To ask, why do people say marriage is hard?

[chickpea1982]

Just as the title says really. I was just watching something on TV and someone said, "marriage is hard", and I wondered, "how is it hard?" So I thought I would ask for opinions!

There are tough moments but overall I wouldn't say its hard work

Because you both change enormously over the years, particularly after having children. The initial euphoria goes and then you start to annoy the hell out of each other.

Not fir everyone

Yes. This is it in a nutshell. We get through it as a partnership and I feel very fortunate.
Apart from when he wakes me up with his snoring!

34 years and counting. Very happy.

You should though. You sound proud that you and your husband haven't changed or grown as adults. I wouldn't be proud of that. Changing isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's possible to grow together and challenge each other and come out better for it.

Because you can find yourself legally tied to an abuser.

And for anyone who thinks it won't happen think again. People can change even after decades of marriage.

Marriage is like anything really, it can have its ups and downs especially after dropping a baby into the mix, death of friends / relatives, work stresses, people changing and so on.

It’s just a very long time to be with someone so intensely, with life throwing curve balls and age changing you both in your own ways.
I know I’m different to how I was at the age of 28yrs and to me the difficult part of marriage has been navigating that change to the more rounded and experienced person I am now.

I think marriage is obviously hard work if you’re not quite compatible.

Life can be hard. Marriage is easy- if you with the right person.

It takes work, but how hard that work is depends on a lot of things. My marriage is easy, but we haven't had many challenges or hard times. And of the hard times we have had, we've been on the same page. I imagine it would be a lot harder if we had opposing views or conflict during these times.

Because in UK divorce law your spouse is entitled to claim 50% of all your assets? Marriage is a mugs game

The idea of being in close quarters with someone and having to align your beliefs, quirks, interests, while accepting eachother and still having your own identity. Being 'tied' to them in marriage so divorce could be costly.

I mean life is fucking hard. It sounds like a line trotted out by someone who isn't the brightest and best of screenwriters.

I'm envious of the people who have genuinely happy marriages. Personally I don't know how you could stay interested in someone for years and years unless you both make an effort to work at keeping things interesting. I get bored after about 10 years I've found.

I think the problem is people change, and so even if you were compatible you might not always be. Either you'd remain exactly the same and so would they, or you'd grow the same together

It's really not!

@innerdesign don't be so stupid! We've green and changed in 36 years!

But we don't annoy each other.

Sorry you don't like that, but we're happy.

I found it very hard. I always said I wouldn't get married, and I shouldn't have, even though I wanted to at the time. I've spent most of my life as a single and have found it so, so, much easier.

I think many people have lost sight of the fact that a lot of the worthwhile things in life can be hard at times. Whether it’s a happy marriage or eating healthy food and staying fit etc, it does take effort.

*grown

Looking at divorce & cheating statistics clearly many do find it hard.

Saw a quote today from a marriage celebrant’When you get married, you promise to take life’s great road trip together. This means packing snacks that you know the other person will like, too.’

its trite but also true. Compromise can be hard, taking care of someone else….I married late after years of being single….to someone who’d been in a long marriage. They are still friends. I’m friends with her.

so I sometimes look back to being happily single, but it’s better with someone else.

but yes at times it’s been hard.

I have been married for 22 years and never found it ‘hard’ - we are very happy! But compromise is needed, the stress of family deaths, health problems, teens, stress does definitely put a strain on the joy. Look out for complacency and over familiarity- can kill marriages stone dead. Changing things up, keeping things fresh, having joint projects and dreams and being respectful of the differences counters the above.

@Thatsasfarasitgoes
exactly!

I could have written your post.