday we always his party on the Saturday closest to his birthday (party is family and a few friends over our house- I do all planning, cooking, cake etc). His birthday is end of April, today I said to my partner we will have to invite some school friends and he turns around and says that we can't have his party on the Saturday as he's going out drinking. I said I couldn't believe he'd booked to go out drinking on the day we'd be having DS's party. He said HE never does parties at the weekend, always on the day of birthday. Which is a complete lie. His night out isn't just Saturday night out then home or it wouldn't be be issue. He wants to go to his dad's house and stay there Saturday and most of Sunday as hell be hungover/he can't manage to get up or out of the house before 2pm.
He told me I'm a bitch and I'm trying to ruin his night out. I said that he's planning on going on a weekend piss up knowing we'd have had our son's birthday party (it's 2 days before his birthday which is on a school day). He know when our son's birthday is, he didn't even clarify dates or ask what we were upto. He's the most selfish person I know and it's always about him. He literally made plans not giving a shit about anyone else.

He's now saying we can have his party the following weekend. Which in some ways I understand and maybe I'm unreasonable but I don't see why I should not have his party on the weekend closest to his birthday so he can go out drinking for a weekend (and assuming I'm looking after our child the weekend without even mentioning it). I've said that as a compromise we can have his party the Sunday but he'll need to come home to our house after his night out because Sunday morning I need to do all the party food, sort cake etc. Apparently no, it's not good enough. He's told me I'm a bitch and selfish and he won't be coming back that weekend at all.

Oh and this is what he does. 2 weeks ago he went off to stay in the same family members house to watch rugby. He could just come home (it's 40 mins from where he's going out) but he told me he was going fri-Sun evening. I asked if he was planning to see our child at all that weekend and he said if I wanted him to have DS I'd have to drive him there but only after Saturday as he has plans! He doesnt even discuss, ask etc. I was unwell the weekend and he buggers off for 3 days to stay elsewhere whilst I'm looking after his child.

Oh no is it really the same poster? Those poor kids, my god 😞

Yep, it's always so obvious. She won't be back to deny it now either, right @Tulipsareout?!

You need removing from this website for time-wasting. You have no intention of saving any money or leaving this man, so posters should save their time and well-intentioned advice and offers of help, as you've had plenty over your hundreds of threads bleating about this twat.

And your poor, abused sons need removing from your "care." Your insistence on prioritising a toxic, unfulfilling relationship over them is abhorrent and child neglect.

You deserve each other at this point, but your sons need help to get away from you BOTH.

This is so sad OP.

You need to emotionally check out of this relationship, for example stop bloody caring about whether the party upsets him. You don't owe him that level of sensitivity. Just see it as a business arrangement where he pays for nearly everything and you do more for DS.

When you've emotionally checked out then you'll be able to start thinking about practical next steps, like how to fund life without him. First step is to stop caring about this man who is ruining the only life you'll ever have.

What a fucking tragic mess.

@lilaclustre if that’s true it’s infuriating to spend the time giving advice and not realising that it’s the same poster constantly asking the same questions and ignoring said advice. MN should put a warning on these threads ffs.

Sorry I haven't been back to post earlier today. It's been a hard day.
@lilaclustre he's not a doctor?? Not sure who you're referring to.

@chrisfromcardiff sorry I thought I'd explained why. It's mostly financial reasons. I'm currently putting money away. I suppose I've been a little in denial of the impact on our child. However as he's getting older he is being influenced by his dad, who has tarted saying things about me, or saying things that aren't true. Hence I've been finding it a lot harder recently as I know this has to end before my son thinks this is the norm.

It's obvious who you are, however much you might deny the doctor detail.

If you work, have supportive friends and family and you aren't tied into a mortgage then there is no excuse to not leave a man who abuses you and your children.

Admit that you just don't want to; you inexplicably love him, have sex with him and if he agreed to marry you, you'd jump at the chance.

Please don't waste people's time. Concentrate on your kids, this environment is unsafe and damaging for them. It's pathetic you want it for yourself, unforgivable you are making them share in your miserable trauma bond.

It's obvious who you are, however much you might deny the doctor detail

@lilaclustre @whatsitcalledwhen
Care to explain what it is you are referring to...

I'm unsure as to whether OP is that poster but the poster PP referred to posts regularly about a relationship in which her older son (not her partner's son) is verbally and emotionally abused by her partner but she stays because he is financially beneficial to her. The details sounded similar.

Apologies OP if it's not you, I'm not at all sure whether it is or not.